Devilish secretary
Chapter 386 His pain (2)

Chapter 386: Chapter 386 His pain (2)

Ray froze at first. Then slowly, painfully, he clung back. His hands gripped the back of her shirt like he was afraid she’d disappear.

And Lilith... she didn’t sob.

She didn’t scream.

But her tears came anyway.

One slipped from her left eye, warm and silent.

Then another rolled from the right, falling gently against his shoulder.

She didn’t make a sound—but it hurt more than if she had cried out.

Ray’s voice was muffled, shaking in her hair. "Why does it have to be like this...?" he whispered brokenly. "Why do we have to go through weird things like this? Why can’t we just be... normal?"

Lilith didn’t answer.

Because she didn’t know either.

She only held him tighter but the moment didn’t last.

Ray’s arms loosened. His body, once clinging tightly, slowly pulled away from her embrace like something inside him had shattered too deeply to stay held.

He broke the hug.

And the moment he did, everything broke with it.

"Why, Miss Mystery?" he whispered, his voice so soft, it barely made it past his lips but the pain in it was deafening.

His eyes, swollen with tears, trembled as he looked at her. His lips quivered, struggling to hold back the storm but it came anyway.

"Why don’t I have as much time as the others...?" he asked, almost childlike, his voice cracking in the middle. "Why can’t I stay in the outside world... like I want to?"

Tears spilled down his cheeks now.

His fingers gripped his own sleeves like he was trying to hold himself together with just that.

"I was so jealous," he admitted, choking on the words. "So jealous of everyone else. They get to live... they get to breathe fresh air, eat what they like, laugh freely, fall in love without worrying about being pulled back into the dark..."

He bent his head, and a sob escaped him.

"I don’t know... how many more days I have left before I’m pushed back again... into that cold, dark space where I don’t exist anymore."

Lilith’s throat tightened, her hand reaching out instinctively but she froze midway.

Because this pain wasn’t something she could erase with a touch.

This was the cry of a soul born from shadows.

"I wait and wait," Ray whispered, his whole body shaking. "Sometimes months. Sometimes years. Just to see light again... just to feel air on my skin."

He finally looked up at her.

And Lilith had never seen such a heartbreaking smile.

It was so soft.

So small.

So hopeless.

"Miss Mystery... every time I wake up, I wonder if it’s the last time I’ll get to see you."

And that’s when her tears returned.

Because how could anyone respond to that?

How do you comfort someone who doesn’t even know how long they’ll exist?

Lilith slowly leaned forward and wrapped her arms around him again, not saying a word.

There was nothing left to say.

Just tears.

Just warmth.

Just a trembling boy who wanted to stay a little longer in the world, and a girl who couldn’t promise that he could.

And in that silent room, with only their breaths filling the space.

Ray didn’t lift his head from her shoulder this time. His breath was uneven, warm and shaking against her skin. His hands, curled into fists, rested limply between them.

Then, in a low whisper, he spoke—his voice thin, like it was breaking apart with every word.

"Do you know... how it feels to be erased... while you’re still alive?"

Lilith didn’t answer. She just listened, because something in him needed to say it.

Ray let out a broken laugh that sounded more like a sob. "People think... it’s just about switching. That we just change like clothes. Like... one of us is tired so the other takes over."

He paused. His chest rose, then sank again.

"They don’t know... what it costs us."

His fingers clutched at his own shirt tightly now, as if he was trying to keep himself from falling apart.

"When I’m pushed back inside, Miss Mystery... it’s not sleep. It’s not resting. It’s not peaceful. It’s a prison."

His voice shook more violently now.

"I scream in there. I scream to be let out. Sometimes I bang on the walls inside my own head. Sometimes I cry for days in that darkness. But no one hears me. Not even the other parts of me. I don’t even know how long I’ve been stuck... time doesn’t work the same in there."

Lilith’s breath hitched, and Ray continued—his words pouring now, like something long sealed finally burst open.

"There are voices that aren’t mine. There are shadows that crawl. I see memories that don’t belong to me... I feel pain that I didn’t live... But I feel it anyway."

His eyes were wide, red-rimmed, like a child lost in a storm.

"I watch the world move on without me. I watch people smile, love, cry—and I’m not there. I’m just... nothing. Like I never existed."

His voice cracked. "And when I finally come back... when I finally get even a sliver of control—I’m older. Time has passed. People look at me like I’ve done something wrong. And I don’t even know what I did. I just missed everything. Again."

Lilith gently patted his back.

Ray didn’t notice. He just stared forward, into the past.

"I hate that I feel like a guest in my own body. I hate that I don’t even know how long I’ll get to stay before I’m forgotten again. I don’t want to disappear anymore."

And then, almost silently:

"I don’t want to be just a memory inside someone else’s mind."

A heavy silence filled the room.

Lilith, who had seen many kinds of suffering in her life—human and beyond felt something tear quietly inside her.

Ray wasn’t crying loudly. He didn’t scream.

But the way he sat there, hugging her trembling... small... broken...

It was the loudest kind of pain.

She gently pulled his head from her shoulder and drew him into her arms again, pressing it against her chest where he could hear her heartbeat.

"I hear you," she whispered, voice unsteady. "I hear you now. You’re not invisible."

Ray didn’t speak after that.

He just cried.

For every day he had lost.

For every moment he had missed.

For every part of himself that had been buried in the dark for too long.