The Accidental Necromancer
Beautiful Rain

“What was that noise, dangerous damsel?” Gren asked me when I came out.

“Steel bars on stone. I’m going to build a jail.” It was a dry night, and I put the pants and shirts near Talos, and the dresses near Valeria. “Clothes for the prisoners. Where’s Xyla?”

“Resting in a tree. We’re taking shifts.”

By in a tree I knew she meant in a tree.

I took a deep breath. I’d come to a decision, and I’d hoped it was the right one. “Gren, will you keep a secret. A big secret?”

“I wasn’t the one who told them you were a necromancer.”

“Not that,” I said.

“Oh, a big secret!” she said, pointing me to my crotch. “I won’t tell them. Don’t worry.” She winked.

“No. I’m serious.” I gestured her to walk with me away from the prisoners, but we both kept our eyes on them, and I could be on top of them in a single teleport. When I felt we were out of earshot, I said in a soft voice. “The sort of secret I would kill to keep. Have killed, in a way, because Baradzem and his mob threatened it.”

Gren grew serious. “I swear a solemn oath, Abby, that I will not share your secrets with a living soul, on pain of the death of seven stakes.”

I was curious as to what that death entailed, but something told me I might not want to know, and it was a distraction, anyway. “Which tree is Xyla in, we’ll need her to watch the prisoners.”

Gren pointed, and I walked over to a big maple. “Xyla?” I asked.

No response.

I knocked.

“Wha???”

“Time for your shift,” I said.

“Already?” the tree asked. “When do you take a shift?”

“When I don’t have things to do that only I can do. I need Gren’s help.”

“Bah. I was having such a good dream, too.” She emerged from the tree, and pointed to Valeria. “She was suspended between two trees, wrapped in vines, and I had them tied around her so they made her boobs do this.” Xyla put one arm above her breasts, and one arm below, and then pressed them together.

Valeria moaned in her sleep.

“That’s nice, dear,” I said to Xyla, and kissed her. “But don’t do that now. Just watch them, and if they wake up or seem cold there are blankets for them.”

“You really are the sweetest necromancer. But what can Gren do that I can’t do? And can she teach me how?”

“Not a sex thing,” I told her. “I need her for her brawn.”

“Well, phooey.” Xyla flexed her muscles, such as they were, and sighed. “She’s got me beat there.”

“I’m going to show her the, er, upstairs. Do you think that’s a good idea?”

Xyla looked at Gren, and then back at me. “A burden shared is a burden lightened. As your presence has taught me.”

“Good,” I said. “You set?”

“They will go nowhere. If they try, I shall wrap them in tightest vines in which they can barely breathe.”

Valeria moaned again. That girl had it bad, and as far as I could tell she was still asleep. I guess the words were mixing with her dreams.  I could only imagine what would happen if I magically enhanced her fetish for bondage.

And if I made it fixed on me.

No. I wasn’t evil, and I had plenty of women in my life, anyway. But there was something about the way Valeria squirmed that attracted me.

I put that aside, and motioned Gren to follow me as I walked back to the crypt.

“You’re going to let me inside?” Gren asked.

“Yes.”

“Is this where you keep all the bodies?”

I sighed. “There are no bodies,” I said.

“I always assumed you kept bodies in there.”

Even with Gren, necromancers had a bad rep. I unlocked the door, and let her inside.

She looked around, and ignored the laptop, the mini-fridge, and even the coffee maker. Instead, she went straight to the print of The Birth of Venus.

“This is amazing?” she said. “Elves would love this. They’re so artistic. Abby, did you do this? The paint lies so flat. I mean, I don’t know anything about art, but I know what I like, and I like this.”

“It’s a copy,” I said. “I didn’t paint the original, either.”

“Well, it’s an amazing copy. Original, copy, who cares if they look the same? And this one!” She hurried over to take a closer look at Flaming June. “I don’t know about you, but I’d do it with any of these chicks. I mean, they aren’t blue, but you can’t have everything.”

“Come over here, Gren,” I said. “I promise you can look around again sometime, but right now I have work for us to do.”

Gren nodded and walked over. “Okay, Abby,” she said.

“Some of this is going to be kind of shocking. We’re going up there.” I pointed at the ceiling.

She looked. “Oh.”

“I’m going to be different there. More, well, like a human man. It’s complicated, but this form is magical, and magic doesn’t work there.”

“Magic doesn’t work,” she repeated.

“Yes.” I started taking off my clothes. Gren had seen it all before. It was the Abel version that might be shocking.

Gren leered. “That form really is magical.”

“At some point I’ll give you a tour of my home. But right now, I just need to get all the steel bars I bought down, and I need your help for that.”

“Okay,” she said, and undid the rough leather pelt that served as her top.

“Why are you taking your clothes off?” I asked.

“Because you did?”

“I – no, you can keep yours on.

Gren nodded. “Okay. And I’ll keep your secrets.” She tied the asymmetrical garment back in place.

“It’ll make more sense when you see it.” I climbed the ladder.

“This would be more fun,” Gren said. “If you were wearing one of those short little skirts.”

“You’d see the same thing,” I said.

“Yes, but it would feel like I was getting away with something.”

I got to the top of the rope ladder and pulled myself over, glad that I didn’t change immediately anymore, even if I was concerned about what that might mean in the future. Gren’s head poked up through the gate and she looked around.

“It all looks really weird,” she said.

“It’s a completely different world,” I told her. “And if I take a step back – well, I’ll just show you. Don’t fall off the ladder.”

“I won’t. That would hurt.”

I stepped back, and felt my body shift. No matter how many times I did it, I never got completely used to it, and changing in front of an audience made me even more aware of it.

