The Devil's Good Girl
Chapter 86: You have a good heart, but you don’t love me.

Chapter 86: You have a good heart, but you don’t love me.

Inviting Marcus inside her home was quite bolder than him meeting her in the middle of the night. Fil didn’t want to appear just as forthcoming as him. Just enough to entertain him to keep him wrapped around her little pinky. Hence, she told him to walk with her until they reached a nearby park.

"You didn’t have to bother, you know?" Fil sat in the swing, looking at the person on the other side. "I could’ve gone to the convenience store and bought something."

"Is that how you thank me?" Marcus humored, brow arched. "I was worried."

"I’m fine."

"I know you’d be fine." Marcus nodded. "You’re a strong woman."

"Then why did you come here?"

"Am I not allowed to worry about a friend?"

"What about Vincent?" she returned, tilting her head a little to the side. "He’s your best friend, and I... dumped him. You should be comforting him, not me."

"Make sense." Marcus nodded again, smacking his lips as he pondered. "But he already got people to comfort him. You don’t."

Fil kept her eyes on him and forced a smile. She cast her eyes down, sighing deeply.

"I wanted to call Marianne," she confessed, hearing him hum in return. "But I couldn’t reach her."

"She’s a busy person," Marcus remarked, keeping his gaze on her. "You’ve been crying?"

"No."

He opened his mouth but then shut it again. His eyes lingered on her eyelids. They were slightly swollen, indicating she had been crying for quite some time now. His lips parted and then shut again.

"You might want to eat your ice cream," he said after a prolonged silence. "It’ll melt."

Fil glanced at him and smiled. "Mhm." She busily opened the plastic bag and picked out a wooden spoon, resting the ice cream on her lap.

"This flavor..." she whispered, stopping from opening the lid as she noticed the packaging. Looking back at him, her eyes softened as he smiled.

"I just remember you said you eat ice cream when you’re stressed, bored, or happy. So I thought it’d cheer you up if you have one when sad." He shrugged. "It’s a wild guess. I brought something else in case that goes in the fridge."

Fil chuckled. "You brought something else?"

"A cake."

"Goodness." she laughed, shaking her head mildly. "Ice cream is fine."

"Should I give away the cake, then?"

"No." She looked at him playfully. "I like cakes when I’m tired."

"Considering the projects you have at hand, I presume you’d be tired a lot."

Her lips stretched from ear to ear, giggling. "Want to share this with me?"

"I had a few drinks, so I’m good." He raised a hand. "But I do hope you’ll enjoy it."

"Thanks," she whispered, smiling at him sincerely. "I appreciate it. I really do."

"You’re welcome."

With that being said, Fil took her first bite. The center of the ice cream was still hard, but its edges had already melted. Even so, she enjoyed it, smiling in satisfaction. Meanwhile, Marcus quietly stared at her, watching her smile over something so simple.

"So?" he spoke after a prolonged silence. "Did you seriously break up with him?"

Fil looked back at him and hummed, "Mhm."

"That’s it?"

"Mhm. That’s it." She sighed heavily. "You know... I have loved Vincent for the longest time. I devoted my youth to him and even see him in my future. But the past years had been different. It felt like he was only there, or rather, he is only staying because it’s convenient."

"It’s not the same anymore." Bitterness shone in her eyes as she forced a smile. "I’m convenient, maybe needed. Not loved."

"I don’t think —"

"You’re his friend," she cut him off mid-sentence, guessing he would try to wear his good friend’s mask. Being Vincent’s friend wasn’t what he was supposed to do. "But I am your friend, too. Vincent already has friends to comfort him and talk shit about his stupid girlfriend — ex. At least, pity me and think that I... am your only friend."

Marcus sighed and shrugged. "I think I did tell you that you can talk shit about him. And that I will be bound by friendship confidentiality."

"You did. I’m claiming that now," she quipped before taking another spoonful. "You sure you don’t want some?"

"Are you sure you did the right call?" he returned. "Breaking up with him. Do you think it’s the right call?"

