The Demon Lord's Bride (BL)
Chapter 182: We are just two idiots in love

Chapter 182: We are just two idiots in love

I grabbed the cushion with both hands, and slammed it hard on his face.

"Sweetheart--"

I swung the cushion back and slammed it on his side, again and again and again. "How! Could you! Do this! To me!" I hit him after every word I screamed off, feeling my eyes heating and my body shivering.

Natha just sat there looking at me with widened eyes as I hit him over and over again. What--did he think I wouldn’t get angry?! Did he think I would get all sappy?!

"Do you know how hard it is for me all this time?! Do you know how confused I am about everything because you resembled the doctor so much?!"

I poured every frustration, agitation, and anxiety that I had been feeling for the past six months into my arms that swung the cushion. At some point, the cushion was ripped from the metal cuff and chains on Natha’s outfit and his horns, sending feathers scattering all over us.

"Val--"

"How could you say nothing?!" I screamed at him, simply discarding the ripped cushion and grabbing another one as a new weapon. "Do you know how hard it is for me, feeling guilty because I thought I’m deceiving you?!"

I raised the cushion high, but my eyes were getting blurry and my body was getting tired from everything that happened today. I was mentally exhausted and before I knew it, I was crying loudly.

"Swe--sweetheart..."

I cried even louder when he grabbed my body, which was slumping down to the floor. I was a mess. My mind was a mess, even though things had become clearer. But like a dam, everything that I had been keeping inside was pouring out. The tears that I had promised not to shed gushing out unbidden.

"I thought...I thought the one you love is Valmeier..."

I continued to sob, and Natha’s eyes widened even more.

"That’s...what you were thinking of?!" he replied in shock. "Were you crying that night on the lake because of that?"

The cushion that was still in my hands swung to smack him again. He never thought of that?! He never thought that I might think he loved Valmeier instead of me?!

All of my anxiety and fear wouldn’t be there if he only said. IT! From the start!

"Stupid! You are stupid! Stupid! Stupid!"

"Oh, God..."

This time, Natha stopped me--perhaps because the cushion was bouncing back into my face due to the proximity. He put the cushion away and pulled me into his embrace, and all I could do was cry even harder. Even Jade didn’t cry as much as me when I left the bird the last time.

"Oh, God--sweetheart, I’m sorry," he grasped my back and my head, pressing me into his chest and shoulder. I clutched onto his back, wailing, and with every tear that I shed, there were fear and anxiety that flowed along, leaving my heart and soul.

"Why...hic--why didn’t you tell me..." I sobbed, hiccuping into his shoulder and wetting his clothes.

"I couldn’t," he said, with a clenched jaw that I could feel brushing against my temple. "I mean, I thought I couldn’t..."

Frowning, I pulled myself and shoved him away, glaring at his troubled face and demanding harshly. "Explain!"

He pressed his lips, holding my arms that were still stretched out against his chest, keeping us at arm’s length.

"I also..." he gripped my arms, and let out a sigh through gritted teeth. "I also wanted to tell you--way back then, when I was possessing the doctor’s body," he closed his eyes, frowning. "I want to tell you who I was, that I wasn’t the doctor, that I wasn’t Nathanael. I want to tell you that I loved you, that I want you," the silver eyes opened and looked at me with a gaze full of regret and longing. "But I couldn’t."

I frowned at his explanation. What did the past have to do with why he didn’t tell me the truth from the start and spare me the agony?

"Why?" I asked with furrowed brows.

"If I revealed who I was, I wouldn’t be able to keep the possession anymore. I would be immediately pulled back to this world," he explained, staring straight into my widened eyes. "So no matter how much I want to tell you, I couldn’t," he shook his head.

I couldn’t be so sure, but looking at him, Natha seemed as if he wanted to go back to that time if he could, redoing everything. Perhaps he wanted to go back and tell me about him first at the risk of separation, so that we could find each other better in this world.

"I was young then. All I wanted was just to spend more days with you," he chuckled bitterly, which seemed to further confirm my assumption. "And...after I found out that you were no longer Valmeier, but Valen, I was worried the same thing would happen," he breathed out rather roughly then, and his hold on my arms was getting tighter. "That if you know, you’ll wake up in that other world."

Oh...

"But when you told me the person I love is not you, I just..." he laughed, a strange sound because it sounded like he was choking and I had never heard that from him before. "...I just want you to know the truth."

By the logic that he’d been believing in, he risked the chance of me vanishing from Valmeier’s body right now, by revealing the truth. Something that he had been avoiding for half a year.

He closed his eyes and let out a long sigh. "Haa...I guess my emotion gets the better of me."

Ah...how could I keep getting angry at him when he was like this? I retracted my stretched arms that acted like a barrier between us, and he immediately shifted forward to close our gap, cupping my cheek gently.

"You’ll forgive me, won’t you, sweetheart?" he asked, with a voice that was accompanied by a harsh breath as if he was getting chased by a nightmare. And then, when I didn’t answer immediately, he spoke again. "Valen, you’ll forgive me, won’t you?"

It was an automatic reaction; I clutched his lapel and pulled him down for a kiss. Just for how he finally called me by my real name, I would be ready to forgive him for anything.

He embraced me tighter, kissing me while stroking my wet cheeks, which were still getting wetter even now. This time, it was a cry of relief.

A massive, massive clog had been lifted off my chest. All of those struggling with identity, all of that guilt for taking Valmeier’s place, all of the envy for the one receiving Natha’s love...everything vanished through this revelation. Even though it still felt stupid that we could avoid all of this if Natha revealed it from the start, I understood his fear.

And thinking that...that he had been in love with me when I was still a sickly patient in a hospital gown that fainted just by touching snow...

"Valen," he whispered again, against my lips, with the same relief, as if he had been waiting for a time when he could call my name again. "You’re still Valen, aren’t you?"

I closed my eyes tightly and nodded, because I was tired of ugly crying after all those wailing I did earlier, and I felt his lips on my cheeks, on my eyelids, as if he wanted to chase away all the tears that I was shedding.

"I thought it’ll be okay even if I keep my silence," he said, pulling back a little bit so he could wipe my cheeks as I sobbed and hiccuped again. "I thought it’s okay as long as you love me again," he caressed my hair, which I knew was messed up and littered with plumes from the ripped cushion. "I didn’t know you were harboring all of those thoughts, sweetheart, I’m so sorry."

I took a deep breath to stop my sobbing, although it left me quivering against his chest as he embraced me tighter. "It’s my fault," he kissed my forehead, and I released a hot breath, snuggling closer to chase his coldness to cool my heated skin. "I’m sorry sweetheart, it’s my fault."

Perhaps...perhaps it was our fault. Perhaps I should have said that I wasn’t Valmeier in the first place, that I came from another world. But just like him, I was scared. I was scared I would be persecuted, and I was scared I wouldn’t have any value to sell as an ordinary man in a world without magic.

I breathed heavily, feeling the strength seeping out of my body after the adrenaline was gone, closing my eyes as I clutched into his clothes. I was vaguely aware that he was calling my name, but I was too tired after all that tension.

I just want to drown in the cool sensation of his body, and drifted off.

I just...want to sleep.

I just...

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