Villainous Instructor at the Academy
Chapter 143: Disaster class

Chapter 143: Disaster class

"I want you all to understand something very important," I said, pacing like a man ready to scold the gods themselves. "You are not special."

Leo groaned. "Here we go again..."

"No, shut up, Whiner #1," I snapped, pointing at him with the stick I was using as a pointer—and occasionally as a sword. "You’re not just not special, you’re below average. You’d lose a fight to a sleepy chicken."

Wallace raised a hand. "Technically, chickens are quite fast and aggressive if provoked—"

I threw the stick at him.

He ducked. It hit Felix instead.

He squealed and fell over.

"Case in point!" I barked, gesturing at Felix’s twitching body. "This is the result of poor positioning and terrible awareness. Do any of you want to die because you got clocked by a farm animal? Huh?"

"No..." came a chorus of defeated voices.

"Then let’s do it again."

They groaned as they got back up.

"Alright. Let’s start with something simple. Wallace, what do you do when someone tries to flank you?"

"Panic and scream?" he tried.

I nodded. "Correct. Because that’s exactly what you do. But that’s not what you should do. Try again."

"Uh... reposition?"

"Better. Leo?"

"Retreat?"

"No. Wrong. The answer was: ’Push Wallace into the line of fire and run.’ I’m looking for real-world solutions."

Mira, sitting with a parasol at the side, sipped tea and mumbled, "I feel like we’re watching a car crash, but in slow motion."

Cassandra, beside her, gave a ghost of a smile. "He’s brutal."

"Now," I said, ignoring the commentary, "next scenario. Julien, you’re ambushed by a wild beast. What’s your move?"

"Taunt it, bait a charge, then counter with a feint."

I blinked. "Wait. That’s actually—"

"—What I should do," Julien said, grinning. "What I will do is try to look cool, fail horribly, and get tossed into a tree."

"Now you’re learning!"

Felix, still rubbing his head from the stick, raised a hand. "Professor... why is this lesson mostly insults and trauma?"

"Because, Felix, if your body doesn’t remember, your soul never will. Trauma is the best teacher."

Julien held up a hand. "I thought you were the teacher?"

"Exactly. Sit down."

They lined up for the next drill. This time, we were doing dodge rolls. Which, in theory, should be easy. In theory.

In practice, Leo tripped over his own feet, Wallace somersaulted straight into a thorn bush, and Felix dodged into a low branch.

I sighed. Loudly.

"You’re all allergic to competence."

"This is bullying," Leo muttered from the dirt.

"No, this is mentorship. With attitude."

By the time I called it, the sun was lower, my students were bruised, sweaty, and full of just enough despair to make them improve. Mira and Cassandra waved goodbye without ever lifting a finger.

"Class dismissed," I said, watching them limp away.

Felix was dragging Wallace. Julien whistled like it was a walk in the park. Garrick looked... mostly fine. Emotionless tank.

Leo just stared at the sky like it had wronged him personally.

I turned back to the training ground, took a breath, and muttered, "Progress."

Even if they were disasters...

They were my disasters.

And they were starting to look like a real class.

Chaotic. But real.

The next day, I arrived at the training ground sipping tea and dreading my life choices. My students were already there—barely conscious, slightly twitching, and exuding the raw energy of people who had nightmares about yesterday’s lesson.

"Good," I said, eyeing their suffering with satisfaction. "The trauma settled in nicely."

Felix raised a hand while leaning on a stick for balance. "Is this how you motivate people?"

"Yes. With fear and sarcasm. Now shut up."

I clapped my hands once. "Today, we’re going tactical. Which means we’re doing real scenarios."

Julien grinned. "Finally!"

"You say that now," I replied with a wolfish smile. "But you’ll be crying later."

Wallace muttered, "I already am."

"Excellent. Let’s begin."

I tossed out a bundle of rags, metal scraps, and broken equipment.

"Build a makeshift defense. You’ve got ten minutes. Then I attack."

They stared at the pile like it was a math exam written in a dead language.

Leo squinted. "Uh... this is junk."

"And so are your instincts. Get to work."

Cassandra and Mira were, again, sitting to the side. Cassandra was reading something ancient. Mira was braiding a string of cursed beads into her hair. Clearly busy with their own chaotic magic projects. I let them be.

The rest? They scrambled like terrified squirrels.

Julien took command. "Garrick, you’re the wall. Just stand in front of everything."

Garrick grunted. "Okay."

"Felix, tripwires."

"What if I trip on them?"

"Acceptable sacrifice," Julien replied smoothly.

Five minutes in, Wallace had built what looked like a glitter bomb launcher out of pipe scraps. Leo was arguing with a tree. Garrick was holding up two branches like a doorframe.

Then they looked at me.

I stepped forward, cracked my neck, and said, "Time’s up."

"Wait—can we get another minute?" Wallace asked.

"No."

"But it’s not safe!"

"Exactly."

I lunged.

Felix screamed and flung a tripwire tangle at me. I sidestepped it easily and kicked a pebble at Wallace’s contraption. It exploded in his face.

Leo tried to use a smokescreen—unfortunately, it blinded himself.

Garrick charged at me, but I redirected him with a shove into Julien, sending both sprawling.

I stepped through the chaos without breaking stride.

Julien groaned from the dirt. "Tactical training, he said. It’ll be fun, he said."

I stood over them. "Lesson one: never assume your enemy is going to give you time to think."

"Lesson two," I added, pointing at Felix, "never put the guy who panics first in charge of traps."

Felix opened his mouth. I raised a finger. "No. Don’t even try."

He closed his mouth.

"Lesson three: when in doubt, throw Garrick."

The meathead blinked. "What?"

"Trust me. You’re a siege weapon."

By the time lunch rolled around, Class C was on the ground in varying states of near-death, questioning their lives.

I stood with arms crossed, nodding approvingly.

"You all suck less than yesterday."

"Is that a compliment?" Julien wheezed.

"It’s the highest praise I’ll ever give."

Leo rolled over. "So... what now?"

I smirked. "Now? We do it again."

Six groans, two curse words, one whispered prayer.

I drank my tea and smiled. "Suffer now, so you don’t die screaming later."

They hated me.

Good.

That meant it was working.

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