Race With a Heart
Chapter 85: For the Love

Chapter 85: For the Love

Steve’s voice was a little ominous. A serious conversation ruled out hot enthusiasm and passion, and augured something disturbing. Martin had the impression that the worst moment was just around the corner. He wanted to run away, but had to be brave and stay for his own good and Steve’s own good.

"You know, after Hannah’s accident," Paxton began, "my world has turned gray and flat, two-dimensional. I didn’t even realize it. A bit like a black and white movie. Can you imagine that?"

Martin imagined a black and white movie and even put himself there, but he didn’t think such a thing was possible in real life.

"No, I can’t," he admitted.

"Good," smiled Steve. "Sometimes this world was so overwhelming that I had to break out of it at all costs. I was looking for every possible way. Alcohol, sex, fights ... You know that, right? "

"Yes I know."

"One day you appeared and ... my world began to change. For worse."

This confession hurt Martin. How could Paxton say such words to him? The boy felt a sense of resistance, rebellion, and anger grow in him.

"It happened," Paxton added quickly, as if seeing the changes taking place with Martin, "because I began to see that what I was doing was a deception against the world and myself. I started to see what nonsense I was in, what absurdity I was in, and believe me, it wasn’t a pleasant experience. Because of you, I started to open my eyes to who I am and what my world looks like and I was terrified by what I saw ... "

"Why?" Martin was sincerely surprised. "After all, you are a good man, liked and respected by everyone."

"Not by everyone" Steve shook his head. "And I was most disliked by myself."

At that moment, Martin’s heart ached, not with pity for himself, but with Paxton, who at some point in his life not only couldn’t love himself, but didn’t even like himself.

"And now?" the mechanic asked hopefully. He sincerely hoped that it was different now, that Steve was now able to sympathize with himself. Because if you don’t love yourself, can you love others? "Do you still dislike yourself?"

"Now ... Now it’s different," Steve admitted. "There are days when I hate myself, but there are also days when I accept myself. Everything is up to you. "

"Up to me?" the boy was surprised.

"Yes. Just from you. "

"I don’t understand ..." Martin said quietly.

"Me too," Paxton laughed helplessly. "I only know that your feelings are not indifferent to me. You are not indifferent to me. When I look at myself from a month ago, I’m ashamed you saw me so broken. I am ashamed of my one night adventures and the alcohol that I thoughtlessly poured into myself. For you, with you, I’d like to be clean, but that’s not what I am. "

Martin really didn’t understand what Steve was saying. What does it mean ’clean’? After all, everyone has their flaws, some reasons to be ashamed. There are no perfect people in the world. Everyone makes mistakes. So what does Steve mean?

"I don’t understand," announced the boy, really lost. "Are you actually breaking up with me or not?"

"And you want to break up with me?"

"I? Why? It was you who came out so suddenly without showing any signs of life ... "

"Forgive me. I had a good reason. "

"What reason? What’s happening? I really don’t understand anything! "

Martin was very frustrated. Almost to the verge of tears. Steve suddenly grabbed his shoulders and looked him straight in the eye. His black pupils began to engulf Martin and soothe his nervousness. The boy began to breathe more calmly.

These weren’t eyes that wanted to hurt him or abandon him. They were the caring eyes of someone with heavy worry and an equally heavy responsibility on their shoulders.

"I appreciate it if you want to protect me," he told Paxton, "but if you have such feelings towards me, if you think something is threatening me, just tell me. Don’t worry me so much because I imagine the worst possible scenarios ... "

"Alright, I’ll tell you," Steve agreed, releasing his arms. "I care a lot about you. Maybe even too much for me to handle. When I think you can get in trouble because of me, I go crazy. So when I think that the media could invade your life and write about you as my lover, God only knows how they will present our relationships and our story ... They won’t do anything good out of it, they will make a sensation, because only sensation can earn them money and your image will be destroyed ... "

"It doesn’t bother me," said Martin firmly.

