The Empty Box and Zeroth Maria
Book 1: Chapter 17

27, 755^th Time

Now that I think about it, Mogi isn’t wearing any makeup. Unlike Maria, I don’t know much about cosmetics, so it doesn’t jump out at me at first.

But Mogi has a makeup pouch in her bag.

Why?

Maria’s theory is that she got tired of it.

I can’t remember at all, but I’m sure at one point Mogi used to care about her appearance. In the Rejecting Classroom, though, she could no longer see the meaning in making herself look good and eventually just stopped trying. The pouch is still in her bag, as it was on March 1 before the Rejecting Classroom came into being. Now Mogi finds putting on makeup and even taking it out of her bag to be a pain.

The only person who would reach such a state would be someone with over twenty thousand transfers’ worth of memories, and the only person capable of having those would be the owner.

Which means the owner is Kasumi Mogi, the one I love, and the one who loves me.

“There’s something I have to tell you, Kazu.”

Kokone said something like that when she asked me to come meet her during the 27,754th loop.

“Kasumi likes you.”

She knew how Mogi felt about me. I’m sure she was friends with heruntil yesterday and even offered her advice.

We wanted to call Mogi out, but doing so would put her on guard. With her having outwitted Maria so many times in the past, we couldn’t afford to give her any time to prepare.

That’s why we decided to involve Kokone and take advantage of her busybody nature. If we could somehow convince Mogi that I was going to confess my love to her, she just might show up.

That resulted in Kokone being murdered.

I remember what Mogi said to me.

“Will you go out with me, then?”

I wonder how many times she’s asked me this. How long has she liked me? If the feeling was mutual, then why did she say what she did?

“Wait until tomorrow.”

That’s how she answered me, right?

Mogi seems oblivious to the blood everywhere, her face blank.

Just like it always is.

Was she so emotionless in the past? I don’t think so. There’s a bright and smiling Mogi in some of my memories, but she doesn’t seem the slightest bit real. The only Mogi I can imagine is this cold and silent one before me.

What if the Mogi that was full of life, the one I’ve never met, is the real Mogi?

Where did she go?

“She’s been consumed.” Maria answers my unspoken question. “The endless cycle of repetition has devoured every last bit of her,” she says, regarding the emotionless Mogi with contempt.

I’m reminded of something I thought once before, that there’s no way the human mind can withstand so much repetition.

Mogi went through all of this 27,755 times, and now here she stands bathed in blood.

“…It’s Kazu’s fault,” she declares, her eyes fixed on me. “Kazu drove me to this!”

“…Mogi, what did I do?”

“Mogi,” she echoes, the left side of her mouth twitching upward. “I told you. I know I’ve told you. I’ve told you hundreds of times.”

“Wh-what are you talking about…?”

“I told you to call me Kasumi!!”

…I didn’t know that. How could I?

“I told you hundreds of times, and you listened hundreds of times. So why? Why do you always forget?”

“I mean… There’s nothing I can do about that…”

“Nothing you can do about it?! What is that supposed to mean?!”

Even though Mogi is screaming hysterically, her face is still almost entirely devoid of emotion.

I’m sure that over the course of the thousands of repetitions, she’s lost sight of the meanings behind different expressions and forgotten them entirely. She can no longer laugh, cry, or grow angry.

“Don’t listen to her, Kazuki.”

Mogi finally turns her glare toward Maria.

“Don’t call him that like you know him so well!”

“I’ll call Kazuki by whatever name I choose.”

“No, you won’t! …Why does he remember you and not me…?”

“Mogi, you’re the one who made it this way. This type of system makes it easier for you to do things over.”

“Shut up! I never wanted that!”

Now that you mention it, Mogi did seem frightened that I remembered Maria during the 27,754th loop.

At the time, I thought my strange behavior was what set her off, but knowing she’s the owner puts a different spin on things. Seeing that I remembered Maria and not her detonated all of Mogi’s pent-up frustration and sent her into a panic.

“Kazu…”

I’m not used to having Mogi call me that. No doubt she’s asked me if it’s okay to call me Kazu, just as she told me to call her Kasumi.

