The Accidental Necromancer
Girl Talk

Talos seemed happy to be Kathy’s chaperone, so I let them go off together that afternoon after lunch. I really wanted to just hang out as Abby, even though there were things I had to do. The stairway was a good idea, and a mini-fridge with four people now living in the crypt and two Earthling visitors seemed inadequate. My guests should have real mattresses on real beds, too.

Calling Gren my guest was curious. My blue girlfriend had moved in, that’s what had happened. And Talos and Valeria were there to stay, too, cramping our style. On second thought, I needed the break. I remembered what I was doing when Talos and Valeria had first showed up, and changed into the swimsuit. My e-reader was upstairs, with the latest fantasy book that could take me away to another world… no, to heck with that. I didn’t need a book. I was living the life.

I looked in the mirror. I was damn sexy in that swimsuit. As long as I didn’t get hard, there was just the tiniest bulge in the bikini bottoms. I went out, lay back in the chair, and just enjoyed being almost naked and being my feminine self. I stroked my legs but realized that the little bulge in my bottoms wouldn’t stay little if I did that, so I closed my eyes and just felt the breeze, instead.

Of course, I ended up taking a nap. I had the best dream.

“Wow, it’s huge!”

Xyla giggled. “I told you so!”

I woke up to see Valeria and Xyla, and realized that my erotic dream had an effect that was entirely indecent and I’d escaped my tiny bikini, so I tried to cover up.

My soft delicate hands on my hard cock didn’t help it go down, but at least what I was covering was thinner than the arm I was using to cover it. Barely.

“L’shan preserve me,” Valeria said, and ran into the crypt.

Xyla knelt next to me. “Want me to take care of that, lover?” She licked her lips.

“Yes, and yet no. If Valeria comes back out –”

“Maybe she’ll join in. She’s got a crush on you, you know.”

“No, I don’t, and neither do you.”

Xyla grinned. “Oh, yes I do. Girl talk.”

“Shouldn’t that be confidential?”

She kissed my cheek. “I’d only share girl talk with another girl,” she said.

“I’m sorry for my reaction,” Valeria said from behind me. Apparently she’d come back out again.

“No, no, it’s perfectly reasonable.” My arm was still in place.

“I – Abby, it’s not reasonable for you to change everything you do here because of us. You should be free to wear whatever or as little as you want, even if it means me having to see your enormous, um, member, and your big, round breasts.”

I rolled over onto my stomach, which the chair wasn’t designed for but at least it freed my hands. “You sure?” I asked, wondering why she put it that way. I still couldn’t really see her.

“Yes. But it may give me impure thoughts.”

“Oh, dear!” Xyla said sarcastically.

Yes! Seducing paladins is the best.

“So maybe you’d better tie me up so that I’m not tempted to sin.”

Ah, that’s where we were going. “In a minute, maybe?” I asked.

“So you have time to get your clothes off,” Xyla said.

“What?” asked Valeria and me at the same time.

“It’s only fair. You’ve seen her practically naked now. Aren’t paladins into that whole justice thing?”

“Oh! Right,” Valeria said. “I’m taking them off now.”

That wasn’t helping my little, or not so little problem, but neither did I want to tell to stop.

“Someone will need to watch me,” Valeria said. “I don’t want Talos touching me when I’m naked.”

“Oh, I’ll watch. And I bet Abby will, too.”

“Okay! All ready now. Come on, Abby, hurry up. I can just feel the urge to sin inside me, trying to burst out.”

Fuck it. I stood up, and Valeria’s eyes went straight to my crotch. Mine roved more, over her big firm breasts, her tight abs, the little tuft of red above her pussy, her toned thighs and shapely calves.

Holy – um, yeah, that was the problem. Holy. But wow, if she wanted to sin, I and my equipment were ready to help.

I had my bag right next to me, which meant I had the rope, too. I got it out, trying not to be self-conscious of my own body no matter how much Valeria stared.

Xyla rubbed my back. Or that was what I thought she was doing, until the top of my swimsuit fell off. She giggled. “Justice!”

Right, because Valeria was stark naked. Maybe I should take off the bikini bottoms too, but they were at least covering my pussy and some of my ass.

I tied Val’s hands behind her back, and then her ankles, trying not to let my cock whack her. I could smell how aroused she was, which made it hard to focus, but after I tied her I propped her up against the wall of the mausoleum.

“Thank you, Abby, for protecting me from my sinful urges. Now I can’t touch that big, hard –”

“Yes, yes.”

“He likes it when we take it in our mouths,” Xyla said. “And your mouth is still available.”

Valeria’s eyes went wide, and she started rubbing her thighs together.

I’d had enough of justice. “Watch her for a few minutes,” I told Xyla, and I went inside to get my black dress on over the swimsuit, and some shoes.

“Can I play with her?”

“If she consents!” I yelled out.

“She wants you to be her first!” Xyla yelled.

“Xyla!” Valeria said. “That’s not what I told you, and anyway, it was a secret!”

I walked back out.

Xyla pouted. “Abby! We have a paladin here completely naked. And you know how they feel about justice.”

“Yeah, well,” I said. “She can’t do anything about it because she’s all tied up. How do the ropes feel, Val?”

“Very tight, Abby, thank you. And we paladins also like the order found in a clear hierarchy, which in this case is emphasized by our apparel.”

“Wait, are you saying she outranks me?” Xyla asked Valeria.

“The book of L’shan tells us that truths are best faced with gratitude and acceptance,” Valeria said. “Chapter four, verse fifteen.”

“Well, then. I’ll just leave you two alone,” Xyla said. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do, but there’s not much I wouldn’t do. Just a few things I don’t have the equipment for.”

