To His Hell and Back
Chapter 230: I’ve Never Hated-II

Chapter 230: I’ve Never Hated-II

Cassius, who had made his way to his study room was surprised to see his sister. Dressed in her scarlet gown and black shawl over her shoulders, she didn’t seem to be just passing by as she had been staring at his door for a good five minutes now.

Cassius himself had been schooled relentlessly by Arabella to have a talk with Marissa and though she never once forced him, he knew that she wasn’t entirely wrong. Deep down, he also agreed with Arabella’s words, understanding that he was far too stubborn and that stubbornness would not bear any fruit.

"You can just come in," Cassius spoke, startling her.

Marissa awkwardly stared at him and saw as he opened the door for her to enter. Then as they walked inside, Cassius saw how she was just standing outside the door and was recalled to the past when they were children.

Marissa, unlike him, was a rather meek one.

Meek, gentle, like a lamb when she’s a wolf.

Cassius was never taught siblings love and what it means to care for someone but when he saw Marissa as a baby sleeping on the crib as adults concerned themselves with their own greeds and matters, he found himself knowing that he needed to care for this baby and that it won’t survive in such a murderous life if she was alone.

Then when Marissa was fifteen, she had fallen in love with a real bastard.

Cassius swiftly took care of it. That caused for him to be hated by Marissa for a while but regardless, Cassius would make the same choice over and over again. He wouldn’t let a bastard laying hand on his sister and killing her. He wouldn’t let any filthy creature harming and destroying her happiness. No one would ever harm her. No one. He would make sure of it.

He didn’t think it was love for his little sister that had made him done such thing.

Rather, it was simply because he knew it was his responsibility.

So when Marissa broke down in tears in front of him, Cassius only reached out his hand. He didn’t manage to pat her head as he then retracted his hands away, knowing that as someone who had ended her happiness, he shouldn’t be the one to comfort her.

But there was a time.

A time where Cassius thought being an older brother wasn’t so bad.

It was the time when he was wounded all over. No servants dared to come close to him and not wanting to have his open wounds poisoned by one of the queen’s men, Cassius drove everyone aside and shut himself in his room, battered and bloodied while taking care of his own wounds, stitching them up, pushing himself to survive.

Then he heard a knock and saw Marissa.

She was standing just right now. Dressed in bright scarlet dress, her hair tied with a shawl over her shoulders.

The only difference was how Marissa would hold a box of medicine, and stared at him with her big eyes, hesitantly asked if he needed help.

Cassius rejected the offer and saw her sad but then she wished for him to have a healthy recovery.

Yes.

No one else wished for his recovery, they wished he would get sick, even sicker, and even die from all his wounds.

So that was why Cassius felt relieved. That’s why he thought that he was glad his mother had died after giving birth to Marissa.

She’s a handful one, one that he needs to protect, but she was also the only one in this world who would perhaps visit his grave or stood at his funeral.

He wasn’t quite sure anyone else would do it back then so he was grateful to have at least one person who shares his blood standing in front of his coffin. That way... the funeral won’t feel too empty.

"Brother," Marissa started her words, bringing Cassius from his moment of daze. She wanted to say something... but what? What could she say when they had never opened their hearts to each other? They have never... talked... never... opened up...

It felt terribly awkward as if someone had clapped for her mistake.

So awkward that she couldn’t meet his eyes.

"Words don’t do well for people like us," Cassius answered her. He leaned on the couch and looked at her.

Marissa bit her lip, lowering her gaze. Her fingers clutched the black shawl draped across her arms like it could anchor her in place.

"I know," she said softly, her voice barely above a whisper. "But silence has only made it worse."

Cassius let out a slow exhale, eyes fixed on the ceiling as if it held the answer to all the mess between them. "You blame me," he said plainly, not as a question, but as a quiet, accepted fact.

Marissa looked up then. "I did. For a long time."

"And now?"

"I still do," she admitted, her voice trembling. "But I understand, too."

That earned a flicker of his gaze. Sharp and unreadable. "Understanding is overrated. So is forgiveness."

"I didn’t say I forgave you," she said, not cruelly, just honestly.

Cassius gave a faint huff of amusement. "Good. I wouldn’t believe you anyway."

Silence lingered between them again heavy, but not quite unbearable.

Then Marissa stepped forward. It was hesitant at first, like approaching a wild thing with bared teeth. But she sat down on the other side of the couch, careful not to be too close.

"But I have never hated you, brother," Marissa then said out loud. Her eyes carefully stared at him as she smiled, "I have never once hated you. I couldn’t bring myself to ever feel hatred towards you. I blamed you for the longest time but I also know what you had done for me. I know your sacrifices so I could live far from the bloodshed. I knew that mother had wanted me to receive your power as well. I don’t know how she had done what she did to you. But I knew that it was something that I couldn’t do and that it was you who had stopped her."

Marissa took a deep breath and stared at him again, "I also knew the reason why there hadn’t been talk about my marriages anymore is because you promised to them that you would be the one choosing a princess to marry in my stead. Just so I could live a life away from misery... so that I don’t have to be sad even if it means you would be the one to suffer in my stead."

"So I have never hated you," Marissa repeated, eyes locked on him, "I have never and I would never."