Race With a Heart
Chapter 204: Dave Tries to Change His Mindset

Chapter 204: Dave Tries to Change His Mindset

But Dave’s kiss was totally out of reach for Sid. Sid will have to get the first kiss of his life from someone else, or never know the experience.

Probably the latter would happen, since Sid had no intention of giving his mouth to anyone else but Dave, and Dave...

Love, without any chance of reciprocity, was like a huge stone lying in the heart. It was not only heavy, but it also blocked the sunlight, enveloping the heart in the eternal darkness of hopelessness. But that’s okay, Sid will be able to live with this boulder, if only Dave would be happy. Sid will never ask Dave for that kiss.

But the first beer in his life was something completely different. They could have had their first beer together and it would not violate Dave’s intimate zone, and it would make Sid aware that he and Dave had at least that kind of ’first time’ experience.

"But are you sure you are well?" his older colleague was asking. "Now you are pale."

"Yes, yes," Sid assured hastily. "I’m okay. Maybe... I had too many impressions for one day. You know, Martin is the first time in a race."

Dave smiled. How proud little brother. Then he grew serious.

"You know about Martin and Steve ... I’ve thought a lot about them. I thought a lot in general" he said, not looking at his younger friend but at the table. "I don’t think I should think so badly of all gays. Martin is a really cool boy, Steve ... he’s not bad either, but ... I don’t know."

Sid’s heart beat faster. Dave starts trying to accept gays? I mean, not in an erotic sense, but accept them as people who aren’t so scary, so evil?

"I don’t think Steve is bad either," Sid announced, struggling to hold back his galloping heart. "I think most of them are really decent people... although I don’t know them. But ... did you see yesterday’s news?"

Dave nodded.

"Fourteen girls, my God, such people walk on the ground at all... These girls..." Dave clenched his fists. His face also showed stubbornness and determination. "Why can’t people do something about it, stop these animals? Where is the law? It was hard for me, but they..."

Yesterday’s news reported that a pedophile suspected of rape and other sexual acts on fourteen girls aged 8-12 had been arrested. The case was extremely outrageous.

"I’ve always known," admitted Dave, "that there are a lot of degenerates among heterosexual people, but my parents are normal people, so I believed that men who hurt little girls were such a small fraction of the population that it wasn’t worth thinking about. My parents, my neighbors, my teachers, even all the people in this restaurant are normal people who lead normal lives and are straight. The only homo I knew turned out to be a monster, so I assumed everyone was like that. But now I know Martin, and I kind of know Steve too, and they aren’t monsters. They are normal, only that, you know... "

"Yes, yes," Sid assured blushing.

"So that’s what I thought I was just prejudiced against gays."

"You have reasons ..."

"Yes, I have, but ... Can I tell you a secret?"

Sid’s heart beat harder again. Dave was so surprising today!

"You can," he said. "I will not reveal it to anyone."

"It’s not really a big deal," Dave embarrassed. "Don’t make such a serious face. I just don’t want to embarrass myself in front of anyone, that’s why I don’t tell anyone about it, but I applied for a program of a certain foundation supporting young talented or smart people. My homeroom teacher said that for years this foundation has been supporting children from poor homes who have the potential and determination to do something for society. She herself used their help and supposedly thanks to them she became a teacher. I don’t know if they’ll admit me to this program, but if they do, I want to be a prosecutor."

"Wow!" Sid was so surprised and so enchanted by this news that he managed to get just that one cry out.

"I don’t know if they’ll accept me," repeated Dave, clearly not wanting to arouse hope in his colleague, "but the teacher says I have a good chance and she wrote me a very flattering opinion. When I decided to file this application, I figured the prosecutor could not be forewarned. And then I started to think about my prejudices. Something unpleasant happened to me once, but I cannot let my life stop on that day."

"Jack Lambert is cool, but you are even cooler!" Sid announced without thinking, full of admiration and enthusiasm. He’d always known Dave to be special, but now he had real proof of that!

"No, what are you?" Dave blushed, and Sid felt he loved him even more.

"Really," added Sid. "You had to give up your dreams because you have to help your family, but you haven’t forgotten them, and when the opportunity came to pursue them without harm to your family, you dared to reach for it. I couldn’t do that. You’re really cool!"

"There may really be nothing out of this. Certainly, many people apply to this support program. Lots of people more gifted than me, with better grades."

"But you are trying! You are not discouraged! And when you decided that an event in your past might be an obstacle to achieving your dreams, you decided to face it, although it is not easy for you! Wow, Dave!"

Sid was sincerely appreciative, but he also had a new feeling in his heart - the sprouting hope that if Dave approached homosexuality with a different, more open approach, he might accept the fact that Sid loved him. Of course, there’s no way they’d be together, not this way, but ...

Hope is something that sometimes it grows on the bare rock. Even at night, it will feed itself on the tiniest point of light as if it were the most beautiful sun of the day. The imagination then begins to create completely abstract scenarios just to nourish that hope. So there was hope in Sid’s head that maybe someday he and Dave...

Of course, this is just a dream, a hope that has no right to come true, but what to do when your heart has already run forward? How can he stop it?

"So ... do you think you’ll be able to accept gays in your surroundings?" Sid asked shyly.

"I accept Martin. As for the others... I will try to give them a blank slate. I don’t think I can be friends with them, but at least I’ll try not to be prejudiced against them. If I have to deal with them, I will try to get to know them first, then form an opinion about them."

"And if it turned out" Sid’s voice became even more shy "that like Martin, you know someone, you even like someone and he turns out to be gay, what would you do? Would you throw him off?"

"Who?" Dave asked. "Someone like a classmate or a buddy next door?"

"Yes, someone like that ..."

"Well, I don’t know," Dave admitted hesitantly. "I would try to understand this person. I think so."

Suddenly, a startling thought struck Sid. The idea was bold, but if this experiment is successful, maybe a light will shine at the end of the tunnel for them.

"What if I said that I fell in love with a man? Would you resist me? Would you feel disgusted?" Sid asked bravely.

Dave looked confused.

"You’re asking so purely hypothetically, aren’t you?" he asked, his voice trembling slightly.

"I won’t say that," Sid blushed to the tips of his ears. "First, I want to know what your reaction is."

"Is that such a test?" Dave laughed nervously. "How stupid is this test."

Sid sighed. His hopes were immediately shattered. Dave says he’ll try to be open, but actually his wound is still too deep. Maybe Sid just got too carried away with his hope and acted too soon? Dave wasn’t ready to face his younger friend’s confession yet, and maybe he never will.

"Yes," admitted Sid. "It’s a stupid test. I was just curious."

"Okay, that’s okay."

The atmosphere, however, grew a little heavy and they both lost the desire to talk.

By asking this question, was Sid already taking a false step that could cost him his friendship with Dave? May it not be so!

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