There's No Love In the Deathzone (BL)
Chapter 662: Side Story 2. Dance of Flame and Shadow - 21

Chapter 662: Side Story 2. Dance of Flame and Shadow - 21

It was bad.

It was disastrous.

It was a rapture so wondrous he forgot about all the experiences he had before.

It wasn’t his first time doing it with a guy. It wasn’t his first time doing it with someone younger. Hell, it wasn’t even his first time doing it with a virgin. But why...what was it that made him enraptured in every pleasurable sensation a human could find?

Was it because of how cute the man was, clinging onto him while holding back the pain, and yet refusing to let it end?

Or was it because of the look in those brown eyes, as if Agni was the only flame blazing in the world, and Ron was a wandering firefly?

It was so hypnotizing, so tantalizing, so precious, and before he knew it, Agni had drowned in it. Before he could get a hold of himself, he had jumped over the threshold he built with his own hand. With every caress and kiss, he wanted nothing more than provide the best for the man clinging to him. He wanted nothing more than to pour all the affection his weary mind could procure.

He wanted to make the kid overwhelmed, but he got swept through the mud into the sunlight instead. Into the golden brown wheat field that was both humble and welcoming.

It didn’t make sense. It didn’t make sense, unless...there was something more in his brain; something more than physical.

By the end of it, the kid wasn’t a kid anymore. He was a man who pierced a stake of ownership in Agni’s heart.

It was bad. It was disastrous.

"This shouldn’t happen," Agni stared at the sleeping face of the younger man, curling so innocently. Like a moth to a flame, his fingers found their way to the scout’s hair, brushing the stands tenderly. "You shouldn’t be here."

Someone so beautiful, someone so precious...

It was one thing for the younger man to chase after him; Agni was sure Ron would change his mind in the future. As long as he kept rejecting the scout, Ron would get tired and realize there were a lot of better people out there.

But the moment he was palpably reciprocating? No. That would act like a curse that chained both of them there.

"I can’t let you chain yourself to me," Agni whispered painfully; his decision was made at the moment he realized his feelings. "I can’t let myself chain your future to me."

* * *

Ron felt like he was at the top of the world. No matter how little his experience was, he could tell that someone couldn’t make love that tenderly without any feelings. He knew the berserker wasn’t just going with his whim. There must be something more.

There gotta be.

Even if Agni acted rather coldly afterward, Ron just attributed it to the berserker being in slight denial. After all, Agni still allowed Ron to make coffee in the Captain’s room. Granted, the lack of further touches and kisses was annoying, but it was only a week.

After that kind of night, it was natural for a slight adjustment to take place.

Or so he thought.

"What?"

Ron stared at the paper in front of him in confusion. Confusion and shock. He walked to the Captain’s office in high spirit, because the berserker finally called for him, and it was night. Naturally, the fire of youth in his heart only thought of one thing; the continuation of that night.

Instead, he was greeted by a piece of paper. A bold title read ’DISMISSAL NOTICE’ and his name below it was glaring at him like a nemesis he never knew he had.

With a trembling gaze and shaking hands, he looked at the berserker across the metal table. "What is this?"

"It is as stated," the berserker replied dryly. "You have to go by next week at the latest."

"I can read that--don’t treat me like I’m stupid, you jerk!" Ron slammed the paper to the table, glaring at the berserker. "What the fuck is this? You can’t just dismiss me like that!"

"I can," Agni leaned back on his chair and looked at the scout coldly. "You’re never a formal personnel, only a probation member. And I have decided that you are not fit for the job, Ronan Hertz."

Shattered by the look Agni usually used to adress a stranger, Ron gritted his teeth. "Don’t you call me by my name at a time like this," he hissed. "Don’t fuck with me, Agni Khan!"

Not after that night full of passion and everything outside of lust. There was no way Ron could just accept it. And he hated--hated the way Agni just kept looking at him with those numb eyes he found the first time they met.

It was like everything he had been painstakingly built was crumbling apart.

"Why?!" he slammed the table again. "You tasted me and after feeling satisfied you throw me away?!"

