The Demon Lord's Bride (BL)
Chapter 180: If you have questions, it’s normal to look for answers

Chapter 180: If you have questions, it’s normal to look for answers

When we reach the t-junction, I stopped in my track, feeling the tip of my fingers trembling and slowly, I crouched on the floor, trying to fill my chest with air.

Calm down. Calm down, Val. There was no use in asking all of these questions that I wouldn’t be able to answer by myself.

[Master?]

"Your spell is broken, I’m just saying..."

I clasped my mouth so I wouldn’t let out any sound, because I didn’t want to worry the little bird. But I think Ignis understood a bit more, because it placed the tiny foot on my cheek.

"Don’t think too much; if you have questions, then it’s normal to look for the answers," the blue eyes were glowing brightly inside the dark passage, looking at me with fierceness and softness. "You just have to ask."

"Just--"

It was such an easy word to say, but how could I just ask Natha about that?

"It’s not like you can act normally in front of him after this,"

Ignis’s words almost choked me again, because...because it was true. I wouldn’t be able to look at his eyes or speak to him without resolving this. But I was scared. I was so scared that it would end badly and--

[Master?]

The little bird started to quiver, confused and anxious by my emotions. So I hugged the bird, and I hugged the lizard, and they stroked my cheek gently.

"Master, even if things will turn out bad, you still have us. Right, bird?"

[Yes! Jade don’t understand but Jade won’t leave Master!]

"Oh, you silly children!"

"We’re not children!"

[Jade no child! Jade strong! Ignis strong! We protect Master!]

Oh, what a silly bird. Jade seemed to think that my anxiety stemmed from a dangerous situation. Well...I didn’t exactly know if it was going to be dangerous.

Confronting a Demon Lord...never turned out well in stories.

"Thank you," I whispered to my companions. "But I don’t want you to be around when I speak to him later, okay?"

[Why?!]

"Why?"

I swallowed hard and stood up, still hugging them in my arms. "Because it’s something that we need to solve in private. You can do that for me, can you?"

[Ngh...]

"Are you sure?"

I nodded firmly, and the Salamander sighed. "Alright. But you have to call for us if things go bad. And...and if you hurt, we’ll come inside even if you don’t call, okay?"

Again, I nodded, forcing my legs to step forward through the dark corridor. "Okay."

* * *

Thanks to Ignis and Jade calming me down, I managed to reactivate my stealth spell and snuck back to the master bedroom before anyone could realize I was missing. It was good that I told Panne to take a rest and only come to find me when it was time for lunch.

While he might not know I had snuck out, he probably realized I had gone somewhere when he looked for me at noon, and found a pile of slightly dirty clothes in the corner of the bathroom. It couldn’t be help--the passage hadn’t been used for such a long time and it was full of dust.

But even if he wanted to ask about it, he didn’t. Or rather, he might think he couldn’t.

Because after shedding all of those clothes, I was soaking myself in the tub, down to my chin, and just crouching there. Ignis kept the water temperature warm with its tail dangling at one corner, dipping into the water, and Jade was nuzzling the part of my body that wasn’t in the water.

Our bath time was usually boisterous, with chirping noises that Jade made while playing with water. But this time, the bathroom was quiet. And Panne, being the reserved demon that he was, knew that he shouldn’t pry.

"Would you like to have luncheon with Madam Rubha, Young Master?" he asked softly. "Or would you like to have it in the room?"

Ah...he might know me better than I thought. "Is it alright if I dine alone for now?"

"Of course," he nodded, and quietly proceeded to leave the room.

"Do you know...when Natha will come back?" I managed to ask before he opened the bathroom door.

Panne stopped and looked back, and I sunk myself slightly lower, so he could only see my face. "I believe His Lordship will come back before dinner, Young Master."

"Dinner..." the water bubbled at my muttering, and then I recalled that we were supposed to have that private dinner. I raised my head slightly so I could speak better and told him. "Panne, I don’t think you need to prepare that dinner anymore."

"Young Master?"

He looked taken aback, but I didn’t want him to prepare something that we wouldn’t use. It wasn’t that I was being pessimistic, but...even if the talk went well, I didn’t think we would be in the mood to have a romantic dinner date.

"Please," I insisted, despite his confusion. "Will you tell me if His Lordship’s back?"

He stared at me wordlessly for a few seconds before nodding and bending his waist slightly. "By your command."

The moment the bathroom door closed, I sunk myself completely into the tub, filling my vision with water. Ignis was right--there was no way I could act normally in front of Natha without talking it through. But even then, waiting for him to get home was agonizing.

I couldn’t help but keep on thinking about all of those questions, and nothing that I did afterward; reading, training, meditating, could keep my mind away from it. I even tried doing Eruha’s homework, but I would find myself staring blankly at the page after only reading a passage or two.

Ignis and Jade tried to engage me in conversation, and while I did participate initially, our talk would turn out stale not long after, so in the end, I just spent the rest of the day sitting in front of the fireplace and gazing blankly at the flame.