I forgot, but she never did.

“You said you liked me, Kazu.”

“…Yeah, I’m sure I did.”

“I returned your feelings. I said I liked you, too.”

“…”

My only recollection is of Mogi telling me to wait until tomorrow. I can remember nothing else.

“I don’t remember you saying that.”

I don’t have any other answer for her.

“Do you know how happy that made me? I worked so hard every time things started over to make you notice me. I tried changing my hair, putting on mascara, flirting with you, learning your hobbies, learning how you talked… And then you know what happened? A miracle. Something about you clearly changed. I could tell you were interested in me. You were receptive, even though you turned me down so many times before. And would you believe it—you even confessed your feelings to me! My efforts finally paid off. I thought there was something next, something I would enjoy. I even thought this incessant repetition might come to an end. But then… But then, you…”

Mogi stares at me without a hint of emotion.

“You forgot.”

I lower my head, unable to hold her gaze.

“You forgot, but I had faith that the next time you might not. Each time I confessed my love to you, each time you confessed yours to me, I had hope, such great hope, but you never, ever remembered. Before too long, I gave up trying to make you remember, but I couldn’t stop that faint glimmer of hope each time you said you loved me. Who knows? Miracles do happen, right? But that’s also why it hurt more and more every time, more than you could ever imagine.”

I was never able to imagine myself in a relationship with Mogi, yet she somehow managed to make this impossible thing into a reality during the endless loops of the Rejecting Classroom. She made me fall in love. Maybe that’s why the memories I do retain are always so vague.

But even if she did, it was pointless.

There would never be anything beyond that point.

She would win me over, and then it would end.

This love was doomed to be unrequited.

There would be no relationship, no gold at the end of the rainbow; her feelings would never be reciprocated.

“That’s why I eventually stopped wanting you to confess your feelings. But that didn’t stop you from saying it. You kept saying you liked me. It made me happy, but it hurt even more. That’s why I had no choice but to say what I did.”

Mogi repeats that phrase I’ve heard so many times in the past.

“Wait until tomorrow.”

My chest tightens.

Those words brought more suffering to Mogi than they did to me, even though I was on the receiving end of them.

If all this is true, then why didn’t she try to put an end to the Rejecting Classroom herself? Her feelings will never be rewarded, and even if that isn’t her main objective, it’s plain to see she’s experiencing unimaginable suffering.

“Kazu…do you understand now? It’s your fault that I’m in pain. All of it, everything, every single last bit of it is because of you.”

“What a joke.” Maria angrily interrupts Mogi’s monologue. “You’re obviously just trying to pass the buck to someone else. Admit it. You couldn’t take the pain of your own Rejecting Classroom, so you want to claim Kazuki is the one responsible.”

“…No! It’s his fault this hurts so much!”

“You can think that if you want. But I know Kazuki doesn’t feel that way. It’s not even possible for him to remember you. He only has what memories he does now because he has his own purpose. It has nothing to do with your twisted love.”

“That’s… How do you know that?!”

“How, you ask?” Maria stands tall, her tone mocking. “The answer is simple.”

Her next words are chilly and to the point.

“No one in the world has watched Kazuki Hoshino more than I have.”

“Wha—?”

Maria’s sharp claim sends Mogi into silence. Her mouth opens and closes as if she’s trying to come up with a retort, but no words are forthcoming.

My mouth is shut for an entirely different reason. It’s hard not to be embarrassed when someone says something like that about you.

“B-but I’ve been watching Kazu for just as long—”

“That time was worthless.”

Maria’s comeback is unfounded, meant to provoke.

“From the way things have turned out here, it’s obvious that time meant nothing. Take a look in the mirror. Take a look at your hands. Take a look at what’s lying there at your feet.”

On Mogi’s face are clots of dried blood, now almost black.

In her hands, the knife.

And at her feet, Kokone’s lifeless body.

“So go ahead, say whatever you want. Say that you’ve been watching Kazuki for as long as I have. But just ask yourself if you believe that means anything.”