What he got was a long, exhaustive sigh. "Don’t get me wrong, kid," Agni remarked in a sneer. "You’re the one who was pestering me, and all I did was indulge you so you’ll stop."

"Fu--"

"And I think I indulged you enough now, so let’s stop this game," again, that exasperated sigh as if the berserker was at the end of his tiring babysitting shift. "You are not needed in the Borderland and your probation period is over."

"Are you kidding me?! Does my feeling mean nothing to you?!"

At that point, even Ron could hear the devastation and desperation in his own voice. He still had a sliver of hope that this was only a test from the older man, or that he still could turn things around if he pushed forward hard enough.

But the reply was even colder than before.

"No."

That cold rejection stunned the younger man. For a while, he could only stare wordlessly at the pair of cold dark eyes, trying to see any shift in expression; any decoy and lie he could trace.

"You don’t have feelings for me, kid," the black eyes hardened under the gaze, and the words coming out suddenly became more prickly. "You only see me as someone to replace your father’s presence."

"What the fuck?!"

Ron was about to open his mouth to a series of curses, but the berserker beat his timing by leaning forward and tapping the dismissal paper.

"At any rate, the decision is final, so you have until the end of the week to pack your things."

"Are you really--!" Ron bit his lips when he felt them tremble, and the next words came out through a dry, throbbing throat; it was hoarse and filled with pain. "Do you really...have no feelings for me?"

This time, the berserker did not reply immediately; and for a second--just a short second, Ron thought he saw something flashing inside those dark eyes: hesitation.

But what was the point of a hesitation that only lasted for a second?

"No."

It was colder than before, and the pain turned into anger. Even if it was only a pretend, Ron did not care anymore. Even if there really was a hesitation, his anger would not change.

"You son of a bitch!" he crushed the paper beneath his hand and threw it to the stone-faced berserker. "You bastard!"

This time, Agni did not refute it. Because even in his mind, as he watched the retreating back of that adorable messy brown head, he called himself worse things than that.

While Agni gave the young esper until the end of the week, he found Ron had disappeared in the morning. The roommates said the scout left at dawn, not even waiting for the delivery truck. Agni was worried that Ron went to the Deathzone instead, but the men who watched the entrance said they saw Ron walking toward the Redridge plains.

Still, Agni scoured the Deathzone for a few days just to make sure, and when he couldn’t see any trace of humans anywhere, he finally accepted it.

"What do you care, anyway?" Esther scoffed. "You threw him away, so whatever he ended up being shouldn’t be your concern anymore."

"I never said I wanted him dead!"

"You didn’t think about the possibility of him doing that when you made that dismissal paper?"

Agni would have feel annoyed before, but even his deputy’s mocking tone could not overshadow the guilt and regret that came while he was frantically looking for any trace--or rather, the lack of it--in the Deathzone. He was relieved when he couldn’t find any, but happy?

He was far from happy.

He was a mess. He knew that he brought it upon himself, but the devastation he already felt since he made the decision was crashing upon him like a tidal wave. The mask he maintained almost seamlessly in front of Ron crumbled down the moment he recognized the younger man had truly left.

It was painful, even if he did what he thought was right. It was right for his principle, for the things he believed. But he did it by ignoring Ron’s wishes. He did it by inflicting pain inside the already scarred young heart.

What rights had he to complain about the pain?

"I...made a big mistake, didn’t I?" he stared at the empty, dirty ceiling as if looking at his own heart.

"At least you realize it," Esther was no longer sounded like mocking him, but Agni wished she had. "But you’d still do it again even if you know, right?"

Would he? Even after knowing how painful it was? Even after finding out that his depression increased compared to the time before he met the younger man?

"...yeah," Ron closed his eyes and closed his heart. His broken, empty, dirty heart. "Yeah, I will."

Ron was still young. He would travel the world and find a better person than him. A much better person than an uncle stuck at the gate of hell for the rest of his life. Certainly, it wouldn’t be that hard to find such a person.

Search the lightnovelworld.cc website on Google to access chapters of novels early and in the highest quality.