It's Just A Picture (BL)
Chapter 197: But it was not your fault

Chapter 197: But it was not your fault

"Hyung," Minwoo suddenly called and Dongwoo paused. Minwoo did not turn to him and kept his back facing Dongwoo. "I love you."

Dongwoo did not know why he suddenly said that but he did not want it to be the reason he would get swayed, so he shook his head and said,

"I’m sorry." He walked away and got to the stairs, but as soon as he opened the door, Sungho walked out.

"Dongwoo, you’re here. Have you seen Minwoo? Everyone’s looking for him and..." He raised his gaze and his eyes widened.

"Oh, he’s right over..." He turned to point at Minwoo, only to find him standing at the edge, ready to fall backward. He froze. "Minwoo?"

Minwoo’s eyes were streaming down tears like a stream, expressing his pain and sadness at heart.

"Minwoo!" Sungho ran to him. "What do you think you’re doing?"

Dongwoo was frozen in place. His heart... He could feel his heart wrenching with the tears Minwoo was shedding. The look of agony on his face as he bit his lips to the point of bleeding.

’Dongwoo, what are you doing?’ he wondered, his own tears rolling down his cheeks. ’Please, don’t do this. Don’t punish yourself anymore.’

"I’m sorry, Hyung." Minwoo said. "I... I’m sorry that I have to throw away the life that you desperately saved back then. I’m sorry but this is all I can do right now. This is my last bus stop."

"Stop talking and get down already." Sungho said to him, stretching his hand out to him but not getting too close that would feel like a threat and make him jump without warning.

"What are you doing here, Kitten?" Minwoo asked, tilting his head to the side. "Aren’t you supposed to be at a filming site right now?"

"Yeah, but the shoot got canceled. Look, we can talk about it later, just you and me, so let’s just go. Take my hand and come down from there."

"I can’t do that." Minwoo shook his head. "I’ve reached my limit. My... My heart can’t bear much more of the pain so I want to just end it."

Sungho went silent. Ah, that pain that he tried so hard to forget through sex. Did it have something to do with Dongwoo?

He glanced back at Dongwoo who was slowly approaching with tears flooding down his cheeks.

"I don’t... Have anything to live for." Minwoo concluded, dropping his head. "I... I held on for as long as I could, hoping that once I found my brother and I am forgiven, the pain in my heart would finally disappear, but even he doesn’t want me." He said and started laughing, pulling his hair as his heart ached more than ever. "No one wants me. Why am I still alive?"

"Dongwoo," Dongwoo called and stopped in front of him. "Please, don’t do this I... I’m not strong enough to face this."

Sungho watched them. It looked like it was a brother’s thing because both were crying so bitterly. He just couldn’t understand why it went so deep that Minwoo wanted to commit suicide.

(Ugh, this reckless suicidal pair. They’re a match made somewhere, I swear. At least now they have something in common)

"Why do you even want me as a brother? I... I’m weak, timid, naive,... Broken. You should just leave me alone and not think of how to become brothers again."

"No, you’re not weak. You... Are the strongest person I have ever known. You carry on so much more than you think. You... You are my brother. And if I can’t be your brother... If I can’t receive your warmth and forgiveness," he threatened to jump off. "I’d rather no longer be in this world."

"Minwoo, don’t do this." Sungho said. He couldn’t find the words but he didn’t want Minwoo to die. It was simple.

When he looked at him trying to go off the edge, he remembered himself who recklessly wanted to end his life because of a breakup.

He might just be feeling like the world was over for him right then but if he took a moment to think about it, he would definitely realize he was making a huge mistake.

"I can’t get hurt if I’m the first one to leave, right?" Minwoo asked and glanced at Dongwoo. "Just like you left back then and I was hurting, I will be the one to leave first this time."

"That’s why I feel we can’t be brothers again." Dongwoo suddenly yelled, confusing Minwoo. "You... You passed through so much pain because of me. How could I just assume that it’ll all be alright because I got my memories back? I got so angry at myself for causing you so much pain and suffering that I chose to punish myself and not brush my sins off so easily. And in the process, it seems I punished you as well. I’m sorry."

"But it was not your fault. You were not the one causing me pain, it was my mistake that..." He paused.

Ah, if he put it like that...

"The person you should be seeking forgiveness isn’t me, Dongwoo. It’s yourself. You suffered with your guilt which ate at your heart, just like I did for a long time." He bowed his head, remembering how he suffered, thinking he had caused the twins to suffer with his presence in their lives back then.

He practically made them kill their own father because of him, and they were so young back then. If that guilt couldn’t kill him? What could? And in the end, he came to forgive himself.

"It’s painful and harsh, knowing what your actions caused. Believe me, I completely get it. I passed through the same thing and lived with the guilt for years. But once the people who I felt guilty about told me that it was okay and I shouldn’t blame myself, I learned to forgive myself. I learned to be happy."

They went silent, only the sound of the wind blowing against them was heard.

"Dongwoo, I don’t hold a grudge against you. What happened that night, it wasn’t your fault. So, it’s time for you to forgive yourself and let go of that guilt. You’re my brother so of course I love you. All I wish for is that you no longer live with pain or hurt in your heart and finally feel free. Be happy, Dongwoo. You deserve it." He said.

As soon as Dongwoo said those words, it was as if a heavy weight had been lifted from Dongwoo’s heart and he cried.

"Wahhh!" He cried like a baby, loud and with relief bursting out of his heart, replacing the pain and agony he felt a few minutes ago. "Thank you. Thank you, Hyung." He cried.

"Now, come into my arms." Dongwoo said, stretching his arms out.

Minwoo stared at him. The embrace he longed for. The embrace of his brother.

He fell into Dongwoo’s arms and cried. Dongwoo cried with him and all Sungho could do was watch them.

These four words had a vital role in their reconciliation.

’I’m sorry’, ’I forgive you’, ’It’s not your fault’, and ’I love you’.

They were the words that both longed to hear for as long as they could remember. Dongwoo might’ve not wished to hear those words from his brother as he didn’t even remember such a thing happening in his life, but after regaining his memories, he wished to embrace him.

"I’m sorry, Hyung. I’m so sorry."

"You’re still as reckless as before." Dongwoo said, hugging him tight. "You haven’t changed one bit."