Mogi’s head sinks, as if the very core of her being has shattered.

I can’t think of a thing to say to her.

“……Heh, heh-heh-heh. You’ve been watching Kazu more than anyone in the world? Sure, that might be true. Heh-heh-heh. But it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter one bit.”

Mogi giggles, her head still hung low.

“Hmph, how pathetic. You’ve finally gone mad.”

“Finally…? Heh-heh… What are you saying?”

Without raising her gaze, Mogi turns the point of the knife toward Maria.

“Do you really think I’m concerned with staying sane anymore?”

Mogi raises her head.

“Let me fill you in on a little secret, Otonashi. The people I kill vanish from this world.”

Her face is still as blank as ever.

“That’s why it doesn’t matter! It doesn’t matter how much you’ve watched Kazu, because you’re just going to disappear!!”

Mogi lunges toward Maria with the knife. I shout Maria’s name, but all she does is watch Mogi rush at her disinterestedly and without a hint of panic. She deftly grabs the wrist of Mogi’s right hand, her knife hand, and twists her arm into submission.

“Ngh…”

It’s a completely lopsided struggle, to the point that I’m embarrassed for yelling.

“Sorry about this, but I’ve been studying martial arts this whole time. Reading a direct approach like yours just now was as easy as taking candy from a baby.”

The knife drops from Mogi’s hand with a clatter.

Now disarmed, all she can do is look dazedly at her weapon where it lies on the floor.

“…Just like taking candy from a baby, huh…?” Mogi mutters bitterly, her gaze still on the knife. “…Heh-heh.” She’s still in pain, but she’s smiling.

“Is that funny?”

“‘Is that funny?’ you say? Ah-ha-ha, ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!”

Mogi’s mouth opens wide as the laughter bursts forth. The expression on her blood-smeared face is nowhere close to being a smile, however. Though she’s laughing, her cheeks hang slack. Where her eyes should be crinkled in amusement, they’re now open even wider than before. Maria grimaces in disgust as she watches.

“Of course it is! You compared grabbing my arm with taking sweets from a child! Oh, that is rich, even from you, the great Aya Otonashi! If this isn’t your greatest screw-up yet, I don’t know what is!”

“I haven’t the slightest idea what you find so amusing.”

“Oh really? Then let me ask you this:Could you really steal something from a baby?”

I still don’t understand why Mogi is laughing, but Maria has fallen silent.

“You got me. Yay, good job, congratulations. So now what? What was it you were trying to do again?”

“…”

“I know. I’ve heard it many times, in fact. You want to put an end to this world of repetitions, right? You want to get ahold of the Box, right? And how do you go about doing all that? Oh yeah! Don’t you need to kill me?”

“…That’s right.”

“I already knew how skilled you were in the martial arts. You yourself have said so many times before. So why are talking like you outwitted me? You made a complete fool of yourself! Did you really think I wouldn’t know any of this? I’m so embarrassed for you! It must be humiliating! Hey, you know I go back to the past each time just like you do, right? I know you front to back, too! I dropped my knife. You’ve got my arm in a lock. So…?”

Mogi’s voice grows serious, and she speaks in a low tone.

“What are you going to do with me?”

“…”

Maria doesn’t answer.

“Otonashi, the kind the gentle soul. Otonashi, who could never kill me. Otonashi, who could never torture me. Otonashi, who could never even break a bone. Would that pure heart that abhors violence so much even allow her to wrench something from the hand of a little infant? I don’t think so. Absolutely not.”

Now I see why Maria was defeated so many times in the past.

Once things escalate to the point where violence is the only solution, she’s rendered powerless.

And Mogi is well aware of this.

“Think about it. I could’ve killed you—rejected you—any time I wanted to. Do you understand why I haven’t, even though you’re nothing but a nuisance to me? Sure, it can be convenient to have you around, like how you always save me from the accident. But that’s not it. I realized something the first time you figured out I had the Box, when you couldn’t corner me.”

Maria clenches her jaw.

“You’re not even worth the effort.”