"Does it have to be right?" she tilted her head to the side. "I did what I had to do because if I don’t, it’ll just hurt me."

"You’re hurting now."

"I am. I am hurt." Her voice cracked as a thin layer of tears coated her eyes. "It hurts like hell, but I can live without him. I’ll probably miss him every once in a while, but that’s just about it."

A tear rolled down her cheeks as she shoved another spoonful into her mouth. "I trust people, Marcus. With all my heart. But most of the time, people tear my heart apart just because I trusted them. Vincent claims to love me, but his actions show otherwise."

"He knew just how important trust is for me, yet he would do things that would force me to bend everything I believe in. He would force me to adjust my boundaries and extend my tolerance of disrespect. I am a fool to think it was just one of the many things I have to do to prove my love," she continued bitterly, hanging her head low to hide her tears. "But I realized that no matter what I do, it’s never enough. I am not enough and that... I’m just becoming more and more miserable."

Fil bit her lips, muffling her cries. Tears dropped like rain on her lap, some even went into the ice cream.

"Fil," Marcus sighed, pushing himself from the swing and walking toward her. He squatted down in front of her, clasping her hand, waiting for her to look back at him. "I’m... I don’t know what to say. Honestly."

"But what I know is that, with the right man... you are more than enough." He smiled, nodding at her encouragingly while squeezing her hand. He caressed her cheeks with his fingertips, wiping her tears with his thumb.

"Everything will be fine," he added with a smile. "I’m sure of that."

Fil bit her lips in an attempt to stop crying. But alas, she only cried more. "If the man I spent decades with sees me as lacking, how can you say that I would meet a man who will not require me to do anything to be enough?"

"I just know." He reassured. "Trust me. It will be fine; it’ll pass."

Her tears streamed down her face even more now. She leaped forward, throwing herself into his arms. Her back and shoulders trembled, hand clasping on his back as if she had to hold on to something. Or else she would just completely break apart.

"Will it?" she asked through her tears, her back and shoulders trembling, hand clasping his back. "Will this pass, Marcus?"

Frozen for a second, Marcus blinked back at the current lapse and pat her back. "Yes. You are more than enough," he whispered, inhaling the faint scent of flowers from her hair. Marcus mentally sighed in distress, aware of the treacherous waters he was walking in right now.

He knew that she would need someone to talk to or confide in after her breakup with Vincent. He knew she would be vulnerable and hurt. Yet, he still came because... he knew it was the only way to establish his presence as a man to her.

He patted her back until her body stopped trembling. When she was calmed enough, he slowly released her as she leaned back. His eyes softened as he smiled subtly, wiping her tears with the back of his finger.

She pursed her mouth before her quivering lips parted. "If... you are Vincent, do you think I’ll be enough for you, Marcus?"

"If I were him, I’d treat you right — the way you deserve to be treated," he remarked quietly, eyes locked with hers. His hand thumb continued to gently caress her cheek. "I wouldn’t ask for more."

Her eyes softened even more as a beautiful, meek smile dominated her face. Both of them held each other’s gazes, sensing this tension rising between them. His eyes swirled with desire before they fell on her soft, slightly red-pinkish lips.

He felt his mouth dry up at the thought of how she kept biting them while crying. When he raised his gaze to meet hers, his mouth fell ajar. Slowly, he leaned his face closer, tilting his head a little.

This was wrong, was what his brain screamed. But alas, his heart argued otherwise. Before those two organs could come to terms with each other, he found his face inches from hers. She wasn’t doing anything to stop him — right, because she was vulnerable.

Inches before their lips touched, Fil slowly lowered her head.

"This is wrong, Marcus," she whispered, stopping him from his evil plans. "I can’t... do this to you too."

Marcus retracted his head, rocking his head. "I’m sorry," he expressed. "I didn’t mean to — it’s just —"

"I know." Fil forced a smile, holding his hand and squeezing it. "You pity me and want to prove that I can still find love or be loved."

She paused and nodded. "You have a good heart, but you don’t love me."

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