Race With a Heart
Chapter 84: Uncertainty

Chapter 84: Uncertainty

Martin felt really bad about this whole situation with Steve because he didn’t even have anyone to ask about it. Jack claimed to know nothing, and Martin did not dare report to Karl. The boy was so worried that he even considered showing up at Fergus’ Stables and confronting Paxton. However, he did not want to do this because it would disrupt the preparations for the next race. Besides, he wasn’t ready to announce to the world that he had something more intimate with Paxton, although he admitted the possibility that it might happen at any moment, and such suspicions might have arisen if he suddenly appeared in the stable.

So the young mechanic was alone with his fears and nights instead of sleeping, he imagined the blackest and most incredible scenarios. These few days were a real torment for him.

He just didn’t know what he was standing on.

In those hard days, when he was going through his own text messages, he noticed that he forgot to read Heather’s message. Although he didn’t feel like talking to her, he read the text: ’I need to talk to you urgently. Call me as soon as you read this message.’

It sounded so serious that he called but found the number to be out of service. Martin became concerned, but quickly realized that it couldn’t be anything really urgent or important. If Heather really wanted to talk to him, she would have called until she will succeed. She did that when they were a couple. Back then, all her ’urgent matters’ turned out to be a trifle like ’you haven’t told me yet that you love me’. Now it was someone else to tell her how he loved her. Martin had more important things on his mind than Heather and her whims.

The days passed, and Martin knew nothing. Therefore his heart was drowning in the darkness of doubt and uncertainty. When Sid asked if there was anything he could do to help him, there was nothing Martin could do but spread his hands helplessly. He couldn’t say that his lover suddenly began to act as if he didn’t know him at all.

Sid seemed to understand he was helpless because he smiled reassuringly and walked away. But not even a minute had passed when he exclaimed in a strange voice:

"Martin, someone for you!"

"For me?" he asked, wiping his hands, and walked out from behind the car to see the entrance. "Who...?"

"Hi Martin. I wanted to call but I don’t have your phone number ... "

Steve’s arrival was so much of a surprise to Martin that if he had a heavy wrench now in his hand, he would probably have dropped it on his leg. Fortunately, he only held a light cloth with which he was wiping his hands, and although it nearly fell from his hands when he loosened the grip, it caught on his finger and did not fall to the ground.

That was definitely Steve Paxton, not a delusion. But the Martin’s watchful eye full of love, however, noticed that the driver was pale and looked almost as tired of insomnia and worry as Martin himself. At the sight of this, the mechanic’s heart began to beat faster with anxiety. Could his forebodings actually relate to reality?

Martin was afraid that Steve would change his mind about taking their relationship to another level, but he was willing to accept it so that Steve would be happy. If Paxton thinks Martin won’t bring him happiness, so be it, but let someone else give it to him and don’t let him close his heart again ...

"Sorry I came at the wrong time," Steve said without taking his dark eyes off Martin, "but we’re leaving for the grand prix tonight and I wanted to talk to you."

Martin was afraid of this conversation. He was very afraid of her. He knew he was going to hear something painful. But he also knew that he could not avoid her. He took a deep breath and announced.

"Fine. And so I’m finished for today. I’ll just tell my boss that I’m going out for a moment ... "

"Can you make two moments of it?" Paxton asked.

His tone was so ordinary that you could not read anything in it. Martin had no idea if the conversation ahead of him would be this hard, or if Steve wanted to do more with him than just talk. At the ridiculous thought, the boy blushed.

"You can go home now," announced Teddy, who suddenly emerged from the office. Paxton inclined his head politely. "Sid and I will see to the workshop."

"Are you sure?" the young mechanic made sure.

"Get off!"

"Okay," Martin agreed, then turned to Paxton, "Wait a minute, I’ll change."

The arrival of Steve made Martin more nervous than pleased. This usually happens when someone is expecting bad news. Martin had no doubt that this was what he would hear. He was prepared for the worst.

When he changed and returned, he found Paxton involved in a conversation with Teddy and Sid. The teenager smiled happily hiding the phone in his pocket. The old man was smiling kindly and proudly, and Steve ... He was smiling very hesitantly, very shy, as if he didn’t quite know how to behave in the company of these people. Noticing Martin, he smiled even more shyly.

"I’m ready now," the mechanic announced, not quite sure what to say. "Let’s go!"

They said goodbye to Sid and Teddy and got into Paxton’s sports car. A car whose upholstery still smelled of leather and a hint of tobacco.

"The weather is so nice today," Steve remarked. " Shall we go to the river?"

"Okay," Martin agreed, putting his seat belt on. He didn’t really care where they were going. The place didn’t matter. What mattered was what Paxton wanted to talk to him about.

Martin’s hands tightened around the seat belt as they started to drive. He wasn’t afraid to go with Steve in the car, but the thought of their conversation was very stressful for him, so he instinctively clung to the only thing that gave him some protection. He needed it all the more because the proximity of Paxton and the smell of cigarette smoke, gasoline, expensive cologne and a leather jacket from him stimulated Martin’s senses. This closeness was just plain dangerous.

"I thought you were quitting cigarettes," Martin said shyly as the silence in the car was starting to drive him crazy.

"I quit too many things at once," Steve explained. "It turned out a bit too much and I couldn’t cope. I don’t have that strong will. "

These words were like an omen for Martin. ’I quit too many things at once’ was also referring to him? ’I don’t have that strong will ’ meant it was too early for him to start a relationship despite having previously made a decision?

"Aha. I understand," Martin said softly, and that was the end of the conversation. It was as if neither of them had more to say, though Steve himself had asked him for conversation. Maybe what the driver had to say was too important to bring up the subject while driving?

However, they soon reached their destination and Steve parked the car in a wild parking lot. They found themselves on the very edge of the city, where the built-up area actually ended and became more natural. On the one site, they could see the city’s buildings, on the other, there was a beautiful view of the river, and then there were only vast areas with individual buildings and forests here and there.

The place was beautiful and it certainly attracted a lot of people during the summer and weekends. It was visible on the numerous well-trodden paths. Now, because of the time of year, week and day, only a few people were visible around. Someone was walking the dog, someone else was riding a bicycle, the mother was pushing a baby stroller to which a pink balloon was attached, an elderly couple was walking supporting each other’s arm ...

"I brought you here because it’s my favorite place," said Steve. "I really wanted to visit this place with you at least once. Shall we go for a walk? "

"Okay," Martin agreed.

The day was beautiful, sunny and warm, though not as hot as before the cooling wave. It was as if the cooling and the rain had cooled down not only the sky but also the earth, because the forest smelled of cold, wet earth. There was not a single cloud in the sky, but the sun was setting earlier and earlier and it was shining lower and lower at noon, an inevitable sign of slowly approaching autumn.

Martin, however, ignored the beauty surrounding him. Though he was in such a charming place next to the man he loved, the notion that Steve had decided to break up with him was too strong in Martin’s heart and mind for him to think of anything else. He was sad, he felt bad, but he will not ask and beg. If Steve says it’s over, it will be over and Martin won’t chase him anymore. After all, you cannot force anyone to love.

"Martin, I think we need to talk seriously about us ..."