I’m reminded of something Daiya said once. The protagonist was at a disadvantage against the transfer student because she had more information to work with.

Thing was, he actually had it wrong.

It’s the protagonist—Kasumi Mogi—who has the information, and the transfer student is the one at a disadvantage.

“I’m sick of this pattern.” Mogi sounds deliberately bored.

“But things are different this time. Kazuki is here.”

“You’re right! How about we try letting things take a different course, then?”

Mogi kicks the handle of the knife on the floor.

Slick with blood, it twirls and skids over and comes to rest against my feet.

“Pick it up, Kazu.”

The knife?

I look back down at it.

The knife glints red, even more wet with blood than before.

“C’mon, Kazu, don’t you love me? If you really do…”

I look up, watch the words form on her lips.

“…then you’ll give me the knife so I can kill you.”

What the…?

I don’t understand. I know the meaning of the individual words, but I don’t understand what she’s saying to me.

“Are you listening? I said give me the knife so I can kill you.”

There it is again. I didn’t mishear.

“What’re you playing at, Mogi?! I know you’re in love with Kazuki! Why would you ask him to do such a thing?!”

“You’re right—I do love him. That’s exactly why I want him to die. Kazu is the reason why I’m suffering. That’s why I want him to disappear from my sight. It’s the obvious conclusion,” Mogi says, like it’s just common sense. “I knew Kazu was coming this time, so why do you think I let you all think you had tricked me into showing up? I had a mission to accomplish. There was something I decided to do… I decided to kill Kazu.” She meets my eyes as she spits, “If I kill Kazu, I can reject him. He’ll be gone. If that happens, I’m sure I won’t suffer anymore. I can stay here forever.”

“Mogi, that’s nonsense! You— Ungh! Ah—”

Maria suddenly grunts and falls to her knees. She’s holding the left side of her body.

“…? Maria?”

Something is sticking out of the left side of her abdomen.

Huh? Was she stabbed?

“Ah—M-Maria!!”

Maria examines the object in her stomach.

Gritting her teeth, she yanks it out with all her strength, grunting slightly in pain. Her eyes full of hatred for Mogi, she tosses the tool aside. I look at the object clattering to the floor. It’s a folding pocketknife.

“You really slipped up. All the martial arts training in the world can’t help you if you never see the attack coming. If you were a boy, you’d probably be fighting back right now, but that thin blade will do fine for a skinny little thing like you. Sorry, but you can’t bulk up here no matter how much you train. That’s just the way this world works!”

Maria tries to stand, but it seems the wound is somewhere vital, because she can’t. An unending stream of blood flows from where she has her hand pressed to her side.

“I’ve experienced a lot here, too, so I figured it’s better to keep one of these on hand. I always hide this knife on me.”

Mogi approaches until she’s right before my eyes. She stoops down and picks up the kitchen knife.

“Ahh!”

There she is, not on guard against me at all, leaving herself completely open, and all I can do is let out a pitiful yelp. It’s as if I’m paralyzed. I can’t move. All I can do is stand there like a post that’s been hammered into place. My consciousness threatens to abandon my body, as if my thoughts have skidded to a halt in refusal to accept the impossible scene unfolding in front of me.

“I told you, Aya Otonashi. It doesn’t matter, because you’ll be gone soon.”

Mogi straddles Maria and raises the knife high.

She brings the blade down without the slightest bit of hesitation. Again and again, until she’s certain Maria is breathing no more.

Maria never lets out even the slightest gasp of pain the entire time.

“It’s too bad. I might have let you live if you were content with being the annoying little shit-circling fly you are, but no, you just had to try and make a move on my Kazu, so this is what you get.”

With that final bit of spite, Mogi stands up.

Maria lies motionless.

For a moment, Mogi looks down at the kitchen knife she plunged into Maria’s body over and over, and then she casually tosses it over to me.

Instinct draws my eye to the weapon that drank Kokone’s blood, and then Maria’s.

“Okay, now it’s your turn.”