"What?" Paxton wondered as if he hadn’t heard. "Can you repeat?"

"I thought about it. At first I was afraid of it, but I am no longer afraid. I don’t mind that they will write about me. I don’t want them to write badly about you. "

"I don’t care what they write about me," Steve announced. "But you don’t deserve to entertain the masses."

"But it’s not a high price for me to be able to be with the man I love."

"You really don’t mind this?" Steve was surprised.

"Really. I’ve already thought about it. Yes, of course I’m a bit scared, but I accept the possibility. I will not run away from it. Anyway, this rumor will keep people interested for a week, then they will find another hot topic for themselves. "

"Yes, but your family, your friends ..."

"After all, I will not hide until the end of the world. When we start going straight, I’ll tell those who need to know. I don’t care about the rest. "

"Are you sure?"

"Yes" Martin’s voice was emphatic.

"Then I needlessly ..." Paxton worried softly.

"What you needlessly ...?"

"No, nothing. It’s nothing. Needlessly, I was so worried that maybe some rumor would get through to the media," he replied with a smile.

"Is that why you left then?" guessed Martin.

"Yes. But that case has already been permanently ended. I made sure of it. "

"And ... you still want to be with me?" Martin made sure.

"If you still want to give me a chance, then yes," Paxton assured, staring at the mechanic’s face.

The boy looked left, then right, made sure no one was looking at them, and pulled Steve by the hand... right into the bushes that grew along the riverside road. Still nervously looking to see if anyone was in sight, he pushed Paxton against the tree trunk and, climbing on his toes, kissed him violently.

Their lips pressed together quite unexpectedly for Steve, but the driver was not one of those people who could be surprised by this situation for long. He stuck his tongue out and parted Martin’s lips and teeth, penetrating him as deep as if he wanted to tear the tonsils out of his mouth.

Martin felt insane. Those few days spent in uncertainty, fearing that Steve would leave him, that, finding that he was not ready for a relationship, would abandon him mercilessly, they were like purgatory to him. His grandmother once said that purgatory is a place that almost looks like hell. The only real difference was the hope that someday you would leave this place and ascend to heaven.

Now the boy felt as if he had actually reached heaven.

Steve didn’t want to leave him at all! He didn’t want to abandon him! By distancing himself from him, he wanted to protect him from some evil man who threatened to destroy their happiness before they actually had a chance to experience it.

So Paxton really cared about Martin, about his safety and happiness. Despite the fact that Steve suffered almost as much as Martin suffered because of Steve, the two men were drawn to each other like opposite poles of magnets.

If Paxton’s world was black and white so far, Martin will show him all the colors of the rainbow and more. If the driver has so far relieved his stress by drinking alcohol and having sex with random people, Martin will make him drunk with his love and his body. If Steve saw himself in a bad light, Martin would shine the best possible light at him so that he would stop seeing the mascara in himself and begin to see the beautiful man he really is.

For love was not to receive, but to give. So Martin will do his best, absolutely everything he has, for that wonderful love that Steve Paxton was in his heart!

The kiss lit Martin’s mouth, mind and body. Steve took him in his arms and caressed his back. The boy felt deeply happy to be so close to the man he loves.

"We shouldn’t be doing this here," Paxton remarked softly as he finished the kiss. "Someone can see us here ..."

"Let him watch!" Martin announced carelessly. "We are in a public place, but not in the open. If our behavior offends someone, it’s only the person who will play voyeur. And yet I said that I am not afraid of disclosure or scandal. "

"Yes." Paxton’s lips bit his lips. "You said so."

They pressed their lips together again and pressed their tongues together again. Martin closed his eyes and saw dancing golden sparkles under his eyelids. Do fireworks that are said to be seen by those in love look like this? Probably, because he felt the joy of watching fireworks on New Year’s Eve.

Could he have dreamed of something more beautiful?