The Werewolf's Vampire Mate
Chapter 200: I don’t want to be alone

Chapter 200: I don’t want to be alone

Gyles.

The next morning, I stay in my room. I can’t stop thinking about that dream. I have been unable to stop thinking about them. It is beginning to hurt. Rex hasn’t even looked for me and the day is almost over. He said he wasn’t going to let anything come between us and I actually believed him. I guess he has a lot to process.

After that dream, I believe him. I believe all the things he has been trying to hammer into my brain. Even though I believe, I don’t have any plans on listening to whatever this is. Yes, I can feel my wolf now. he is trying to come out. I feel him gnawing at me with different thoughts but I am a vampire. I have always been a vampire—granted my time as a vampire was cut short but I still feel everything that I have always felt. Nothing has changed and I don’t even want this life. I don’t want to be in a pack. I don’t want to have to listen to an alpha. Everyone seems to think that is the best thing for me right now but I don’t trust anyone. Roger was the only one that I trusted.

Roger was crazy.

My wolf tells me. I don’t appreciate his opinions. I don’t care what he thinks. His whole heart has been given to those two boys but my heart is still with Roger. I still ache every time I think about his death. I am still angry that I only had one day with him after being reunited. The whole thing still hurts and now I am supposed to tie myself down to two men.

It just doesn’t sit right with me.

"You need to calm down Gyles,’’ I comfort myself. This is a thing that I do. Whenever I have issues, I will talk myself into a solution.

I hear a knock on my door "Who is it?’’ I shout through the door. Hoping it is anyone but Rex.

"Beau.’’

I walk to the door and he smiles when he sees me "Hello Hybrid,’’ he waves, walking into the room. I don’t know why he is here but it can’t be anything good. I am sure he already knows—I mean, he saw us in bed together.

"So, I have a number of things to talk to you about. There is good news and then bad news. Which do you want first?’’

I take a deep breath. I am used to bad news. Maybe it will be better to hear the bad news first. "Bad news,’’ I tell him.

He smiles "I spoke to the Elis. They don’t want you to stay in the pack."

I kinda expected this.

I don’t know why they feel they can control me. I am not their property. They don’t own me. "They can’t tell me what to do.’’

He shrugs "Well I did take you with the promise of returning you,’’ he tells me, like that somehow gives reasoning to what they are doing.

"I am not going back to them. You don’t have to worry about anything. I won’t stay, just give me a couple of days and I will leave your community.’’

I don’t even think I belong here. Even though my wolf keeps screaming and pleading with me. Beau furrows his brows in confusion. Maybe I shouldn’t have said it the way I did. It is not like I am ungrateful. I will forever be indebted to him and his kindness.

"I know this must be weird for you, keeping the lover of the man that killed your people. I don’t blame you if you want me gone.’’

He shakes his head "I don’t want you gone. I said I have good news and bad news. You haven’t even listened to the good news." He smiles. I look at him, confused because he is beating around the bush, instead of just being direct.

"What do you mean?’’

"You are not leaving. At least, if you want to stay. I won’t treat you like the Elis. If this place isn’t it for you, then you don’t have to stay but I heard from Rex and I think you would like to stay."

Because we are mates.

The one thing I want but can’t have.

I don’t deserve it.

I can’t handle it.

"I don’t think I should stay?’’

He furrows his brows at my revelation. I can understand if he can’t believe that I would want to let go of this. I don’t even believe that I am spewing this nonsense.

"You do not that if this thing between you guys is real, it will kill you.’’

I don’t believe I will die If I decide to leave but he seems to think otherwise. "I will be fine,’’ I assure him.

"Why are you denying this? don’t you feel what he feels?’’ he questions, probably wanting to understand.

I don’t even understand.

"How will this thing work. We are three guys. What is the point of all this?’’ I really want to understand it. it is bad enough when it is between two guys, now I have to fight for the two of them.

Do I have to love them equally?

Hope they love me equally.

It just doesn’t make sense.

I don’t even want anyone else to take my heart. Roger is the only one I want to give it to. He is the only one that I want to love in this lifetime.

But you already love them.

My wolf reminds me.

I push his voice to the back of my mind. I don’t even want to think about that. I don’t want to even acknowledge him right now.

"You know that doesn’t matter, these things are beyond our control or understanding. We need to figure everything out. Now that they both know. I want you guys to explore this thing.’’

They both know?

Did Rex tell him?

Maybe avoiding Rex isn’t the best thing.

He must be beside himself if he has told Blue. I mean, he basically cheated. Yeah, I am the one that instigated most of the things but I knew how he felt. I manipulated him by reading his mind.

"I don’t think I can face them right now.’’

He smiles "Do you want to pursue this?’’ he asks. That is a serious question. He needs to know because he wants to know the next action.

"I don’t know,’’ I tell him.

I want this more than anything. My wolf wants them more than anything. I don’t know what to do anymore.

"You have to decide. This will be the easiest and most beautiful time of your life. You will explore real and unbiased love. Trust me, this is everything you will ever want. You have to give it a chance.’’

"Did he say anything about me?’’ I ask. I want to know what he is thinking. How he feels. I want to talk to him about the dream I had last night.

"He wants to see you but he is waiting on Blue. It would be a lot better if you all felt the same way about each other.’’

So Blue is upset?

That must mean that he wasn’t happy about us. Then why did he come to my dream? Why did he say all those things to me?

It was his wolf.

My wolf tells me, even though I wasn’t talking to him. it is the one thing I can’t get used to "Can I see him?’’ I ask Beau like I need his permission. Maybe I am just walking on eggshells because I am scared to be abandoned.

"He is in school right now but I am sure he will look for you when he gets back. So do you want to pursue this thing cause I want to speak to Alby about it?"

This is the problem. The whole involving people in my business. I don’t like it and now it seems like it will come with the package. If I choose to be with them then I will have all these eyes on me. I don’t know if I am ready for that.

"You don’t have to decide right now. just go with the flow. Trust me, you wouldn’t be able to stop yourself from falling even harder.’’

He walks towards the door "Thanks Beau,’’ I manage because the only thing he has done is confuse me even more. I don’t want to tell him that I am scared. That I feel like I am hurting Roger by doing this. I might have made a promise to him—told him that I was going to live my life but this doesn’t feel like the right way.

I just feel like I am betraying him even though he is dead and gone.

I am tired of feeling this way.

I think about the man that told me he was my father. I think about the basement he kept me in. I don’t know why that thought comes into my mind but I think about him and sadness washes over me.

I don’t want to be alone.

I don’t want that.

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