The Accidental Necromancer
Xyla

Wrapped up in vines, I could just barely twist my head to see a woman standing a few feet from where I’d sat on the ruins of the guardhouse. Her skin was a pale green, and there was a lot of it on display. A few leaves covered the lower halves of her breasts, and her bikini area, but aside from that she was naked, and despite my predicament I couldn’t help but stare. Her breasts were improbably full for her slender frame, and her thighs looked soft and smooth. Dark green hair adorned with pink and red flowers fell in luxurious waves to her waist, and her eyes were a deep green as well, the irises almost as dark as her pupils. She was several inches shorter than me.

“I’m sorry,” I said, trying not to panic. “I was just trying to, um, get out of where I was.” Probably best not to talk about coming from a mausoleum.

She walked around me, looking me over. At least once she was in front I didn’t have to crane my neck. She reached out and touched my face, and then my neck. “What are you?” she asked. “You’re an elf, I suppose.” She groped my breasts. “But I’ve never seen an elf with such large ones.”

I’d tied a few girlfriends up, but I’d never been on the other end. I’d never wanted to be. But if I was, having a beautiful and practically naked woman touch me was definitely on the agenda, and blood surged southward despite my predicament, and the fact that she clearly had consent issues. “Who are you?”

She looked back at me sternly. “I’m a dryad,” she said. “This is my home that you’ve invaded. And you’re helpless in my vines.”

I could, I assumed, Dimension Step out of her trap. Or Life Drain the vines, since they were touching me, and then break out of them as they turned brittle. I wouldn’t know for sure unless I tried it, but I didn’t think I was helpless, so I stayed calm. “Can we talk?” I asked.

“We’re talking now,” she pointed out.

“Good point. As I said, I am not from around here. I’ve never seen a dryad before. I didn’t even know dryads existed. I don’t know anything about this place. I didn’t mean any harm, I just wanted to find out where things were, and it’s so overgrown here I couldn’t get out without cutting a little.”

“You came from there?” she said, pointing to the building. “Nothing has ever come from there, or gone in.”

“Yes. It’s a very long story.”

“How did you even get into it, much less out? Nevermind. And that?” She pointed where I’d cleared everything in an attempt to excavate the ruins of the old building.

“I was curious.”

“So you just went around killing everything. I sensed dark magic earlier, but — this! What are you?”

“I’m human,” I said, automatically, and then wondered if that was true right now. “Um, futanari.”

“Futanari? What does that mean?”

I reddened, not wanting to explain it. She was touching me again, touching my breasts through the clothes.

Get her to touch your skin. Then you can drain her life and start your undead army!

“Where I come from we ask before touching like that,” I said. It wasn’t like it was unpleasant or anything, if the touching had been mutual.

You know you can Dimension Step out of this anytime you want, don’t you?

Yeah, I’d figured that out.

“Well, you’re in my forest now, and you are trespassing. Perhaps I should kill you, instead?” But she took her hands off.

And once free you could overpower her and use all her holes.

I decided to ignore Enash. All he was doing was convincing me that I could never, ever risk letting him go free. I was not going to let him hurt the lovely green lady, even if we did seem to be at odds at the moment. I admit that if it had been a man, I probably wouldn’t have hesitated to respond to force with force, which was sexist, but so be it. I didn’t care for being tied up, but knowing I could get free when I wanted made a difference. As long as I wasn’t in more danger, I wouldn’t attack her. Besides, it was entirely possible she could do worse than tie me up with those vines if she was attacked. “I’m sorry again. My name is Abel, uh, Abby. What’s yours?”

She frowned. “Xyla.”

“Nice to meet you Xyla.”

“No it’s not, Abela-abby. I have you wrapped up so you can’t move. Don’t lie to me. Unless you’re into this kind of thing. Does being all tied up and helpless in front of a beautiful dryad make you wet?” She groped my crotch, and I couldn’t help but react a little to that.

Her eyes widened.

“Oh!”

“You know, there’s such a thing as consent,” I said.

She pulled back her hand, but kept staring at my crotch. “Well. You should have thought of that before you started destroying things. Did you ask the brambles for consent? Huh?”

I took a deep breath. This world worked differently than home. Maybe every decent elf or orc or whatever asked the lawn permission before mowing. But why would the lawn say yes? “Um, again, I’m sorry,” I said. “At least where I’m from, brambles and plants and things aren’t sentient, and don’t have pain receptors, so no one asks what they want.”

She put her hands on her hips and pouted. “Well, they aren’t exactly sentient here, either, but you could have asked me. How is it that you look like a girl, but have a — a throbbing manhood?”

“It’s not throbbing,” I said. Tingling a bit, maybe. She was lovely to look at, and very exotic, and despite her powers over vines, much less threatening than she’d been at first.