I kneel down, trembling in fear, and gingerly reach out to touch it. I can’t stop myself from pulling my hand back at the slippery texture. Trying to swallow my terror, I extend my hand once more. It won’t stop shaking, and I can’t seem to grasp the knife. I close my eyes and somehow manage to pick it up. My eyes open. I’m holding the knife that stabbed both Kokone and Maria, and that fact makes my hands shake even harder. I feel like I’m going to drop it. I grip it with both hands to keep the trembling in check.

It’s no good.

There’s absolutely no way I’ll be able to use this knife to do anything.

“What’re you doing, Kazu? Hurry up and give it to me.”

No, it isn’t just me.None of us should be able to use this to do anything.

If so…

“…Who made you do this?”

Not even Mogi should be capable of all this. It just isn’t possible…

As long as nobody’s manipulating her.

Mogi gives me a puzzled look.

“…What’re you talking about? Are you trying to say somebody ordered me to do this? Are you okay, Kazu? You know that isn’t true.”

“But I fell in love with you.”

“Why are you saying that now?”

“The Mogi I know would never do any of this, no matter how desperate she became, not even after twenty thousand times through the cycle. The girl I fell in love with would never do this!”

Mogi seems at a loss for words for a moment, but she soon gives me an angry look and makes her reply.

“Oh, I get it. You’re trying to appeal to my emotions so I’ll spare you. How despicable. I never knew you were this much of a coward, Kazu. You aren’t willing to lay your life down for mine, are you?”

Of course I’m not. I don’t want to die, and I don’t think doing so would save her.

“…Kazu, do you think it’s wrong to kill another person, no matter the reason?”

“…Yes.”

“Hee-hee-hee. Oh, how noble of you! Yes, you’re so amazingly just. I can hardly stand it.”

Mogi stares into my eyes as she speaks.

“Well then, how about spending your whole life…no—forever—inside this endless loop?”

Her words are cool and heartless.

She must know full well that’s the last thing I want.

“After all,if I give you the Box, I’m going to die.”

Does she mean she’ll die if the Rejecting Classroom comes to an end? Maria never said anything about that.

“Do you understand? Removing me from the Box is the same as killing me. Do you think I’m lying? Do you think I’m just saying whatever it will take to protect the Box? Well, I’m not. If you give it some thought, you’ll know I’m right. I mean, why do you think I wanted to return to the past in the first place?”

What would make her want to redo time? Maybe if something happened that couldn’t be undone?

“Hey, don’t you think it’s funny that I’m the one who always gets hit by the truck? Sometimes Aya Otonashi would take my place, but… Oh, wait! You did get hit instead of me a few times! But in general, it’s always me.”

“Ah!”

No way…

I finally touch upon a plausible reason why Mogi has never tried to put an end to the Rejecting Classroom.

That traffic accident is an unavoidable phenomenon within the world of the classroom. The truck always hits someone, most especially Mogi. For some reason, it’s inevitable.

I once said that I didn’t believe there was any way to change things that had already taken place. Maria responded that it was normal to feel that way, and that the owner most likely felt that way, too.

So even if I had the opportunity to destroy the Box, the moment I did, it would mean—

“Are you prepared to let that truck kill me?”

—I would end the life of the person I loved.

There’s a loud clanging noise. I’m not sure what it is at first, but it’s the sound of the knife slipping from my hand.

“You couldn’t even give me this yourself. How pathetic…”

Mogi walks up beside me and picks up the kitchen knife.

She’s going to kill me.

Having committed so many crimes already, the only way for Mogi to rationalize any of this is to keep committing more. Otherwise, the weight of her conscience would crush her. There’s no coming back for her. She’s lost all means of restraining herself, and now her rampage is going to kill me. She’s even capable of murdering someone she loves.

I’m sure that from the moment she committed her first homicide, Kasumi Mogi was no longer Kasumi Mogi.

Her emotionless mask of a face is spattered with the blood of two people.

I can no longer stand, so she kneels down to my height.

She puts her arms around me, the knife still in her hand.

Her arms rest on my shoulders, and she places the blade against my carotid artery.

