Villainous Instructor at the Academy
Chapter 142: Tactical brilliance

Chapter 142: Tactical brilliance

"Alright, maggots," I shouted, smacking the chalkboard like it owed me money. "Today we’re covering battlefield formations and why most of you would die horribly if left to your own devices."

Groans echoed across the room.

Leo slumped over his desk. "Can’t we go back to dueling? At least then I get to be unconscious and not have to think."

"Tempting," I said, "but sadly, my job description includes turning you into functioning war assets instead of flammable liabilities."

Julien raised his hand. "Define ’functioning.’"

"Define ’assets,’" Wallace added, tightening a screw on some half-assembled contraption under his desk.

"I’ll define beating you with a chair if you keep interrupting."

"Sorry, Professor."

"Not sorry," Wallace muttered.

I ignored it.

I drew a circle on the board.

"This," I said, tapping it, "is your formation. It’s called the Bladed Wheel. Elegant. Efficient. Requires at least a basic understanding of coordination."

Felix raised his hand. "So... we’re doomed."

"Yes. But we’re going to pretend otherwise."

I snapped my fingers. "Get up. We’re taking this to the yard."

"Julien, you’re the tip. Try not to get stabbed first."

"Flattering."

"Garrick, anchor the flank. You’re big. Pretend you’re useful."

"On it."

"Leo, rear guard."

"Why do I always get rear guard?!"

"Because your personality is best kept at the back."

He groaned.

"Wallace, middle. If anything explodes, you die first. Fair trade."

"What if I cause the explosion?"

"Then everyone dies. Team bonding."

Felix was trembling. "Wh-what about me?"

"You? Bait."

"WHAT?!"

I pointed to a rock in the center of the field. "Stand there and scream like a terrified orphan. Everyone else will move to protect you. Simulates a real mission."

"I—I can’t—!"

"You’ll be fine. Just channel your usual panic."

He opened his mouth to protest but then realized... I wasn’t joking.

Poor bastard.

Ten minutes later, the formation was in shambles.

Julien had gone rogue and started fencing with Garrick mid-drill.

Leo was yelling about how this was a clear assassination attempt.

Wallace’s gadget released a cloud of green gas that made everyone cough.

Felix actually was screaming.

"THIS ISN’T A DRILL, THIS IS DEATH!"

I stood at the edge of the field, sipping cold tea out of a cracked mug.

Roderick passed by, paused, and stared at the chaos. "You... doing alright there?"

I nodded. "Perfectly."

He looked at the smoke, the screaming, the glitter-covered grass, and Garrick pinning Julien in a chokehold.

"Sure."

He walked off.

I shouted, "Formation reset! You’ve got three seconds before I start throwing actual knives!"

Wallace yelped and dropped his device. Felix tripped over it.

"That’s it!" I shouted. "Julien, if you stab one more ally, I swear I’ll make you spar with Cassandra blindfolded!"

He paused. "...Can I say yes?"

"NO."

I rubbed my temples.

Chaos.

Every time.

But as they scrambled to reform the line, a strange thought hit me.

They were improving. Sloppily. Hilariously. But improving.

Maybe, just maybe, these idiots had potential.

If they didn’t blow themselves up first.

The second time around was marginally less humiliating.

Only one accidental punch, two dropped weapons, and a Wallace-device that didn’t explode but instead emitted an unsettling purring noise.

Progress.

"Alright," I said, pacing in front of their uneven formation. "Now that you’ve all managed to not die for five consecutive minutes, I’m going to assume this is the universe’s way of apologizing to me."

Felix raised a trembling hand. "C-Can I move now?"

"No. You’re still bait."

He groaned in defeat, arms flailing weakly like a drowning cat.

Julien grinned, casually spinning his practice sword. "Honestly, Professor, I think we’re getting better."

"’Better’ implies you weren’t bottom-feeding sludge to begin with."

Leo rolled his eyes. "You say that like you don’t enjoy watching us suffer."

"I do enjoy it," I said. "But I also enjoy not being fired. So, you surviving our first real mission would be nice."

Wallace raised a hand. "Can we get details on that mission, actually? The one from the Academy?"

I smirked. "Oh, you’ll love it. It’s a simple fetch quest. Just head into a monster-infested ruin, retrieve an enchanted relic, and avoid dismemberment. Classic adventurer stuff."

Julien lit up. "Ruin diving? Hell yeah."

Felix whimpered. "Hell no..."

"You’ll be fine," I said, clapping him on the back. "We’ll bring rope to drag you out if needed."

"Or a shovel to bury me?"

"Don’t tempt me."

I turned back to the others. "Now! Formation reset. Time to practice maneuvering under simulated pressure."

Julien raised an eyebrow. "Simulated how?"

I snapped my fingers.

A fireball exploded a few meters behind them.

"THAT’S how."

Cue the chaos.

Leo screamed and dived face-first into a bush.

Wallace hit a button on his gauntlet and launched himself backwards ten feet, crashing into Felix.

Felix screamed twice.

Julien instinctively slashed at the fireball, which achieved nothing but looked flashy.

Garrick didn’t move. He just blinked at the smoke, unimpressed.

"...I like that one," I muttered.

Mira and Cassandra watched from the shade, sipping lemon water and shaking their heads.

"Are they always like this?" Mira asked.

"No," Cassandra replied coolly. "Sometimes they’re worse."

Julien stood, brushing ash off his coat. "Okay. That one didn’t count."

"None of it counts," I said. "It’s all training until someone cries."

"I’M ALREADY CRYING," Felix yelled from under Wallace.

I sighed.

"Good. Then we’re making progress."

An hour later, after three more drills, two more accidental explosions, and a very close call with an aggressive squirrel (long story), I called for a break.

They collapsed in the grass, sweaty and wheezing.

I stood over them, arms crossed, and tried not to let the corners of my mouth curl up.

"You’re still awful," I said. "But now you’re slightly organized awful. That’s a step up."

Julien gave a thumbs up from where he was lying on the ground. "Praise... sweet... Lucian..."

"Shut up before I take it back."

He winked.

I turned away and looked out across the training field.

This mission wasn’t going to be easy.

But if they kept this up...

They might just survive it.

Or at the very least, die with flair.