Miho the Killer
Chapter 29: Guilty Happiness

Chapter 29: Guilty Happiness

"Please tell me something about your sister."

I asked Miho, trying to probe and learn something about her past, which hopefully would give some clue about her current state too. It was an odd feeling trying to act like Dr. Yang when I had zero clue about psychology or how to help people in the condition that Miho was in.

"She was beautiful. Kind. Very nice. Always spoilt me and... it was all very sad." Miho’s face darkened, showing a kind of sadness unbefitting a predator, but I had to remind myself she was no longer - or at least not for now - who she was.

"You said ’was’. Where is she now?"

The saddened girl said nothing, but I could see that her eyes were getting teary.

"You can tell me when you are ready.", I tried to comfort her.

"Screw you! Why do you make me say it again and again!" Miho erupted.

"I’m sorry. I do apologize. We can move on to something else after you’ve calmed down."

"Forget it, Dr. Yang. I just want my medication. You can just leave after giving them to me."

I was losing her. Not only that, I suddenly needed to figure out what Miho had actually been taking. I realized that in addition to her condition after the head injury, she’s also going through withdrawal symptoms from the routine medication that she’s been taking for God knows how long.

I had to find out what they were.

"Ms. Gu. Do you remember what your medications were?"

It was kind of stupid of me to ask, but there really wasn’t another way.

"Shouldn’t YOU know what they are?"

"I’m here without access to my records. I’m sorry to say, but I have hundreds of patients and can’t remember all their prescriptions."

"Sigh... useless. You are truly useless."

Today’s Miho wasn’t very cheerful, to say the least. Or perhaps it was my fault that our conversation had become sour. I felt that I steered it the wrong way.

"Quetiapine and benzodiazepine. There are some others that I can’t remember well, wait - there was something, yeah, aripiprazole."

Miho surprisingly gave in and told me the names. It was becoming more and more obvious that I was completely out of my depth. She didn’t remember Juho, her one and only brother that she seemed to have prioritized over her own life and committed herself to the life of a killer for, yet she remembered these complex names of the medicine.

What is going on?

"I see, thank you."

I wrote the names down in a little notebook with a pencil. My phone was kept by Shin during my visit. I better check these names later and see what they are used for. That would give some clues on Miho’s condition and also explain why she had been seeing a psychiatrist.

"Dr. Yang."

As I was taking notes, Miho called out to me. I would have loved to hear her call my name again, but for now, this was for the best.

"Yes?"

"I would like to go out. I’ve been stuck in this place for too long."

"I... would advise against that. You still need to recover. It was a serious head injury."

"Then why am I being kept at home? Shouldn’t I be at a hospital?"

"Your... injury isn’t something that requires operation at this stage. What you need is plenty of rest and recovery."

"That sucks. I feel so stuffy here. I want to go out and get some fresh air."

As she said this, she looked out of the window, longingly looking out at the comforting scenery of nature.

Getting some fresh air couldn’t hurt, I guess?

"Can you try to stand?"

Miho’s face brightened up like a child who was told he can go out to play after being grounded for a week.

"Of course I can!"

With that, she literally jumped out of the bed and landed on her two feet perfectly, her hands on her hips, chest puffed out and head held up high.

Then she stumbled a little.

"That-, that was just a bad landing..."

"Well, getting up so suddenly can make your head hazy. I don’t think such sudden movements are a good idea."

"But I can still go out, right? If I am good... take it easy and walk slow..."

I couldn’t possibly refuse those begging eyes of a kitten - a kitten who used to be a tigress.

"Fine. We will go out for a short walk. Take it slow though, OK?"

I thought I might get in trouble with Shin for bringing her out, but I could probably excuse it as a way to aid her eventual recovery.

"Can I... hold your hand?"

Just as I turned and was heading to the door, Miho spoke somewhat shyly from behind and my heart skipped a beat. Even when we were living together, we never went out holding hands or anything like that - why would we? The only times when we ’held hands’ were when she was helping me to get up and things like that, and those moments already made my heart flutter like mad back then. But to actually take a walk holding hands...?

"Sure."

I was too weak to resist.

"Hehe. Thank you!"

Miho skipped a few steps to come stand by my side and without hesitation grabbed my hand. I knew I shouldn’t have felt that way, but I couldn’t help but be enthralled by this sudden physical contact and closeness. I almost forgot that I was Dr. Yang for a moment, and this was just me - Sohee - and Miho like the ’good old days’, but just better.

Turning my head to glance at Miho though, I felt a pang of guilt that I was enjoying the innocence of this ’young’ Miho. She relied on me emotionally as a doctor, an older and wiser figure. She placed her trust in me as someone she could confide in and seek help from.

My mind was all over the place while my heart was keep pulling me to different directions. I let out a sigh and spoke.

"Let’s go."

"Thank you, Doctor."