“Wow, your penis is even larger that way,” Gren said.

That was her takeaway. “Soft yes. Hard, no. Anyway, you can see why I take my clothes off. Abby’s clothes would rip.”

“And wouldn’t that be a shame. Well, hard is what matters.” She climbed on out and let me lead her to solid ground.

“There’s parts of the puzzle where you can fall through,” I told her. “So always hang on to the rope ladder.

“Right.” She hesitated, looking around. I imagined everything was strange to her, just as it had been to Xyla. “You promise to give me a real tour sometime?”

“I promise.”

“Then let’s get to work.”

There weren’t too many distractions. The bars were right at the top of the stairs. We just needed to bring them down to the basement, and then down the ladder. Gren was as strong as I was, so she was a big help.

When I reached the bottom after our second trip down, Gren grabbed my arm. “Abby.”

I wasn’t going to correct her on the name. “What?”

“I thought I saw something in that window.” She pointed at one of the old, dusty half-sized windows that were high on the basement wall, facing the backyard. They provided a little light, and I suppose they’d be an emergency escape if one was really desperate. At least, they qualified according to the building code.

“Really?”

“Eyes. Someone looking in.”

I’d mostly forgotten about the windows. They were so dirty you couldn’t see in them unless you were on top of them, and besides, who would be in my backyard?

Roxy barked, followed by Rover answering. Or the other way around. “Dogs,” I said, relieved. “They come to play every once in a while. They must have gotten curious.”

“What are dogs?” Gren asked.

I thought of how to explain. I knew there were squirrels, deer, and bears in Amaranth. “Do you have wolves?”

“Yes. Very dangerous. They hunt in packs.”

“So, dogs are like wolves, but they’ve been bred to – “ I stopped, looking for words. “Cute, smaller versions,” I said at last. “Not dangerous. They belong to my neighbor, Kathy.”

“Oh. Well, maybe it was a dog,” Gren said, doubtfully. “Sorry for slowing us down.”

We kept hauling the bars down, and then the bags of concrete. When we got everything down to the basement, we staged things so that Gren handed things down to me, while I stood on the ladder. That meant that I didn’t have to keep transforming back and forth, which was disorienting.

When we were done, I thought about offering Gren a beer from the fridge, and then I remembered what alcohol did to trolls. We were in for a long night. So I offered her a cola. I couldn’t tell if she liked it, and I’m not sure she knew either, but she definitely found it interesting. “It fizzes on the tongue! And it’s cold! This is very strange, Abby. I don’t know how such a thing is possible. But then, that goes for a lot of what you showed me this evening. You have two bodies! And you’re an amazing painter, even if it’s copies! And –”

“I’ll try to explain everything,” I told her. “It’ll just take a lot of explaining.”

“Well,” she said. “I’m not going anywhere.” She put her hand on my arm, and then, being Gren, gave my cock a squeeze.

I wondered if she meant “not going anywhere” the way some people did, as a kind of commitment. But I nodded absently, and moved her hand. I didn’t need that kind of distraction. I had something I was wrestling with, and maybe I should ask Gren and Xyla to weigh in. The easiest place to build jail cells, of course, was inside the crypt. If I used a corner, I’d already have two solid stone walls to work with.

The downside of that was that it meant bring two hostile paladins in where they would see me every time I used the gate. The other option was to build the cells on the outside, using just one crypt wall.

I checked the security cameras, and all was well, although it looked like it had started to rain. I put my shorts and halter back on, and went outside.

Xyla, of course, didn’t mind that a bit. She had her hands and arms outstretched, to catch as much of it as possible. Her hair was soaked, and rivers ran down her shoulders and over her breasts, forming little waterfalls as they fell from her nipples.

But Tomas and Valeria were a bit less happy, and I would have been, too. They were wide awake now. Sleeping tied up had to be pretty uncomfortable, and now their underwear was soaked through, their hair was wet, and the ground beneath them was turning into mud. At least Xyla had taken the clothes I’d brought them and put them on the southern side of the crypt, where they were fairly sheltered because the rain was coming in at an angle, but she hadn’t bothered to cover them with the blankets.

The zombies were standing out in it, too, one on each side of the door, but they didn’t care.

I made a snap decision. I didn’t know how long I’d have to keep them. As winter approached, would it start to sleet, and snow? I couldn’t leave them outside, and building a solid structure that would hold them would take a while.

“We need to bring them inside,” I said.

“Out of the beautiful rain?” Xyla asked.

“They’re getting all wet.”

“That’s what rain does!” Xyla replied cheerfully. “And it’s doing nice things to your top.”

I looked. The halter was baby blue, but it was losing its opacity, and clinging even more than usual.

“Yes. Let’s get them inside, and me inside,” I said. I could see why Xyla liked the way my top looked. I would, too, if it was someone else. Actually, given the way Xyla and Gren were looking at me, I didn’t mind the effect on me, either, except that it was a bit cold.

“My vines,” Xyla said.

Her vines couldn’t extend inside, and if she managed to make them, I wouldn’t be able to close the door. But I wasn’t going to let them just freeze. “I know.” I addressed the paladins. “If I bring you inside, will you promise not to try to escape?”

“Yes,” said Talos.

“No,” said Valeria. “It is a prisoner’s duty to try to escape.”

“Suit yourself,” I said. “Gren, bring Talos in, and stab him if he runs.”

“Yes, captain.”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to act like I was in charge.”

“You are in charge,” Gren said. “Chargeful chief. Hmm, that’s not great. Capable captain.”

“I think it’s cute that she pretends not to know she was in charge,” Xyla said.

I suppose I had this notion that leaders should be elected. Then again, maybe I had been and didn’t know it.