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Chapter 785 - 783 - "Will You Save Me Once, Please?

Chapter 785: Chapter 783 - "Will You Save Me Once, Please?

"..."

Su Ming’an gripped his sword tightly.

All along, he had never truly understood Lin Guang. Even the audience thought that Lin Guang was just a paranoid antagonist.

But as for Lin Guang himself, why he had become like this, why he could become an Agent just 32 years after the Catastrophe, where he traveled after he lost the City of Gods, what kind of paintings he sketched, what music he composed, how he fired a pistol at himself, and how he all alone painfully wrapped his wounds at night when it was deep—no one knew.

All his logical points were mismatched, unable to form a straight line. His actions and words seemed to flow against time.

Even if he regretted, he never regretted his own cruelty but only regretted not stopping Lewis from loving humanity. His philosophy, his malice, his harm to others—he wouldn’t even deny them but would openly admit—

Yes, I am such an evil person.

I am such a person.

I despise humans, their selfishness and fickleness disgust me. I feel a closeness to you and will protect you.

Like a straightforward one-way line, what is inputted is what is outputted.

The hall was very quiet, only the chrysanthemums and roses still blooming. Lin Guang stood silently for a while and said, "Forget it."

Forget it.

Even Su Ming’an didn’t know what he was "forgetting."

"If you could be normal, you wouldn’t have ended up like this today," Su Ming’an slowly said, "Perhaps it was the prolonged emotional resonance that drove you mad. You shouldn’t have connected those tubes in the City of Gods."

Lin Guang’s gaze floated, like a slowly rising smoke.

For a moment, Su Ming’an felt that Lin Guang’s eyes met his. They seemed to be staring at each other across an imaginary garden path, the steam from the hot tea blurring their vision, interspersing their views with a mix of red and purple shadows.

Glimpses of insight, guessing the moon from the tube. There is you without me, there is me without you.

"Right."

At last, Lin Guang spoke slowly.

"I’ve gone mad."

"I’ve gone mad... to wear this Hanfu today."

He admitted himself that he had gone mad.

A sharp pain shot through the heart.

"Thoughts seem free but are restricted. Even if they diverge into fantasies from reality, they are trapped by experience, but does merely wanting to control everyone make one a villain? Or should I say—"

Lin Guang said:

"’Creator,’ are they a villain?"

"To what extent must a character go, to be considered to have free will?"

"Am I free? Lewis, are you free?"

Su Ming’an’s fingers were on the trigger.

Lin Guang still stood there, his gaze moist like the mist in the rain. Bright red blood surrounded him, the world seemed upside down, and resonance thundered from all directions.

Su Ming’an had been ready to resist the resonance. But when the resonance enveloped him, he felt that this time it was not painful, but rather made him feel a strong contradiction and struggle, as if seeking life repeatedly between extremes of ice and fire.

Such intense emotions, such contradicting thoughts, unprecedented. Just like a newborn baby first encountering the human world.

...

[The first time we meet, you are called Lin Guang now, right?] He heard the Deity’s voice.

[Right, rest assured, I will act according to the previous plot.] That was Lin Guang’s voice.

[Then let’s erase your memory, keeping it is useless.] the Deity said.

...

[Deity, I am confused. What is the essence of life?] Lin Guang’s voice.

[The wind can blow a leaf, but not a butterfly. Because life has its own strength, it has its own faith.] the Deity’s voice.

[Am I a leaf or a butterfly?] Lin Guang said.

[You are certainly a leaf.] the Deity said.

...

[Deity, why do people always look at me with eyes full of hatred, am I not doing the right thing?] Lin Guang’s voice: [Those who offend the Deity, should be executed.]

[Of course that’s right.] the Deity’s voice enticingly: [It is for the stability of the world, the masses need a unified faith, which saves resources.]

[Humans really like to fight among themselves.] Lin Guang said.

[That’s just how humans are.] the Deity said.

...

[Deity, today in Zone 11’s garden villa, I saw someone whose black hair and gray eyes felt familiar to me. I want to keep him here and befriend him.]Lin Guang’s voice.