She smirked. “I bet I can fix that.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised if you could. Look, how would I know to ask you about the brambles? How would I even know you were here, until you came and introduced yourself? I think what we have here is a little misunderstanding. This is your forest, I suppose?”

“Yes, obviously.”

“Got it. I damaged it, and I’m sorry. And I’m willing to make it up to you, if you’ll tell me how.”

Her pretty green eyebrows furrowed in concentration.

“Can you cast spells?”

I didn’t want to lie, but the whole truth seemed like a bad idea. “Yes, but they aren’t very nice spells.”

That’s because you’re a lowly first circle twit. Wait until you get Death Ray, or Create Vampire!

“Well, I could keep you tied up for a month and use you as my sex slave,” Xyla suggested.

“No.”

“I could do that anyway.”

“You could, but then you’d be no better than a — a — destroyer of vines.”

She made a face. “It wouldn’t be so bad, would it? Do you think I’m repulsive? I’m pretty sure I could make it good for you.”

“You’re a very beautiful woman.”

“You think so?” She posed, playing with her hair and giving me a profile view, with her knee slightly bent. “Do I make you hard?”

“Well, not at the moment, but I’d react somewhat more if I wasn’t all bound.”

“I don’t trust you,” she said. “Nice try.”

What did I have that she might want? The weed whacker was probably just a tool of destruction. I didn’t think she’d think much of hedge clippers, chainsaws, or a lawn mower, either. Most of what I’d brought down had the sole purpose of destroying plants one way or the other. My cell phone was cool, but I wasn’t going to give it to her. The keys and wallet full of credit cards inside my jeans in the crypt were all valueless here.

“Do you eat food, like a woman would?”

“Yes. I do most things like a woman would. Only much, much better.”

“In the bag at my waist, on the right side, is some food. Possibly of a kind you’ve never had before. You might like it.”

“It’s probably poisoned, so you can kill all the animals.”

“Well, you can make me eat some first.”

She thought that over for a moment, and then opened my belt bag. Inside were two lemon flavored energy bars, a honey crisp apple, and a baggie of trail mix. She pulled out the apple and held it up to my face.

I bit into it and chewed while she watched.

Satisfied, she started eating it, too. “Not bad. But not that different, either. I could plant the seeds, I guess.” She looked at me. “Maybe I’ll let you live.”

“I was sort of hoping for that, yes.”

“But I think you’d be pretty dangerous if I freed you. You’re bigger than me.” She glanced at my chest, and my crotch. “In many ways.”

I was tempted to free myself. But she clearly felt safer thinking I was bound, and I figured I could leave at any time. She was my neighbor, and it was important to be on good terms. Especially since I had a portal that would let her get to Earth and do God knows what. It wouldn’t take her long to find someone cutting down a tree or whacking weeds in suburbia, and then what would she do? I had the feeling even if it wasn’t “her forest” she’d still be annoyed at the wanton destruction.

Also, I still wanted to get through the forest at some point, because otherwise my time on this world was going to be dull. I’d have merely exchanged the tomb for an arena slightly larger. “Try the other things.”

She held a bar up to my face, in the wrapper. “You first.”

I opened the wrapper with my teeth, and then spit it out. “That’s just the container. This is the part you eat.” I bit off a chunk, and again she watched me while I chewed and swallowed.

Then she tried a bite herself, and shrugged. “Meh. It’s very dry and makes me thirsty. I’d rather eat berries.”

“There’s water in the bottle.”

“Ah! That’s where you’re keeping the poison!”

I sighed and shook my head. “There’s no poison, really, Xyla. Again, I’ll drink the water first, if you like.”

So she opened it, and poured the water into my mouth. She had to stretch, because she was shorter than me. A bunch of the water got on my face, and it annoyed me that I couldn’t wipe it off without busting out.

She tasted the water and made a face. “Stale, and not very cold. I have a stream nearby, why would I want this?”

I shrugged. “Try the trail mix in the clear little bag.”

She immediately looked suspicious. She looked at the bag and held it up to me.

“It’s a bag,” I explained. “It just happens to be clear.”

“Oh.” She looked at me funny. “I’ve never seen anything like this. It’s clear like glass but bends like a leaf.”

“We have different things where I’m from. I’m not from around here. Try one of the brown things.”

“The ones that look like poop?”

I suppose that a chocolate chip might look a little like some kind of poop. In fact they were almost the shape of the poop emoji. “Yeah. Feed me one first, of course, to make sure.”

She fed me a chocolate chip. I could get used to her feeding me, if I wasn’t tied up. I smiled, both at the thought and the taste of the chocolate.

Then she had one herself, and her eyes went wide. “Oh!” she said.

“Good, yes?”

She savored it, then pulled out another piece of chocolate and popped that in her mouth. “It melts in my mouth!”