“Okay,” I said. I appreciated, in a way, the fact that having to watch over Valeria would stop me from trying to get any work done. Tomorrow was soon enough for that. “Could you get Nutty to warn us before Kathy and Talos get back?”

“Yes, darling,” Xyla said, and leaned up to kiss me.

I kissed her back, and then she half-ran, half skipped into the forest. I liked seeing her happy, and I appreciated that she was leaving me alone with the sexy paladin, even though nothing was going to happen. Val wanted to be tied up, and I wasn’t going to do anything to her unless she negotiated for it before being tied.

I moved the chair so I was closer, and rolled onto my side so I could watch her. For her safety, of course. Not at all because of the way she wiggled, or the way the position exposed her breasts, or the way she kept trying to rub her thighs together trying to get off.

But I kept my hands to myself, and when Nutty popped up, I gave him some nuts and untied her. She went into the crypt to get dressed.

Talos and Kathy came back. Talos was explaining something or another to her, and he only stopped for a moment for them to wave to me.

“Very feminine, Abby,” said Kathy, when he got to the end of his monologue on the battle between good and evil. “Love the dress.”

I wondered what she’d think of the swimsuit.

“Thank you!”

“I promise you, I’ll never think of you as a man again.”

I didn’t know that was quite what I was going for, but at the same time, I kind of liked the fact that she saw what I was feeling right then. I was very conflicted. She probably meant well, and maybe all that was for the best. “Um, thanks, I think?”

“You’re welcome. Talos has been telling me all about Amaranth! Did you know there are dwarves and gnomes? And a big demon city, which sounds very scary. And there are multiple types of elves, and most of them are pink, but some are grayish. At least Talos thinks so, he hasn’t seen the grayish ones. He has just been so informative!”

Talos beamed. I think he felt a bit out of sorts, with no wrongs to right and a gate to guard that wasn’t being attacked. Now he was a useful source of information and could talk all he wanted without being in danger of being accused of mansplaining.

Valeria came back out in one of the dresses I’d gotten for her. “Thank you, Abby.”

“You’re welcome, Val.”

“For what?” Kathy asked.

“Not your business,” I said.

“Oh. Fine.” She looked at Valeria, as if to ask if she was going to spill, but the paladin shook her head, with a smile. More than a smile. A glow – not a literal one, but I could just see that she was very happy.

“I want to do a hardware store run,” I said. “Kathy, you ready to go back?”

“Oh, I don’t know that I’ll ever be,” Kathy said. “But maybe it’s best. I’m pretty bushed.”

“Then I won’t ask you to come with.”

“Oh, Abby, I know I said I’d pitch in, but I got up at midnight, and you got a full night’s sleep.”

I refrained from pointing out that was because she snuck out on me. “No worries.”

I could take Valeria. But I needed some time to think, and Valeria would have questions about Earth, just like Kathy had about Amaranth. “Okay.” I went inside, and stripped off the dress, and then the swimsuit. If Kathy wanted to watch, let her watch.

She watched. I put the robe on, but not the jeans, which were a pain. “You first,” I said. “You’re wearing panties, at least, and I’m not.”

“Fine.”

After Kathy went to sleep at her house, I found some plans on the internet. There was no sense in re-inventing the wheel, or the staircase. I made a note of what I needed and headed to the hardware store. I’d have the lumber delivered, but the hardware itself I picked up myself, as well as getting a new electrical panel. I called the power company to have them shut off power in the morning.

I also bought a bunch of nylon rope. Yeah, I’m sure shibari people would tell me that wasn’t the best, but I might have an urgent need. And after that, well, rope was for more than tying pretty paladins. Pretty Paladins, Gren would like that one.

I’d moved about from house to house, but hardware stores were a constant in my life, and the smell of sawdust helped ground me.

After going home, and reading up, I bought a bunch of raw hemp rope for cheap, but it would take a week or so before it was delivered.

Growing pot wasn’t illegal anymore, so the power company wouldn’t wonder too much that I was drawing extra power. The fifty-year-old panel I had, though, would never handle it. I got up early the next day, Sunday, but had to wait until eight for the power company to shut off power to the house, so I took a trip to Amaranth in my bathrobe to let everyone know what was happening, and not to open the mini-fridge and let all the cold air out.

“Industrious Abby,” said Gren.

I stared at her.

“What, not everything has to alliterate,” she said. “My dad hung up the girl on the shell in the great hall. Thank you!”

“You’re welcome.”

“Word is getting out that we have the best drinks in our village. Dad is very happy.”

I frowned. Word getting out could mean attention. Apparently not the kind Chief Gavabar was worried about, but still, a bunch of trolls asking other trolls about where the booze came from could make them very curious about me. It could be a business opportunity, and it could be a headache. “Interesting,” I said.

“Do you need help with anything today?” Valeria asked.

I shook my head. A staircase I could use unskilled labor on. Replacing an electrical panel, not so much. Maybe someone to hand me things. “Um, it wouldn’t be exciting,” I said.

“The book of L’shan says that only the foolish wish for excitement. Chapter Seven, verse three.”

“Well, sure, then. But I have to focus, and I can’t be asked lots of questions.”

Valeria smiled. “I once stayed silent for three days as part of my training.”

“I once stayed silent for two hours,” Gren said. “I was stalking prey.”

“Great. So I’ll be with Valeria. Talos, you take care of Kathy if she comes down, and otherwise chill. Gren, you want to help out Xyla?”

“Yes, dominant director,” Gren said.

It seemed to be a compliment, even if I was a little unsure. I went out and gave the zombies their orders, and then went back up to start my project.