It's Just A Picture (BL)
Chapter 159: Wipe your tears, Seojun

Chapter 159: Wipe your tears, Seojun

Dongwoo woke up with a start and what he saw left him shocked beyond words. Sitting by his bedside and clutching his hand tightly was Seojin, with tears flooding his face.

"Why? Why are you crying?" He asked and Seojun raised his head to look at him.

"Hyung, you’re awake." He hugged him.

"Yes, but what’s wrong?" Dongwoo asked, having no recollection of what happened before he passed out.

"I’m sorry, Hyung. I won’t scare you like that again. I didn’t... I didn’t mean to scare you. I..." He cried.

Dongwoo never thought a day would come when he would watch Seojun cry like a child. He looked sad.

’What happened?’ he tried to recall what happened and possibly why Seojun was crying so sadly.

Then, Seojin rushed into the room, panting like he had run a marathon.

"Hyung," he called and rushed to embrace him. "I was so worried." He said.

"Seojin, I’m alright. But more importantly, what happened?" He asked and Seojin paused. He broke the hug to look at Dongwoo’s face and asked,

"Don’t you... Remember, Hyung?" He asked and Dongwoo closed his eyes, trying to recall. "It’s our fault. We shouldn’t have forced you to tell us your problems when you weren’t ready."

At the mention of that, Dongwoo immediately recalled all of it. The twins plead for him to tell them his problems and Seojun’s sudden change of attitude.

Was that why he was crying so much? It wasn’t his fault. It wasn’t any of their fault. He was just the one being stubborn.

He recalled what he imagined and grabbed the sheets. It was horrible. So horrible that if it were ever to happen, he would break. Maybe... He just might give up on living.

It was the worst that could happen.

He bit his lip and covered half of his face with his hand.

"Hyung, are you okay?" Seojin asked and he nodded.

"Yes, I’m okay." He looked up at Seojun and caressed his wet face. "So, please, stop crying."

Seojun shook his head.

He was stubborn.

"See, I’m okay. You didn’t really do anything to me. I... I just..." He paused, his face suddenly falling into a sad expression. "Thought of the worst case possible and scared myself."

Seojin stared at him. As much as he wanted to know what it was, he didn’t want to ask and incur more pain on Dongwoo so he stayed silent.

"We won’t ask, Hyung." He said, grabbing his hand. He raised it to his lips and kissed it. "We will never ask again, so please don’t worry about it."

Dongwoo stared into his eyes. He was trying to assure him all while looking sad and broken in his eyes.

’I must’ve scared them. I... I only end up hurting them in the end.’ he thought, biting his lip again.

"Hyung," Seojun called and Dongwoo raised his head.

"Wipe your tears, Seojun. It really wasn’t your fault." He said. "And... I want to say it."

"What?!" Seojin exclaimed. "You don’t have to, Hyung. Just forget about it."

"No," Dongwoo shook his head. "I want to say it."

"Why?" Seojun asked and Dongwoo brushed his hair softly. "Why bother after you tried so hard to keep it away from us?"

"I thought about a very terrifying thing that could happen if you two were to one day... get fed up with me." He said, and it was like a pillar falling on. Their heads as they stared at him in shock.

They were in disbelief because they knew they would never get fed up with him, but somehow, Dongwoo’s mind always found a way to be occupied with such thoughts.

Dongwoo chuckled.

"I know it’s crazy but the looks in your eyes as you stared at me with hate and disgust made me shake. And not only that, you said these words to me, ’We are tired of being patient and understanding. You have too many problems and you don’t even want to say them. We would rather be with someone without problems to hide than be with you.’ And then, you locked me in a dark room. I called and screamed but I was ignored."

He clutched the sheets, his body slightly shivering and his heart growing heavy at the memory. It was like a lump was stuck in his throat but he continued.

"I cried and screamed, but my voice drowned in your laughter outside the dark room. You were happy that I wasn’t in your life. You were happy without me. Just that thought shook me to the bone, and I forgot how to breathe." He laughed but he could not stop shaking. "It’s crazy how this scene played in my head in mere seconds and terrified me so much."

"Hyung," Seojin called softly but Dongwoo shook his head and looked up at him.

"A person with so many ’thoughts’ that he cannot bring himself to expose them all for fear of being hated by those who love him." He said. "That’s the kind of person I am and I imagined you leaving me because of that."

"We would never, Hyung." Seojin snapped.

"I know. I know you’re nothing like that," He shook his head. "Yet my heart and mind keep playing tricks on me, making me doubt not just myself but you as well. It makes me feel horrible. So horrible that I want to die." He said but Seojin grabbed his hands, looking at him with shocked eyes.

"Hyung, don’t you dare." He said. "If you die, if you even think of it, what do you expect us to do? We won’t be able to go on, Hyung."

Dongwoo stared at him and then turned to look at Seojun who was equally shocked by his words.

’Oh.’ he thought. ’I keep forgetting.’

"It’s not fair." Seojun suddenly said, bowing his head. "Why do you have these thoughts? Why does your doubt eat at you, Hyung? Why won’t you let yourself confide in us? Why... Can’t we act as a better pillar for you, Hyung?"

"I don’t know what to do anymore." Seojin confessed. "Tell me, Hyung." He raised his gaze, looking bitter in pain. "What must I do to help Hyung? I don’t want to see you in pain. I don’t want to see you doubt yourself. I... I don’t want you to suffer in silence, but I can’t do anything. I’m pathetic."

"You two have actually done a lot." Dongwoo said, but they weren’t convinced. So far, they could only but watch Dongwoo weep whenever he was in pain.

They were useless.

"You know, you have been my guiding light from a very long time ago and you still are. If not for you, I would have given up a long time. After you came back, you taught me to believe in myself and have faith in my skills. And thanks to that, look where we are now." He raised his head and smiled. "I’ve already wanted to say this. Thank you. Thank you for being my strength."

Seojin hugged him.

"Hyung, I’m sorry I couldn’t be better."

"It’s okay. You’re enough as you are." Dongwoo said, patting his back.

He looked at Seojun gritting his teeth at the side. He was equally in pain, his eyes that were looking puffy from crying so much.

’Ah, he’s so adorable.’ he thought and beaconed him over. But Seojun acted stubbornly and looked away, still feeling guilty. ’Is that how it is?’

He got out of Seojin’s hug and crawled towards him.

"Seojun," he called. "...don’t act like this. It’s not your fault."

He reached out to him and turned his face to meet his.

He sighed, seeing the guilt in his eyes, and said,

"There, there. Let me comfort you." He kissed the corner of his eyes. "You two always comfort me so allow me to comfort you, okay?"

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