The Accidental Necromancer
Employees

One of the orcs, a big strapping guy named Druk, looked upset, but I wasn’t sure why. I hadn’t enslaved him.

“First of all, you can refuse to join my merry band if you like,” I told Gruush, Kendala, and Inka. I looked around.

“No, you can’t,” Zargaza said.

“You may leave at any time.”

“But you will dishonor the tribe if you do, and we’ll send you back.”

“Um, more later. Zargaza, it was nice doing business with you! Thank you for the, um, persons, and I’ll have some seeds to you in the next few days, and we’ll negotiate so that you can provide us with leather and such. And we’ll see what else we can swap. Right now, we need to take these persons, and um, celebrate our victory in the manner of my people.”

Zargaza nodded, as if she knew what sort of thing I meant. I was pretty sure she didn’t. What I wanted right now was a warm bath, a hot meal, and a change of clothes.

I’d have to work out a way to get a warm bath sometime without changing from being Abby. The thought of lying in water, soaping my breasts while the rest of me was shielded from view by bubbles, made my cock harden.

I was really tired, or I wouldn’t have drifted off to a daydream like that.

Zargaza was staring at my crotch. There was a bit of a tent there.

“It really is big, isn’t it?” Zargaza said. “Show me again?”

If it had been just me and her, I might have. Zargaza was crazy, of course, but if I judged based on that, well, my lovers were an interesting group. But all the other orcs were looking on, and I wasn’t going to expose myself.

Thinking about bedding Zargaza didn’t make me any less hard.

“Some other time,” I said firmly.

She grinned. “Consider it part of our peace agreement,” she said, and turned. “C’mon, those who Queen Abby rejected.”

Druk stepped forward. “Take me, as well,” he said.

“Druk, I told you it was over,” Kendala said.

I shook my head. Almost I felt bad for not choosing to enslave more people. “No more,” I said firmly. I suppose Zargaza expected me to barter, and not accept her first offer of three. She led her band away quickly. Maybe she worried I was going to change my mind. She had to put a hand on Druk to get him going.

I waited until Zargaza was out of earshot, and then, just to be sure, waited until she was out of sight. Also, until there wasn’t anything obvious going on beneath my dress.

Gruush, Kendala, and Inka were waiting patiently on their knees, with their hands outstretched. Gren, Lesseth, and Valeria were looking amused. Talos was awake, if still prostrate, and he and Kathy were having their own private conversation.

“So,” I said to the orcs. “Stand up, please.”

They stood.

“As I was saying. You can refuse to join me, and you can leave at any time.”

They looked at each other, and then at me.

“I think I speak for all of us,” said Kendala, “When I say we are staying.”

“Is that because – oh, never mind.” What was I going to do if they told me they were staying because they were afraid of Zargaza, or because of some concept of honor, or whatever? “I’m not going to call you slaves, and I don’t want you to call yourself slaves.”

“Thralls?” Kendala suggested.

“Property?” Gruush asked.

“Fucktoys?” Inka offered, with a toss of her hips.

“None of that,” I said. “And I’m not expecting to have sex with any of you. Nor are my friends, here. If, well, some mutual attraction develops, I’m not telling you to be celibate or anything, but know that you can always say no to anything of that sort if you don’t want it.”

They looked at each other, and then at me, and then said, “Whatever you wish,” in unison.

“These folks have the right attitude,” Lesseth said. “You should add them all to your harem.”

I frowned at her, and went back to speechifying. “I’ll ask you to do some work, and if you do it, you’ll get paid. How, I’m not sure yet. With gold, maybe, if that works. Or – well, I’m sure I have some things you’d like to have.”

“We will do the work.” Kendala said. “May I ask a question?”

“All the questions you want.”

“What should we call you? Queen, Mistress…?”

“Abby. Just call me Abby. This is Lesseth, Valeria, and Gren. Over there is Kathy and Talos. Kathy is the woman in the blanket, Talos is the guy on the ground.”

“Do we obey them all, or just you?”

I was not convinced I’d gotten them away from the slave model, but I supposed I should be patient with that. “Uh, it’s complicated.”

“We’re her wives,” Gren said. “What do you think?”

We were married now? They had really easy ideas of marriage, here. But then, she was having my baby. I accepted it.

“Actually, I’m not –” Valeria started.

“And we should do something about that,” I told her. “Soon.”

She beamed at me. “Really?”

“Yes.”

“Will you tie me up on our wedding night?”

“Of course.”

She shivered in anticipation.

Like I said earlier, being quirky isn’t a disqualifier. Did I say crazy before? I’m sure I meant quirky. Crazy sounds judgmental.

And as long as I was being non-judgmental, I had some work to do. Honestly, I was less interested in assembling a zombie army than I was in getting ten experience points for each one I raised.

The orcs started to follow me, but I shook my head. “Get to know your, um, colleagues,” I said.

“I’m coming with you,” Valeria told me.

I shrugged. “Okay. Talos will make it okay?”

“He will. And now that the danger to him has passed, it is possible that we will find wounded survivors. I have a little mana back, so I may be of some use. There may be some who need non-magical healing. And of course, we must give mercy to those who are beyond hope.”

I nodded, and looked at the orcs. “Any of you good at bandaging people, and that sort of thing?”

Inka put up her hand.

“Fine, you come with us.”

I could tell Lesseth wanted to come, too, but she didn’t ask, and I didn’t want to leave the orcs there outnumbering Gren. Kathy couldn’t fight, and right now, neither could Talos.

