The Sweetest Temptation
Chapter 44: His past

Chapter 44: His past

He grinned and walked her over to the table, holding her chair out until she settled before letting one server hold out his.

They didn’t have much time to talk before the courses started arriving-where they came from,she had no idea.

"So...what inspired this type of date? I thought we were going to some fancy restaurant."

Damien shrugged, "Well....Xavier helped me come up with the idea. I told him I was taking you out on a date and since I don’t normally do relationships I asked for his opinion."

Beatrix’s eyes narrowed suddenly, "What do you mean you don’t do relationships? I thought a man with your level of power had lots of girls throwing themselves at you."

Damien looked up from his plate and raised his brows at her, "You don’t really want to talk about this."

Beatrix bit her lips and forced out a smile. Of course she wanted to know. Even though the answer might sting a little.

"Of course I do."

Damien sighed and grabbed her hand which was on the table .

"Would you hate me if I told you I’ve slept with a lot of women ? I slept with them because they relieved me sexually. There was nothing else to it but mutual physical satisfaction. No dates, no flowers just sex."

Beatrix frowned, "How could you sleep with someone without having any feelings for them. I thought sex was supposed to be with someone special. Someone you felt connected to. Didn’t you feel anything other than the need to release?"

Beatrix couldn’t believe what he was saying. All her life she had read about how special sex was. How it’s was supposed to act as a bond between you and your partner but with the way Damien was talking it seemed like a normal routine for him.

"I didn’t like relationships and anything that led to them-tender feelings, for one. I turned off that part of me a long time ago but my body couldn’t shut down along with it.

So I had sex because I needed to-it gave me the release that kept my temper even." He said, releasing a deep breath.

"What about those girls? What about their own feelings?" Beatrix couldn’t help the bitterness that leaked from her voice.

"Don’t look at me like that Beatrix. I’m not a monster. Every woman I have laid with knew what they were getting into.

Most of them did it for the money and not because they loved me or anything. I have never experienced how it feels to be in love or to be loved in my life. So how am I supposed to love these women when I don’t even know what love is?"

Beatrix’s eyes widened when she heard him but she remained silent.

"Growing up I watched my father change women like he was changing his boxers." he started in a cold voice devoid of any emotion, his expression hardening.

"He didn’t care if they were married women or women with kids or even kids themselves. He was literally a pedophil. He married my mom when she was just 16 years old."

Damien looked away and gazed out to the water fountain.

"If my mother wasn’t playing the violin, she was crying. I was very young then but I remember that. She wouldn’t stop crying.

She cried while eating, she cried while curling up in bed alone, crying when she held me in her arms. I remember all the bruises on her body. I tried to cheer my mom up. I studied hard, learn the violin even though my dad used to tell me that it’s for girls and I wasn’t a girl."

Beatrix swallowed the lump in her throat, certain that it would’ve been a sob.

"He said I was too girly to be his son since I was always by mom’s side. So when I was 13 he- one day brought a woman home.."

Damien fell silent and Beatrix was afraid he wouldn’t continue.

"What happened Damien?" Beatrix asked, even though deep down she knew the answer. But she hoped she was wrong.

"He wanted to make a man out of me. He forced me while putting a gun to my mom’s head making her watch her son finally becoming a man. Either I slept with the woman who was the same age as my mom or he would shoot my mom."

He glanced at Beatrix and his face was that of a complete stranger-shuttered, cold and sinister

and she felt the instinct to draw her hand back but as his gaze lowered to where she was holding his hand tight.

He blinked and his expression softened.

"Anyway, my mom killed herself a few days later.," he said, his tone flat and resigned, although Beatrix didn’t miss the stark pain that flashed briefly in his glittering amber eyes. "Despite what happened.."

His voice trailed off and Beatrix could see him swallowing hard, his face pale.

She leaned forward and pressed a kiss on the back of his palm.

He met her eyes and they were full of sorrow.

"Despite what happened, my father never stopped doing what he did best. He forced me so many times. At times he even videoed it and forced me to watch.

I vowed I will never let him win but I fail each time I give in to my body’s needs because as much as I hate the blood that flows through me I’m my father’s son."

"You’re nothing like him," Beatrix said in a choked voice, overwhelmed by the need to defend him from himself. "Not at all, Damien."

He smiled sadly. "I had fancied telling myself that a few times but it was too easy to stumble down the same beaten path than forge your own. That’s why I hated it.

I hated how it made me feel afterwards. I hated who I was in those moments of weakness, when my lust got the better of me. I’m a monster in the bedroom Beatrix. I can’t give you the sweet toe curling love making that you crave like in the books you read."

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