Dungeon? This Tree? Why Don't You Join Me for Lunch? (Dungeon Core)
Chapter 46: Goblins!

Chapter 46: Chapter 46: Goblins!

The trick to boiling a frog is to put it in cold water at low heat and wait for the water to go to boiling temperatures slowly.

That is, if the frog is alive, and you are a sadist.

When I woke up, tied up, with onions and carrots swimming around me, I knew that they had been boiling me for quite a while.

Because the water was already good enough for a bath after a day hunched over a cook fire.

So, I knew that I had to act very fast.

"For shame!" I yelled at the top of my lungs, as the goblins were cooking me alive. My voice came out squeaky, so it didn’t have the desired effect.

Still, I cleared my throat and continued:

"Is this what you call cooking?" This time I managed to sound like someone who wanted to see the manager at a small family shop.

I felt proud of myself.

"Meat! Be quiet!" Ah, goblins. Was there a more elegant race?

"Don’t you know that fear spoils the meat?" I yelled back.

Which was even true! That is why the rich ate meat from animals which were so drugged up before they were butchered, that they were already in heaven when their heads rolled.

The goblins began to laugh.

Fair enough. I doubted that they cared if they ate stuff not fit for pigs or a five-star meal.

"I can make you a better meal! I am Sylvan the Nymph! The best chef in the world!"

Now... I can really cook. The soldiers asked for seconds.

That didn’t make me the best. Heck, Solas cooked tastier than me.

But those were goblins.

I could bet my eyeballs that they had never tasted anything edible before, much less something tasty.

I knew I could win them over!

I eyed a huge goblin who was chewing through a giant bone. Man, if the giants found out that their dead were eaten by goblins, they were going to wreck the world!

"I can make you something with cheese!"

Because, if the goblins had gotten to the buried giants, then they knew where the cheese was as well!

"The cheese is moldy," the giant goblin said, but then he showed me his teeth. "But if you can make something out of it, then I will marry you!"

I narrowed my eyes. What was with people and wanting to marry me?

"Sure!" But, hey, he wasn’t going to live long enough to say the vows, so...

Soon, I was out of the boiling pot. Which was slowly starting to smell like a tasty soup. That was something which prompted a goblin to steal my boots and throw them back in the giant pot.

I did not dare protest.

No matter how expensive the leather was. Solas was going to be angry. He gave them to me after I made him a lava cake that one time...

Soon, I had a bowl of cheese so moldy, that there was no removing the mold. There was also moldy bread. And, much to my amazement, lard.

I could bet that the lard had come from something buried in here. Or, heck, even from a goblin.

But... there was only one thing to do in such situations:

Grilled Cheese Sandwich!

I placed the rock-hard lard inside a pan, letting it melt. Grateful that I wasn’t going to be eating that sandwich. Soon it looked like oil.

I placed one slice of bread inside, letting it soak up the lard. Then I did the same with the other slice.

It was not like I had time to waste buttering the slices!

The giant goblin had already stolen my socks to add to his soup!

So much for eternal love...

After that, I placed as much of the grated cheese as I could between the bread, said a prayer to the divines, and began to grill the sandwich.

"Edda, I need help! I know you don’t like me, and I don’t like you either, be assured," as begging for one’s life went, this was not the best way. I knew that Edda probably knew it too.

"But please — give me a cooking skill! Something that can turn this," I looked at the stinky sandwich which the goblins were eyeing with hunger. "Into something that can be eaten by humans."

"Hm," but Edda really didn’t like me. I knew that she would demand a huge price from me. "Only if you use the biological matter of these goblins to create more Boliari."

I was confused. Why was she suddenly not using system screens? And what did she have against Lich?

"A Boliarin can create a Lich with his own mana. A Lich can’t create a Boliarin," Edda explained. "I can give you the: Back to Life cooking skill. Which can make food prepared with rotten ingredients into something that can pass for food prepared with fresh ingredients."

I nodded, sold my soul to the system, clicked the yes, and then pulled the Grilled Cheese Sandwich out of the pan.

It smelled ok. The sandwich looked golden enough. I could bet it was crunchy on the outside and nice and gooey on the inside.

I placed the sandwich on a wooden plate which had teeth marks on its edges and handed the plate to the goblin.

"If you want seconds, just say the word!" I said, as I waited for his verdict.

He bit into the sandwich like it was a bone. Chewed a bit.

His eyes went wide. He began to chew faster!

The goblin pointed at the pan. I knew what he wanted from me.

"I need more bread," I told him because my cooking skill was just level one, and I could bet that I couldn’t magic bread out of thin air.

"Go! Bread!" The chief yelled, and a group of goblins ran out of the cavern.

The giant goblin looked at the giant pot with the soup, then at my pants.

I sighed, handing them over. Soon they were swimming in with my shoes and socks.

Better my clothes than me...