The Emperor's Omega Is An Extra
Chapter 154: Reincarnation

Chapter 154: Reincarnation

Arren fell silent. His mouth parted as if to say anything, but he couldn’t think of anything to say. Did he know what Spade felt when he disappeared? Of course, he didn’t. But did he have a guess? Of course, he was aware of how the alpha would feel once he discovered that Arren was missing.

Even so, what could he do? That was reckless of him, he knew that. However, he never intended to be lost, so saying it was entirely his fault was too much. Still, he hated that his careless mistake had become this big and gave the alpha faint scars because of it.

"I’m not mad at you, I’m even more mad at myself," Spade continued, as Arren continued to stay silent and listen attentively. "The moment that I sense something’s wrong, I immediately search for you in the sea, but... I couldn’t find you." His lips twitched, not averting his gaze, letting the omega know what was inside of him.

They’ve been like this a lot of times, most of it they chose to ignore and decided to think that it was not the right time. It was always like that, and he knew the longer they delayed this, everything would accumulate until it exploded into a situation both of them didn’t want to happen.

A pained expression flashed across Spade’s face as he continued, "For the first time, I felt an indescribable fear envelope me as a lot of what-ifs flashed in my mind. I can’t think, and the only thing that was on my mind was to find you. I searched for you, but I still couldn’t find you."

"The ocean seemed to be mocking me; it was so calm, yet my emotions were not."

Spade lowered his gaze for a moment as he clenched his hands into a fist before unclasping them. It was as though he was choosing the right words and mincing them so Arren could handle them, or it was also because he couldn’t find the right words to voice out these emotions. It could also be both.

After a while, he lifted his head again and stared straight through Arren’s eyes. "I felt like I’d become insane in an instant. I want to turn over the ocean so I can find you. But I also want to find you faster, so even with my mind already becoming a mess, I still thought of asking the royal guards for help."

"Yet, as the minute passed that we couldn’t find you, all the negative thoughts that I couldn’t afford to have surfaced at the same time." He paused and reached out his hand to touch Arren, but hesitated. As Spade was about to withdraw it again, Arren already grabbed it and gripped it tightly, not letting the alpha escape his hold.

Spade’s eyes flashed before he let himself be, tightly holding Arren’s hand. This was not to mean they were now okay; at least, it had implications that they would be.

"Arren," Spade called, to which the omega nodded. He wasn’t saying anything, but the way he clutched his hand was enough to show that he was there, he was listening, and all the emotions that came out of Spade were being heard and felt by him at the same time. He was not alone; Arren was still here, and his fear didn’t happen.

Spade looked at the omega before he leaned as he put their interlocked hands on his lips and kissed the back of Arren’s hand hard.

Arren could even notice the way Spade’s hand shook, squeezing his hand tightly.

"Don’t apologize," he murmured. "Tell me that you’ll not leave me, and... I’ll be fine."

He heard the alpha loud and clear, but the ache that was in his gut never dissipated but instead increased. Arren didn’t want to see Spade like this. His heart was in pain seeing his alpha be like this because of him, and the once confident Spade had to say this to calm the fear and reservations that began to take root within him.

Was he becoming Spade’s weakness? Was it right for a ruler like him to have a weakness? These days, Arren suddenly had these thoughts: was he someone who could pull him down? However, every time his mind would go that far, he immediately thought that... he could never leave Spade, even if he became the alpha’s weakness. It was so selfish of him, but he would not apologize for it.

Arren pulled Spade closer to him with his other hand; their hands were still interlocked. Once their faces were closer with only the side of the tub that was separating them, he leaned and buried his face in the alpha’s shoulders.

"I won’t leave you, and I’m not going to disappear either." He began; his voice was a bit muffled, but it was still clear, especially for Spade. "I’m just going to apologize for this last time, not to say I can’t promise that I won’t be in the future. It’s only that I will try to stop worrying you, I won’t be careless anymore." Arren went on, this was all in his heart, he wasn’t going to promise anything, but he would try to accomplish it and gradually change the way he did things.

"I don’t want to force you to change," Spade interjected amidst his words.

Arren shook his head. "I’m not forcing myself to change, and I don’t have any intention to change myself." He paused, slightly withdrew and looked at the alpha in the eye, still leaning his head to Spade’s shoulders as he continued, "Sometimes, I get distracted by things, and it may come off as me being reckless, and I only know how to have fun, not minding the consequences.

"Because for a long time, I have had this confidence that no matter how I mess up, my father will let me off. And... I always think that this life was given to me so I could do things that I couldn’t before."

He didn’t care anymore; what he said was vague, but for someone like Spade, he would definitely have a guess on what he meant by that. Arren felt like the more they contained all their secrets inside of them, and as they waited for the right time, their reservations would still give them a certain doubt about each other.

Spade looked him directly in the eyes; he wasn’t saying anything, but it could be seen in the way he stared at Arren that he was thinking of something. Arren didn’t know what that was, but it was fine. He didn’t need to ask, and neither did Spade, for Arren was about to say something to him. For the first time, he could finally let it out from inside him.

"There are a lot of things I want to do but can’t. I’ve been playful and live my life with the intention of living my life to the fullest without regrets." A smile appeared on Arren’s lips before it turned to that of a bitter smile as well: "I guess, I need to wake up and come back to my reality again. Actually, I’ve been on reality check countless times, too many to count, but none of them compared to what I had today."

Arren grasped Spade’s hand and gently rubbed his face on the alpha’s shoulders, coaxing him but at the same time letting him know of his sincerity.

"Spade, I’ve never been scared to die." He paused, seeing the change in the alpha’s expressions with what he said. Arren then kissed the skin on the alpha’s shoulders, "but I realized, I won’t see you again... if I die a second time."

Arren smiled at Spade, not minding the upheaval of what he just said to the alpha, "Spade... do you believe in reincarnation?"