Miho the Killer
Chapter 42: The Storm Inside Me

Chapter 42: The Storm Inside Me

Thursday during lunchtime I went to a phone shop near the office and got a new phone. I texted Kwon to inform them that I had my phone stolen so this was my new number, to which he showed some pretense of sympathy.

Friday was another quiet day at work and passed by uneventfully. Kwon sent me a few friendly messages, to which I replied. It’s not that I came to like him in any way or whatsoever, but the more we communicated the more unease I started to feel. Talking to him during the day like this as part of a daily routine normalized our relationship, no matter how brief or shallow. It was no longer a singular event where I met him for dinner for the first time. I was actively interacting with him and connections were being built, no matter how superficial and short-lasting.

I also started to think a lot more about that ring on his finger. He was obviously married, which perhaps made it doubly justifiable to have this cheating scum killed. However, it also meant I was about to make a widow and take the father away from some poor child or children. Kwon’s end will be the beginning of pain for others around him for the rest of their lives. A husband, father, brother, son, and friend who just disappeared into thin air never to return.

How would I have felt if anything like that ever happened to me?

I felt like calling my parents back in Daejeon whom I hadn’t talked to in a while but then thought better of it. I couldn’t afford to get soft-hearted now. The only way was forward, an unstoppable march toward death that would taint me forever in a way that is even worse than me having taken care of Miho after her crimes, which ultimately helped her carry on to kill more people including Minji.

Why didn’t I report her to the police while she was staying with me?

We had some good times. Nothing spectacular. Eating ice cream, and random violence at the dessert cafe in Myeongdong while waiting in a queue. Late night dinners at home, doing laundry of her clothes, and ironing her shirts. The black trunk she warned me to never touch, the one that was full of gears of death that I just let sit in my living room - the evidence of countless lives that she must have taken. I knew enough and had enough to get Miho apprehended and brought to justice.

Yet I chose not to. Even after our fallout, I took no action. The only time I came back to my senses to go report her was when I was making no sense at the McDonald’s. I told Dr. Yang what Miho had done when she barged in at my first session. I told her that Miho burnt my friend alive. Dr. Yang didn’t take it seriously, as nobody in their right mind would have. I guess that’s why she was the doctor and people like Miho and I were so-called patients. She could think straight while we couldn’t.

Saturday came and I woke up early. Way too early. Earlier than I normally do on the weekends. I already missed Miho. I loved seeing her in the morning. Usually, I only saw her sleeping just before I left for work with Shin, but sometimes she’d open her eyes, see me standing by her bed and looking at her, then beam a smile to say good morning only to doze off again.

I told myself never to forget what Miho did or who she was, but in moments like those it was impossible not to see her as a pure soul with a heart of gold.

Like the golden ring on Kwon’s finger that might have represented the only purity in his life.

But who knows? Judging by how he seemed to have a habit of ’sponsoring’ younger girls and keeping them around as his play things hinted that maybe even his marriage was just for a show - a trophy wife.

Does he have children? Would he have genuine love for his children if he did?

Then I thought about him lying. Lying to his child, lying to his wife. How would he justify going out alone on Saturday evening? ’Sorry, Dad has some extra work to do’. Painting himself as a hard-working provider for the family when in fact he was trying to get into some other girls’ pants, while his wife comforted their child ’Father is not here because he’s working hard for us.’

A liar. A deceiver. An abuser.

I kept telling myself that. I kept on trying to draw the line between Kwon and Miho. My villainess might have committed more severe acts of violence, but I don’t think she was a liar or a deceiver or an abuser. She dedicated her life to Juho. On the night that I ’ran away’ from her, she told Shin to bring me a cheesecake if anything ever happened to her - all this despite the fact that she later revealed she felt ’abandoned’ by me when we were in Dr. Yang’s office.

Miho was an enigma. A girl who barged into my life and captivated my heart. She treated it gently while stabbing a knife into others’ hearts. The same hand that held and brought a coffee mug to my table in the morning poured a bottle of petrol on Minji. The same lips that touched my ear so softly turned a Bible verse into a curse. The same eyes that were filled with madness were now full of innocence.

My mind was all over the place and my heart couldn’t keep things together. There was no calm before the storm to come tonight. There was already a typhoon of emotions and unanswerable questions swirling in my body that struggled to hold them all in. I felt like I could explode any minute and collapse.

I closed my eyes and gave light slaps on my cheeks with both hands.

Hold it together.

Just hold it together.

All this will be over by the next Sunday.

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