Until I heard the sound of carriages in the distance.

I got out of the room before Panne even managed to find me, and I almost crashed into him while I ran down the bedroom gallery to the front door. The moment I heard the conversation in the great hall, I hastened my pace. It was a miracle that I didn’t stumble on the stairs.

When I stepped down the stairs, the first thing that I saw was his face, smiling fondly as he saw me running down the stairs. He walked closer before I could, the silver eyes gleaming softly.

"Did your training go well?" Natha asked when he was close enough, but I couldn’t answer him, for I worried I would give up my resolve by saying something else.

So instead, I grabbed his arm, hard, because I needed to firm myself as I looked into his surprised eyes. I tried to tune out everything around me but him, and forced my lips to open.

"I want to talk," I said, and immediately pressed my lips together again so they did not tremble.

I was thinking of ’asking’ him, in a softer and more polite way. But it came out like a demand due to my state of mind, and it must have been shocking to everyone because they stopped moving and looked at us.

Natha blinked, and for a few seconds, just looked at me. I could see many things flashing in his eyes within those few seconds; confusion, curiosity, worry...

But he took off my gripping hand gently and held it in his. "Of course," he replied briefly, calmly, as he pulled me into the bedroom gallery.

He must know how serious it was because he glanced at Jade and Ignis that stayed behind instead of following me. I tried to regulate my breathing as we walked silently through the corridor, and into our bedroom.

Natha closed the door, but did not lock it. He let me go as soon as we entered the bedroom and I took a deep breath as I walked toward the fireplace. Perhaps if I wasn’t feeling so cold, I would be able to talk better.

"I’m listening," he simply said, walking toward the bench at the foot of the bed and taking a seat. I could feel his eyes, which never left me, observing me in silence, trying to gauge my mood.

Where...where did I have to start from?

I fiddled with the hem of my clothes, and took another deep breath, inhaling the scent of fire and cold wind.

"I...accidentally heard something today,"

"Okay," he replied patiently as I paused to gather my thought.

I swallowed, and asked him. "Didn’t you say that you’ve never had a lover before?"

"...yes."

From his short answer, I could guess that he was frowning right now. But I had no courage to face him so I just kept staring at the fire instead. "And...and didn’t you say...you only ever loved one person?"

"Yes."

The answer came firmer, and perhaps...a little bit colder.

"But that person...wasn’t me, isn’t it?" I bit my lips as soon as I finish saying it.

Because I was afraid I’d choked. And because I heard Natha stand up from his seat.

"What exactly did you hear?"

His voice was cold, incredulous, as if he found the notion of him loving someone else to be ridiculous. Or perhaps, it was just my imagination, just a little hope I made to cheer myself up.

As I heard the sound of his footsteps, I shifted further, avoiding proximity. And it prompted him to stop.

"Sweetheart, tell me what you heard."

This time, it wasn’t a question--it was an order. I grabbed my hand, rubbed the brand and stroked the ring. Our bond. Or at least it was supposed to be.

"I heard...you..."

I paused again, feeling like my throat burning. God--it was harder than I thought. "I heard you always call someone’s name during your rut!"

I blurted it out as fast as I could, before I lost courage and was too choked up to say it properly.

But once I let that one out, everything came pouring out like a flood.

"That’s...that doesn’t make sense right?" I grasped my hand hard so I wouldn’t tremble so much. "You...we just met not long ago...you met Valmeier five years ago, but...but you still called that name in your rut three years ago."

At this point, I didn’t even think I knew what I was saying anymore.

"And you’ve been, you’ve been calling that person for...for dozens of years and...it just doesn’t make sense!" my voice was getting higher, and Natha still said nothing, but I barely recognized it. "If you...if you only ever loved one person, then it must have been that person, right? Not...not me, not Valmeier--unless...unless it was a lie, about the name, but..."

"It’s not a lie," his voice, which I finally heard after my uncontrollable rant, felt like an icicle stabbing my whole body.

It wasn’t a lie.

It wasn’t a lie that he’d been calling someone else’s name during his rut.

"And you’re right, that person was the one I ever loved," he continued, and I could only stand there, feeling like I would fall anytime soon. "Love," he corrected. "I still love that person even now."

Hah. Ha ha...so everything was just my misunderstanding? It wasn’t even Valmeier that he loved, but whoever it was that he’d been calling...

"Do you know what that name is?" he asked, and I almost burst out laughing.

"What does it matter for me to kno--"

"Valen,"

My lips hung frozen without I could finish my sentence. Slowly, as if I was drowned in mud, I turned to look at him.

His eyes, glowing like a moonlight, were staring at me, clearer and more honest than at any other time. His face was calm and solemn.

"The person I had been in love with for sixty-seven years," he said, with a voice that somehow felt louder, as if he said it right in my ears. "That person’s name," he did not blink as he utter that name again, "is Valen."