Besides, getting one of them away for a private interview was probably a good idea.

I sighed. For the whole thing with the three orcs to work, I had to trust them. And to trust them I needed to know more.

When we were a few dozen steps away, I said, “Inka, I have a spell that charms you into thinking you’re my friend.”

She shook her head. “I’m not your friend, Abby. I’m your, um, servant.”

“Employee,” I said.

“One who you employ to do your bidding,” Inka said. “Okay.”

“May I cast my spell on you?”

“Of course. I’m your employee.”

I didn’t think she quite got the concept, but I decided it would take time, and got on with it. Charm Person.

I wasn’t going to make the spell work better by taking off my clothes. It would just have to get by as it always did.

“I see what you mean, Abby,” Inka said. “That’s quite an interesting effect. I not only would do anything for you, I would probably enjoy doing it. Is it permanent?”

“No, thank goodness.”

“Ah well. Think of how happy employees would be if they only had such help! Is what the troll said true? I think I saw a glimpse of it.”

“What did Gren say?” I asked, having a feeling I knew.

“That you have an enormous cock?”

“It’s – yes, I have a penis.”

“Ah. Thank you for answering my question. Do you wish me to tell you whenever I become sexually aroused?”

“No!” I said quickly, and changed the subject. “What I wanted to ask you was, can I trust Gruush and Kendala?”

“Of course,” she said. “We are your employees. We would lay down our lives for you, or be dishonored and forever condemned in the afterlife.”

I sighed. There were times when I loved Amaranth. There were other times when it seemed everything about it was designed to make me a worse person. I was not a slave master, dammit! Or, thinking of Lesseth, someone who killed people’s husbands and took their wives. Or an evil necromancer, or a wicked seductress.

“Great, good to know. See if you can find anyone who needs bandaging.” I should probably find more about her, but I had what I cast the charm spell for, and right now the last thing I wanted was a charmed employee with me.

“Yes, Abby! And should I cut the throats of those who are beyond help?”

“No.”

“Abby!” Valeria said. “You should be merciful to your enemies when they have been defeated!” She looked genuinely shocked.

I realized she was right. I didn’t like the idea of going around cutting throats of helpless people, but it was better than letting them slowly die. But then I had a better idea, even if it made me kinda want to throw up.

“Just point them out to me,” I said. “And I’ll take care of them. If they truly can’t be helped.”

“Ah! You like to do your killing yourself!” Inka said brightly. “Excellent!”

She wasn’t wrong, although it wasn’t through any bloodthirstiness on my part.

Most of the people Kathy had attacked were very, very dead. Some of them burned to the point where I didn’t think they’d make good zombies. I’d get a zombie crew out with shovels later, to bury them.

One, Valeria was able to help, and send back to his tribe.

A few we bandaged. We ran out of cloth, and Inka’s leather wouldn’t work. Valeria was wearing armor over whatever clothes she was wearing,  so my dress, my lovely thrift store dress, was the obvious source of extra fabric.

Well, I could buy more clothes. My skirt got a lot shorter.

I raised the dead I could.

I drained the last bit of life from those who Valeria and Inka said were beyond hope, but only if they both agreed, using the spell to fuel my mana so I could keep on making zombies.

This is brilliant! You’re coming along so well!

“Remember when I used to call you an evil necromancer?” Valeria asked.

“Yes, I remember. Is this bothering you?”

“A little. But I see why it’s smart, and your spell might be more merciful than our blades. Still, it’s a bit, um – yes, it bothers me, but do what you need to do. I still love you.”

“I love you, too, Valeria. When Kathy  – if Talos hadn’t jumped in the way…”

“Then he would have been healing me, instead of me him.”

“That’s the best case, sure.”

Valeria smiled. “Well, danger seems to happen around you. And you don’t shy from it when there are things that need to be done. I have faith that you won’t let me die a virgin.”

“Let’s go with ‘at all.’”

“Everyone dies sometime,” Valeria said. “Of old age, if nothing else. But as a result of standing up for things you believe in is probably the best way, since it will happen regardless. And I know, from watching you, that you feel the same way. You’ll protect that gate, your mates, and your friends, or die trying. I suspect the same goes for your ‘employees,’ even.”

“I don’t want to have slaves.”

“In fact, if I know you, you’d risk your life to free slaves, even if you didn’t know them personally.”

I nodded.

“But you wouldn’t risk everyone around you by offending Zargaza.”

“Yeah.”

Valeria smiled. “Are you going to bed any of them?”

“Inka? Kendala? Never say never, I suppose, but they are off limits until they cease to be my employees. Especially with their notion that they shouldn’t say no.”

“But you like Zargaza?”

Like? I wasn’t sure. “She’s an attractive woman,” I admitted. “Why?”

Valeria smiled. “When you’re a fourth wife, you have to expect a fifth, I suppose.”

“I think all that is very unlikely.”

“But possible. It’s okay. Will you take me tonight?”

“I’m all smelly. And the carnage…” I gestured around me.

“I don’t care about the smell. And I will bathe you, if you like, and you can bathe me, before we do anything. Xyla can marry us, in her forest. And then we can make love under the stars.”

I smiled. And then we got back to the grim work of clearing the battlefield.

I decided, in the end, that it was better to burn the hopeless corpses than to bury them. Burying them would just be too much of a project, and either we’d be setting aside a graveyard, or creating an area for germs to thrive. So I had the walking dead pile up the others.

It was a better use for an army than some.