It's Just A Picture (BL)
Chapter 317: Do you have nightmares?

Chapter 317: Do you have nightmares?

"Hyung?"

Dongwoo looked back to find Minwoo at the door. He also looked like he was staring at a ghost.

’Ah, did he hear? I didn’t want him to hear about my trauma.’ he pursed his lips and then sighed. ’It had already happened. He turned to Mrs Hwang, hoping to throw this matter with him a bit further till they were done there. "So, Mrs Hwang, I believe I no longer shake when someone makes sexual advances at me but I still have some issues."

This snapped Mrs Hwang out of her shock.

"Oh. Oh yes, pardon me." She quickly penned them down and looked up at Dongwoo. "That might’ve been a horrible experience, so I understand if you had suicidal thoughts. You went through it quite well. You’re so strong."

’Ah, everyone keeps calling me strong these days,’ he shyly rubbed the back of his neck with a little flush on his cheek.

"I won’t ask how things unfolded and what led to the death of your friend’s father, but your issues, aside from the fear of a person’s touch, what else are there?"

(Just to be clear, he already told her he was scared of people’s touch, especially an intimate one before Minwoo opened the door and she asked about the nature of his trauma)

"I self-harm." Dongwoo said. "And I think so many other things aggravate my condition. My grandmother died, I had suicidal thoughts and things weren’t going easy for me. I was always scared and beating myself up for my situation." He explained, averting his eyes as he felt conflicted narrating his ordeal. And he wondered, ’Was it this difficult for Minwoo as well? It’s so hard. I want to stop.’

But he kept talking. His self-harm, his partners that kept bringing him down with their words and actions. The one who kept tormenting his mind etcetera.

"I believe you have made it quite clear where your trauma and self-harm stem from." Mrs Hwang said. "I have circled out two things. Fear and guilt. They seem to torment you a lot. Do you have nightmares?"

"I used to." Dongwoo answered. "And before I forget, I cry a lot too. I was told it was an after-effect of my wounded heart. Is that true?"

"Very much so, yes. If you cry a lot, even for the smallest things, and I’m not talking about the things that make you happy, I am referring to little problems that don’t amount to anything. You feel every little thing that goes wrong is your fault and apologize, even when needed. You feel if you don’t apologize, you will be hated. Are these correct?"

Hearing that, Dongwoo’s heart suddenly squeezed in and he nodded, holding back tears that wanted to fall for no reason.

"Your heart is indeed wounded, and these kinds of wounds, people don’t often know they have them, and it keeps tearing them slowly till they give into the pain and jump off a roof." She explained. "It’s scary, and that is why it’s advisable to meet a specialist when there are little problems arising with one’s mental health and emotions."

Dongwoo glanced at Minwoo who was still trying to recover from what he had heard.

"In any case, you’ve made it this far. What you need is to have more courage in what you do. When you know that you did the right thing, even if something goes wrong, you’ll know with your full chest that it’s not your fault, so there no need for needless apologies that put you down and elevate the real culprit." She wrote it down. "Pardon me if my words are rude but you need confidence in your life to feel like a complete human being. If you’re not even confident in yourself or what you do, I don’t think you’ll get to where you want to get to. You’ll keep letting what others say get to you and when that happens, you become a failure. Now, you don’t want that, right?"

Dongwoo shook his head vigorously. Her words were getting to him. He felt his blood pumping excitedly.

"That’s the spirit. Have more confidence in yourself and your partner. Don’t back down when you dance a problem, and if you feel it’s too strong for you to handle, pick up your phone, call someone who you know can face it head-on, and there you go. It’s solved. Lee Minwoo, do not let little things kill your heart. Humans aren’t monsters that can tear you up with their roars. All they have are barks, so don’t be scared to stand up to them. Don’t let them see you as weak and small. Don’t let them step all over you. And most importantly, never let their words get to you. That’s their own selfish maneuver to make themselves feel better and make you feel horrible."

Dongwoo’s eyes were opened. Her words were so direct. Her straightforwardness made him feel alive.

This was the kind of talk that he wanted. The kind of talk that he needed. He felt like a thousand men in one.

She didn’t judge, didn’t beat around the bush, and went straight to the point, not filtering her words.

She was great at her job. He thought.

"Whew," Mrs Hwang sighed, and adjusted her glasses again. "That felt so good." She said and laughed lightly. "I usually just get to the point with my words so I’m a little extreme on the output. I’m sure that’s the kind of energy you need right now."

"You have no idea." He said and tittered.

"You’ll come back again so you can tell me if there are any improvements." She said. "I do hope to hear that you looked at your terrifier in the eye and stood up for yourself."

Yeah, Dongwoo hoped so. That was the bit of information he left out, but Mrs Hwang seemed to have guessed that that was the reason she came to him. There was someone who was trying to put him down, making him shiver in fear.

"The session is up, Mr Lees." She announced, shutting her notepad. "Shall we continue from here during our next session?" She asked and Dongwoo got up, nodding his head.

"Then, till next time, Mrs Hwang?" She nodded with a smile.

"Yes. In case of an emergency, you can take my number from your brother and we can talk. Lee Dongwoo, Lee Minwoo. We shall see some other time."