The Demon Lord's Bride (BL)
Chapter 193: Equality is key to furthering a healthy relationship

Chapter 193: Equality is key to furthering a healthy relationship

In the end, the druid went back to the mansion after Natha told Panne and the guards to take care of her. It was also his way of saying he wanted to be left alone with me.

Jade was sulking, but I promised the bird I’d play with them tomorrow, so Ignis dragged the bird somewhere else, probably looking for babysitter Lesta. I bid them goodbye as Natha took my hand through the garden once again.

It was weird; I had just came from this garden before, but it felt different walking with him, hand in hand. His skin was still very cold, a remnant of his own fear. So this time, I became the talkative one. I told him all about my ’dream’, meeting Valmaier and Mother.

"...Mother," he muttered. "Is that how you all call her?"

"I don’t know," I shrugged. "Ignis and Jade call her that too, but I know Sarterians call her Lady, just like you."

"She seemed nice,"

I nodded in confirmation. "Well, I didn’t speak much, but...she felt warm and familiar? I don’t know how to explain it..."

"It’s fine," Natha raised my arm and kissed the back of my hand. "She led you to fix your soul, so it’s good enough."

I pressed my lips to hide my fluster and asked him about the winter flowers again, even though I already asked Panne earlier. What was this...I felt so easily flustered so suddenly. Was it because he had been looking at me with unmasked affection? Those silver eyes that gleamed in the afternoon light were making my heart beat faster. I thought I had already gotten used to his intense gaze and gentle smile, but...

He stroked my cheek suddenly, and I almost flinched in surprise. "Are you tired?"

"N-no?"

"Should we take a seat?" he asked again while caressing my hair, pointing to a swing at the end of the garden.

Honestly, I wasn’t tired--I felt kind of restless instead. But then I remembered Natha had just come back from scouring the jungle and scoring a druid, not to mention super long-distance teleportation. So I agreed, thinking that he was the one who needed to rest.

As we took a seat, however, it felt rather awkward.

I was kind of curious about his journey to the realm of nature, but I couldn’t bring myself to ask about it for some reason. Perhaps because I knew he did it for me, because he thought he lost me. It left an uncomfortable taste in my mouth, and he was probably quite sensitive about it too, since it was proof of his desperation and vulnerability.

So I ended up just sitting there wordlessly, fiddling with my clothes while my heart kept beating fast, like we were on our first date or something.

It didn’t help that I became hyper-aware of his incessant gaze on me. Like...there was not a second where he stopped looking in my direction, as if I would suddenly disappear if he shifted his gaze even for a little bit. In that situation, he brushed the hair sticking to my face and tucked it away behind my ear, which I was sure already flaming red.

"Did I scare you earlier? I’m sorry," he rubbed my earlobe, and then grabbed my fiddling hand, gently pulling it from my clothes. They were cold, I had to admit; both from the weather and Natha’s cold strike.

"Just...a little bit," I confessed sheepishly, finally bringing myself to look at him. He did look apologetic, frowning and pressing his lips in regret. "I thought...I thought you’d come back happy, but..."

He let out a sigh and shifted closer, pressing his lips on my temple like every time he felt sorry. He turned his body slightly sideways, propping his elbow on the back of the swing as he massaged his temple lightly.

Now--now I saw it; how haggard he actually looked. There were dark circles below his eyes, accentuated by the reddened rim from when he cried earlier. He looked tired and stressed, but also relieved.

"Did you...get any sleep?" I asked carefully, reaching up to stroke the darkening flesh under his eyes.

Instead of answering, he closed his eyes and leaned into my touch. It was clear enough for me that he didn’t sleep a wink when I was unconscious and wandering around in the divine realm. And within that time, he was teleporting long distances for how many times--even though it took up a lot of his mana each time. Not to mention, negotiating with the elves and looking for the druid.

And he had to do all of that on his own because he needed to conserve his mana, and teleporting with someone else would be too taxing.

"I..." he started to open his mouth, although his eyes were still closed. "During those five years when I hide in my teacher’s place, I kept on asking myself," he lowered his head, chasing my stroking hand. "For what exactly...do I need to keep on surviving? My parents were gone, my land was seized, and I still had to deal with this ’gift’ I never asked for."

He opened his eyes slowly, brows furrowed and breaking my heart. I reached out my other hand to cusp his cheek. Remembering the incoherent notes of madness and how unstable his writing was in those last few pages of the notebook made my heart clench.

I knew it must have been hard for him, but I never thought it would be to a point where he wanted to end everything. He must have been so tired, being chased and terrorized for something he never asked. I knew how it felt when we were getting too tired of holding on. I felt that several times when the pain felt too much. If it wasn’t for Grandpa telling me to hold on...

