SEX WITH MY BEST FRIEND'S FIANCÉ
Chapter 56 - FIFTY SIX

Chapter 56: Chapter FIFTY SIX

- HAZEL -

I stare at the love poster on the wall of Jasmine’s corner. That could be me right now, with someone by my side, but I chose to stay here. 

I look up to face the wood supporting the bed above me. I never knew Jasmine as the lovey-dovey type but even she has a hidden poster on her wall. Maybe there’s someone she’s not telling us about. I’m sure if there is someone, she must have it nice. 

I don’t. I can’t believe I’m sulking after making my decision. When Killian said those words to me, my mind got trapped in the fantasy of what it would be like to follow him and be in his arms but the thought dried up to dust when it hit me that he was inviting me to his home. It was all about the sex. Not because he cares about me. Killian just wanted me to be his play toy, again. Then hurt me after and I don’t want that. 

I huff. I can’t stand being someone’s toy when I know that deep down, it’s more than that. My feelings towards him are more than just physical because knowing me, I won’t think about a man past a few days and he has been on my mind for months. 

Being with him right now would be better than sleeping on my roommate’s bed though. That I can testify to. 

Snap out of it, Hazel! Thoughts can’t change the present. I pinch my cheek. 

Well I guess that settles that. I can’t change my earlier decision so I better stop pondering on it. I sigh, sinking my head into my pillow. Well, Jasmine’s pillow. She let me stay on her bed tonight since I have this foot incident. 

That was nice. She also got me food after seeing my message. I sigh and sit up. Killian’s words are making me think. 

Still?! My mind judges. 

I’m sorry but I can’t just let it slide. Not when we’ve gone this far. Well, technically, we haven’t gone so far but I know what I mean. A hefty sigh escape my lips. 

His words are replaying in my head way than they’re supposed to. And he dared suggest I stay with him tonight. Of course I wouldn’t after hearing him. Even though it did things to my body. Oh Lord, I’m so confused! Everything about my scrambled thoughts are confusing. The first minute, I’m hell bent on staying away from him then the next I’m being a needy bitch rethinking the same thoughts and wishing I’m with him. I need to decide. I need to let my yes be yes and stick to it. 

If I don’t, Killian and I will never know what we will be if there was a chance. And it would kill me more than it will for him if I sight him with someone else. Someone that’s not Kate. 

I feel sick to my stomach already. 

I wanted this for so long yet I feel so satisfied and unsatisfied knowing that the answer lies in my hands. 

My hand makes its way to my mouth and I feast on my fingernail. This same hand that’s teeth food right now. Ugh! 

I turn to the side. I can’t sleep. It’s difficult to in this condition. Not when he’s in my head. A snort makes my brows furrow. I peak my head out of the bonk and stretch to look up to check up on her. 

Since when does Jasmine snore? I giggle. From the temporary shake of the bonk, I can tell she changed sleeping positions. Now I can’t hear a thing. It was kind of funny hearing her snore. If it lasted longer, I would’ve recorded it. It’s perfect blackmail material. I chuckle silently. I’ll enjoy the peace and quiet for now. I’m ready to bet that she’ll snore again. 

I sigh with content. The smile on my face drastically drifts away as my thoughts rush back to me.

Now my mind is back to reality, it almost doesn’t feel so good. I bite my lower lip. Maybe I should write in my journal or call some of my friends. Or maybe I should play a game. It’s so early in the morning and I don’t want to wake anyone. 

The only person who deserves to be woken up from sleep is Kate as payback for not showing up but I shouldn’t. Not when it’s her fiancé plaguing my thoughts. Although I skipped that part of this situation long time ago. I don’t care what they are to each other. I overcame that the moment I let him put his fingers in me in that bathroom and called him later that night. 

Killian and Kate. K, K. That’ll make a good couple acronym. Maybe ’K&K’ or ’K heart K’. I sit up. My brow suddenly furrows. Speaking of which, how are they? She hasn’t mentioned a thing about him for a while and that’s odd. 

I lay my head back down. I can’t tell if it’s the good kind of odd or the bad kind but I don’t want to worry about such information that’s none of my business. I would rather be idle about a lot of things. It’s easier to get out of trouble that way. It’s one of the reasons I chose to put the file I saw in her room to rest. 

I take my hand out of my mouth and point it in front of my face. I just gave myself the worst mouth nail filing ever. I’ll book an appointment for some mani-pedis the moment my cast comes off. I need to look my best for the dinner party. After all, everyone will be there and it will be a good time to mingle and make a few friends. 

Then there’s Kaiden. 

I scoff. I wish I can just lay on a bed and be a girl worrying about lipgloss and what shade my eyeliner will be today but I can’t because I chose to spread my legs after a messed up break up! 

Kaiden is another big problem in my situation. Kaiden has been nice to me since day one. He has always been there even though we met in a very weird way. It would be inhumane to crush his heart over someone who has both been an asshole and an asshole to me. 

Yes, I know, I said asshole twice. 

I rest my hand by my side. Kaiden left me alone today at night. That’s one thing to tag as an off mark. Killian will never leave me alone. He’d rather ensure I’m safe somewhere despite him being uncomfortable than leave me stranded. 

It’s one of the good things about him. Like when he showed up to pick me when I opened a tinder account. And when he visited me at the hospital with those gifts with showed his efforts. And today. A smile forms on my face. He also got me food. 

I guess there are a lot of non-asshole traits he possesses. I wonder how much more I’ll come to witness if I let him in. I wonder how much more of himself he’s willing to give to me. If I indeed make him feel the things he claims I do. I bite my lower lip. I can’t help myself from grinning. 

I can’t deny, with every logical reasoning aside, those words pierced deep into my soul.