It's Just A Picture (BL)
Chapter 196: And then you were overjoyed

Chapter 196: And then you were overjoyed

(sad moments 101 incoming)

"I am sorry for being so reckless back then and even now, unknowingly causing you pain with my actions. I am sorry that you fell off that cliff instead of me. I am sorry you were taken away from your family because of me. I am sorry that you almost died, and I am sorry," he breathed hard as tears rolled down his cheeks. "...I am sorry I could never be a responsible younger brother to you or a great and perfect son to mother and father in your place. I am sorry."

Dongwoo was speechless. The wind blew as he watched Minwoo cry as he apologized for the things he had done and never could become.

His heart ached. Watching him cry like that, it was painful.

"I... I didn’t want you to suffer." Dongwoo said. "I remember everything from that night and the feelings that I felt when saving you back then. If that situation repeated itself, I would definitely do the same. I would save you and take the fall." He pursed his lips.

"Do you... Know what you’re saying?"

"Can’t you understand what I’m saying?" He pushed his hand to his head and said in frustration, "I’m saying that if my brother was at the edge of a cliff, I would not hesitate to take his place. That’s how precious you were to me."

Minwoo went silent and slowly bowed his head. Dongwoo used the word ’were’ . Then, did that mean he no longer felt that way?

If he were to be at the edge, would he save him? And if worse came to worse, would he take his place and fall for him?

He clenched his glasses.

"Minwoo, I heard your apology." Dongwoo said, and Minwoo snapped out of it, raising his head to see Dongwoo with a saddened expression on his face and biting his lips softly. "I didn’t know it was so hard on you. Unlike me, who forgot everything, you kept your memories and lived with my absence, crying and begging for me to return." He cleaned his eyes with his palms. "I’m sorry. It must’ve been hard living without your brother and knowing you were the reason he couldn’t be around and, worse, dead."

"No!" Minwoo yelled. "I never..." His voice turned solemn. "I never believed you were dead. So I... I kept searching. I knew I would find you one day as long as I kept searching and now I have. I... I wanted to apologize to you so badly. I wanted to be your brother again. I wanted..." Tears rushed down his eyes. "I wanted to be your family."

"And so you came to me." Dongwoo said. "I’m grateful you came to find me. I’m grateful you never stopped searching for me but Minwoo, no," he shook his head. "Dongwoo, did you stop to think if I had a family of my own before approaching me?"

"But you don’t!" Minwoo snapped, causing Dongwoo to furrow his eyebrows. "I... I’m sorry, that didn’t come out right." He said and took a deep breath. "I... I checked and it said you were alone." He said and Dongwoo flinched.

He hated it when people looked into his background. He hated it so much.

"Then what would you have done if I did have a family?" He asked, clenching his fists.

"I don’t know. I... I would’ve come up with something but I saw that you were an orphan and your grandmother had died a long time ago. You were alone."

"And then you were overjoyed." Dongwoo said ober gritted teeth. He was angry. He was so angry that he could no longer see Minwoo’s sorrow and only saw the kind of ’effort’ he put into finding him.

"No, I would never..."

"Minwoo, I know you suffered." Dongwoo said, "But so did I. You were my precious brother, and I treasure you. Till now, the feelings still linger, but it can never be back then. I have lived 25 years without you or our parents. You..." he bit his lips as angry tears rolled down his cheeks.

He was angry, but at who? Who was he angry at?

He wasn’t angry at Minwoo who suffered more at heart than he did. He wasn’t angry at his parents, who did not search thoroughly for him either, and he wasn’t angry at his grandma, who took him from the only place his parents might’ve searched to find him.

Then, who was he angry at?

Ah, it was probably himself.

He was angry at himself for not being able to simply accpet his brother with open arms. He still cared for him deeply. He could feel the warm emotions he had for him when looking at him. They kept swelling and wanted to burst.

The warmth of a big brother towards his younger twin.was definitely there.

But all that didn’t matter in the face of his guilt. He was a pathetic excuse of a big brother. It wasn’t his fault that he lost his memories but he was still the one who ended up causing him a lot of hurt.

It was better if they stayed apart because such sins could not be easily washed away with the simple words of ’I am sorry’.

"... You have no idea what I have had to go through, alone." He said. "So you can’t just waltz back into my life, hoping we can go back to the way it used to be. It can never go back to the way it was because we grew separately for too long. And we are both adults now, forging new paths and bound to go different ways. We... We’re nothing short of being strangers right now."

At the sound of that, Minwoo’s heart broke. Ah, what was that?

He only wanted to mend things with his brother so why... Why was it going in this direction?

His chest... He could feel his heart shaking in fear. No, this was not how it was supposed to be. He wanted forgiveness. He wanted to be free.

Yet, when he looked up at Dongwoo, the only thing he could see was the anger in his eyes.

"Is... Is that how you see it?" Minwoo asked, clenching his chest. "I can never be your brother?"

"I’m sorry but please, let us stay as we are now." Dongwoo said, not knowing the kind of pain he was causing Minwoo with those words.

He thought it was for the best but for Minwoo, it was the end.

The feelings... The agonizing feelings in his heart were about to burst out. It was painful. So painful that he did not want to feel it any longer. He did not want to bear them any longer.

Could it just end? If he couldn’t even get his brother’s forgiveness and receive his warm embrace once more, what then was he holding on to?

He had held on for quite too long and not that all hope of redemption was lost, he believed it was finally time to let go.

"I... I understand." He said and bit his lips hard to the point they were bleeding, but he had his head bowed, and Dongwoo did not want to look at him for too long.

Being close just as they used to be... It was impossible.

"I’ll get going now." He said and Minwoo answered,

"Hyung," Minwoo suddenly called and Dongwoo paused. Minwoo did not turn to him and kept his back facing Dongwoo. "I love you."