"Honestly, it was hard," he said, smiling a little bit when I started to stroke his cheeks. "I was at a point where even thinking about revenge felt so bothersome and pointless."

I bit my lips to prevent myself from crying. He was my age wasn’t he, when he had to run away from those demons who wanted him dead?

He caressed my hair with the back of his hand, entangling the strands between his fingers as his smile stretched out a little bit more. "Perhaps that was why I was called to the Sanctuary," he said. "Because the Lord knew I need to meet you."

I froze, looking at him with widened eyes.

"I need to meet you, to see that life was worth living for again, because...how could I end myself before I met you again in this world?" he laughed softly. A heartbreaking sound that reverberated in this small corner of the garden.

"Even if I have to look for a potion of immortality to wait for you, I would have done so."

Oh, Natha...

I looked into the silver eyes, for a moment forgetting all my embarrassment. I just want to hug him right now, but I also want to look at his face, to gaze into his eyes and tell him how grateful I was.

He returned my gaze, and his brows furrowed again slightly. "They told me you were waking up, and I got here in haste, wondering if it’s truly you...or someone else..." his voice was getting lower and strained. "But you weren’t there."

Ah...

Oh, how stupid of me! I should have waited for him patiently in our room.

"And I got scared, pathetically so," he chuckled bitterly.

Immediately, I shook my head hard. "No, you’re not!"

"Thinking of losing you again truly..." Natha continued, still with that wry expression. "For the first time since I came to know you, I was so close to ending it all."

I pressed my palm across his lips and shook my head, glaring at him. His lips stretched under my fingers, and he leaned forward, pressing our forehead together. "I won’t. As long as you’re here, I’ll be here too."

I didn’t realize I was holding my breath, but I was exhaling hard then. Pulling his neck closer, I lay my head on his broad shoulder, inhaling the scent of journey in his coat; a testament to his desperation and affection for me.

As I lay there, and he caressed my hair, my mind went to the time when I was a sick patient and he was in Nathanael’s body. There were times when he did that to me too, stroking my back and caressing my hair, sending warmth to my broken body. Even now, his touch felt warm, even if his skin was cold.

"Natha..."

"Mm?"

"Why...did you look angry when I called your name in the past?"

His hand stopped, and I could hear his erratic heartbeat. He didn’t answer though, so I lifted my head--or at least I tried, because he pushed my head back to his shoulder. "No, I don’t want you to look at my face right now."

"Huh? Why?" I blinked against his shoulder. Natha sounded...flustered?

"I’m embarrassed," he said quietly.

That only made me want to look even more! I bit my lips and tried to push myself off, but he held me down strongly. In the end, I could only huff in disappointment, regretting not having Jade here as my CCTV.

"Fine, but tell me why," I relented, pursing my lips as I lay my head back on his shoulder.

He let out a sigh. "This is why I stopped sensing your thought," he started to confess. "When you call out the name, what I sense from your mind was another man, and it made me...stupid."

"...huh?" I tilted my head in confusion. "Oh...because I thought about the young doctor? But...he is you?"

"As I said, I became stupid," he sighed again. "I suddenly had this thought that perhaps you continued getting closer with the original Nathanael, and you were...haa..."

"Wait..." I pushed myself away again, and this time, he relented. "You thought I had a relationship with the doctor?"

"I felt insecure," Natha looked away with a slight color on his ears. "I didn’t know what happened after I left the body, or if my feelings got embedded in that body. I wondered if Nathanael continued my advances and got...further, with you."

"So ridiculous!" I hit his shoulder. "He never even looked my way when you weren’t in control!"

"That’s why I want to ask who...which one between me and him, but..." Natha massaged his temple again. "Haa...but I couldn’t risk exposing the truth and having your soul disappear."

I hit him again, harder this time, and he let me with a wry smile on his face. Oh--how frustrating. So much of our anguish could be solved if only we just talked honestly about our circumstances.

Wait--isn’t that mean...we had been feeling the same? With how I thought he had a feeling for Valmeier instead. I paused as the realization filled my mind.

Being stupid and insecure and cowardly...it wasn’t just me?

I looked up then, eyes widened as I blinked at him in wonder. He looked back at me with a stunned expression, asking cautiously. "What is it?"

I bit my lips, the hands I used to hit his shoulder earlier trembled slightly as I fiddled with the green pendant on his chest. "Umm...Natha..."

"...yes?"

I looked down as my heart started to race again, beating so loudly I could hear it in my ears. The rush of blood went to my face and all over my body, as a tingling feeling spreading inside.

"Should...should we...do it?"