Mogi brings her face close to mine, opening her mouth to speak.

“Just keep your eyes closed, if you can.”

I do as I’m told.

Something soft touches my lips.

I know instantly what it is.

At long last, I feel a certain emotion boiling up within me, the one I didn’t feel when I saw Kokone’s lifeless body or even Maria’s stabbing: rage.

I can’t allow this.

“This isn’t the first time we’ve kissed, you know. Sorry it always has to be forced like this.”

I will never forgive her. I don’t remember any of those kisses, and I’m sure I won’t remember this one.

“Good-bye, Kazu. I loved you.”

Is she really satisfied with just a bunch of made-up memories she can never share? It’s entirely possible. She’s become that used to solitude.

I feel a sharp pain run along the muscles of my neck.

I open my eyes in defiance of Mogi’s request to keep them closed.

She seems flustered under my silent reproach, but the suddenness of it all means she never takes her eyes off me. Yes, I’m finally able to meet her gaze directly.

I grab Mogi’s hand.

From the corner of my vision, I can see a red liquid flowing from my neck and dripping from her hand.

“…What do you think you’re doing?”

“I…can’t allow this.”

“What, are you trying to say you’ll never forgive me? Heh-heh… That’s fine. I already knew that. But it doesn’t matter. This is good-bye, after all.”

“You’re wrong.”

“…About what?”

“It’s not you who I can’t forgive—it’s the Rejecting Classroom that’s stolen away our normal lives!”

I tighten my grip on Mogi’s slender wrist, completely restraining her arm.

My vision goes black for a second. Maybe the bleeding from my neck is fatal.

“L-let go of me…!”

“No!”

I still don’t know what to do. I know I won’t be able to kill Mogi. Even so, the knowledge that I can’t allow the Rejecting Classroom to go on burns bright and clear within me. That’s why I can’t let myself disappear here.

“Let me kill you! Please, let me do it!”

Mogi is screaming. Her words are meant to push me away forever, but they only sound like cries of pain to me. Like she’s wailing in agony.

…Yeah, I see it now. It took me a long time, but I’ve finally figured it out.

Mogi is crying.

On the outside, she’s as blank and emotionless as ever. There are no tears running down her cheeks. I look at her directly. She instantly averts her eyes. Her legs, so slender that it’s almost a surprise they can support her own weight, are trembling. With her facial expressions gone, Mogi can no longer recognize her own feelings. She doesn’t even know when she’s crying. She has no more tears. I’m sure they all dried up long, long ago.

I’m sorry I didn’t notice sooner, Mogi.

“I won’t let you kill me! I won’t let you reject me!”

“Shut up! Don’t make me suffer any more!”

I’m sorry, but begging won’t work on me.

That’s why I yell, “I’ll never leave you in this place by yourself!”

I think I feel Mogi’s strength waver for a moment.

But then…

“Ah—”

Everything goes pitch-black. A slap to my cheekbone temporarily restores my vision, and the scene looks different than it did before. Mogi’s red-black slippers are directly before my eyes. My hand is no longer holding her wrist and instead lies limp on the floor.

Mogi didn’t do anything to me. I just collapsed on my own.

I had just reached a point where I could possibly get through to her, and now my body won’t work. I can’t even move my mouth properly.

“I’m so stupid.”

I can hear Mogi’s voice.

“With just a few words, a few simple words, I…”

Unable to lift my head, I can’t see what Mogi’s face looks like.

“……I have to…kill. I have to kill. I have to kill. I have to kill. I have to kill. I have to kill. I have to kill. I have to kill. I have to kill. I have to kill. I have to kill.”

Mogi is repeating the same phrase over and over, as if trying to convince herself.

Her slippers move. Someone’s blood splashes, a few drops spraying my face.

I can faintly see the gleam of the kitchen knife.

Yeah, she’s going to use it on me.

“This time it’s really good-bye, Kazu.”

Mogi kneels down and gently strokes my back.

“I have to kill.”

She then plunges the blade into…

“I have to kill myself.”

…her own body.