The Werewolf's Vampire Mate
Chapter 219: I blame it on the hug

Chapter 219: I blame it on the hug

Gyles.

I have been tossing and turning in my room.

I don’t know what to do but now, I am grateful to Blue. I know that I have treated him like shit all this while and that is something I will have to live with for the rest of my life because it is only going to get worse. I am not going to accept this. I don’t want this.

Loving someone else.

I don’t even want to love Rex.

You have no choice.

My wolf is angry with me. That is all I feel. The anger boiling as each day passes by. I am the one in control. This is my body and my rules. No one is going to choose what I do with it. Not even the animal inside me.

That is what I call him.

I just want to start a new slate. A new life. I just want to live my life for me without the past. The memories that keep coming up are a hindrance. I don’t know what happened in that community but it feels like it is something bad. The fact that I forgot just makes me think that I don’t want to remember. I don’t want anything that will pull me back to that time.

I know it is too much to ask from him and I also know that this is not something he wants to do. I saw it in his eyes. The fear, the confusion. It will take a toll on him but I can only think about myself and not him and the way he makes me feel.

I didn’t want to admit the way that hug with Blue made me feel. It was even more intense than the first time I touched Rex. There was a pull, so strong that it triggered my wolf badly. That touch will forever stay engraved in my mind. I don’t want to feel this way and the pleasures I used to have are starting to feel like pain. The more I ignore him, the harder it is for me to go on.

I know eventually this will make my wolf weak. Maybe quiet the sucker down.

I can hear you.

I know you can. I can feel you inside me.

Maybe Blue was right all along. He said the reason why I have been unable to summon my wolf is because of me. I am not forthcoming. I don’t want this. I don’t want to be a wolf. I am okay with the way I am now and these people in this community want to change me. They want to make me who I am. That is not what I want.

I don’t think I want to be in this pack. I don’t think I want what they are offering.

Because you are a coward.

I know what he is doing. He is trying to hurt me because that is all I have been doing. I have hurt him numerous times and by the time I shut him out, I will hurt him even more.

I walk over to my room door and my hand stays on the handle. I don’t know what I am doing or why I want to go and see him after everything that happened tonight. I didn’t even say goodnight to any of them. I was too in my heads but now all I want is to see him.

I don’t like this but I just have this longing. I need to talk to him about everything that happened. I need to make sure he is okay with it all.

"This is so stupid. Not a good idea,’’ I try to talk myself out of it.

You know you want to. So why do you keep fighting everything?

He is right about one thing. I want to go see him. This is not about self-control or being controlled. This is something that I want to do. Nothing can stop me.

There we go, listen to your inner self.

The fact that my wolf is louder than ever just shows me how upset he is. I don’t care about him. I don’t care about the ache in his chest. I turn the door handle slowly and the halls are dark. Another night of everyone sleeping early. This is not the life I want. A sedentary controlled life. I keep saying all those things. I keep thinking of how much I want to control my life but here I am, going to his room. Even through all my rubbish thoughts.

Because you want him.

I keep walking in the direction of his room.

My mind has been wavering all night. The memory of my father showing me my mother’s house. My heart wavered from that memory. Made me curious to find out what happened with the pack. I didn’t want to think about it, that is why I want all the memories that have to do them gone. I know it seems selfish that I would want that but I don’t know if I can handle it. I was in that basement for a long time, the same place that had become my home. I went into a sleep state. Sleep states don’t wipe away your memory but somehow, I forgot everything.

"Your mother wanted you for so long, we kept trying. Appeasing to the deities for a child. It took us six years to finally have you. Six years of trying and then my best friend took you away from me."

I shake my head to get the thoughts out. I don’t want to remember. I don’t want to hate the only person I knew as a father. The man that supposedly saved me. He was nothing but kind towards me. When I brought Roger home, he welcomed him with open arms. I will not listen to a man that locked me up over the one that let me in.

Cause you are a stubborn motherfucker.

My wolf snaps at me angrily.

I have always been stubborn and I like to think that my stubbornness is what brought me this far. I don’t listen to others, I only listen to myself. My heart races as I get closer to my destination. I don’t know how he will react to seeing me after the night we had. It is official, I am not a fan of movies. Or maybe it’s the movie that we picked. It seemed like Blue didn’t like it either. I could sense how tense he was. Almost like he was nervous.

You were the one that made him that way.

I can’t even think in peace. Maybe I should’ve asked Blue if there is also a way to shut my wolf up completely. Then I will have some peace and quiet.

I will take you down with me. You will not silence me.

I am at the point in my life where the animal inside me is threatening me.

"This is where you are now Gyles,’’ I laugh to myself in the dead of the night. I am slowly losing my mind in this place. The closer I get to him the more my heart trembles in my chest.

Fuck.

I reach the front door and the angst becomes even worse. Here I am in front of the door and unsure of what I will even say when he sees me. I am sorry for acting like a major jerk all night. I am sorry I didn’t say goodnight?

With steady breaths, I knock on the door. At first, I don’t get any response but a couple of seconds later, there are footsteps and this calms my nerves. I thought he would be sleeping. A big part of me hoped he would be asleep. That way, I could avoid having this conversation in the first place.

The door opens revealing a man that has an even bigger build that Blue. The resemblance between the two of them is uncanny. He has talked about his father—Jules, so I am assuming this is his father.

"What do you want?’’ he asks me immediately. His tone is firm and very intimidating.

"Blue,’’ I stutter nervously.

Shit, I just indirectly said I wanted him. That is not what I meant "I uh, want to see Blue.’’ I add because to him, I look like a creep. Who just shows up at someone’s house unannounced?

What do I even want to talk about?

"You’re that vampire," he mutters.

I sigh.

I am that vampire. That is what everyone sees me as. The man that made Cassius mad. I am the reason why a lot of people died. How do I get over that and stay here? How will they fully accept me when I will always be that to him?

"Can I see him?’’ I manage nervously. I don’t even know why I am so nervous. It is not like I even know the man or care about him.

How about the fact that he is your future father in law.

"Shut up,’’ I shout out loud. Jules stops, his eyes wide from the shock of my words "Sorry, not you.’’ I apologize as he walks away.

What the hell am I doing?

I blame it on the hug.