[Do as you please, it’s your freedom.]The Deity’s voice sounded somewhat indifferent, [What’s his name?]

[Lewis.]Lin Guang said.

[...]The Deity said, [That’s not possible.]

[I want to be his friend.]Lin Guang said.

[It’s not possible, especially not him.]The Deity said.

[Didn’t you say that I could have whatever I wanted?]Lin Guang said.

[Choose someone else.]The Deity said.

[No, this is the only time I will defy you.]Lin Guang said.

[This is your gravest mistake.]The Deity said.

...

[Deity, he agreed to go for a walk with me today!]Lin Guang’s excited voice.

[...]The Deity was silent.

[A person named Qiu Li died; he seemed a bit sad. So tonight I played the flute for him, and sent him back to the Beacon gathering area. He’s different from the others, not afraid of me, not hating me, which is great.]Lin Guang said, [Ever since I can remember, I have never been so happy. I’m sure we will become great friends.]

[...]The Deity was silent.

[Deity, Deity?]Lin Guang said.

[Just don’t accidentally kill him.]The Deity said, [Keep him alive, at least let him survive 49 years past the Catastrophe.]

[If he doesn’t annoy me, of course I won’t kill him.]Lin Guang said.

[You haven’t realized that this isn’t an equal ’friendship’, have you?]The Deity said.

[What is friendship?]Lin Guang was bewildered.

...

[Deity, today I was very angry.]Lin Guang’s voice.

[I said it, you, such a being, aren’t worthy of having a friendship.]The Deity’s voice.

[I was only trying to remove obstacles around him! Those people had a contagious disease, and he didn’t believe me. I had to take matters into my hands forcefully.]Lin Guang’s voice was furious, [But he got very angry and even chased me to the City of Gods. I promised him I would help him kill a guy named Edward.]

[Edward? Try to spare his life.]The Deity said.

[I won’t. It’s a promise between friends.]Lin Guang said.

[You’re increasingly losing control.]The Deity said, [Personal love and hatred, for the Savior, are untenable emotions, chains you cannot escape. You will regret it sooner or later.]

[But he still believes only Players are real, I can’t be an equal person. Only Players are human, we are just tools— he never saw me as a friend, only approaching me because I am useful.]Lin Guang said, [I never understand, what’s there to protect about criminals. Offend him, should be killed, hiding a contagious disease, should be killed. But why does he save such vile humans? Why do some sympathize with criminals, blaming the victims?]

[Because that’s what humans are.]The Deity said.

...

[Deity, today I sneaked into Zone 11 and made him tea.]Lin Guang’s voice.

[Hmm.]The Deity’s voice sounded unconcerned.

[But the tea I made turned out blood red, and he didn’t like it.]Lin Guang said.

[Because you used black tea leaves.]The Deity said.

[I tried bleaching it with chlorine, but it failed, and he seems not to like it either.]Lin Guang said.

[Who would like to drink chlorine?]The Deity said.

[I will make improvements, next time I will try using sulfuric acid...]Lin Guang said.

[Don’t poison him to death.]The Deity said.

...

[Deity, today I found out. His birthday is December 31st, he usually likes reading psychology and mystery stories. He plays tennis and piano, likes mushroom soup, chocolate for snacks, and strawberries for fruit... He likes gaming, I don’t quite understand what gaming is, it seems to be an activity people enjoyed before the Century Catastrophe.]Lin Guang’s voice.

[He is indeed playing a very big game.]The Deity’s voice.

[What am I to him, then?]Lin Guang said.

[The boss of a level.]The Deity said.

[What is he?]Lin Guang said.

[The Brave who needs to defeat the boss.]The Deity said.

"Can the Demon King and the Brave become good friends?" Lin Guang said.

"According to traditional games, it’s impossible," the Deity said.

"It’s possible," Lin Guang said, "It definitely is."

...

"Deity, today he established Doomsday City and now he is the City Lord, people call him Lord of Acto City," Lin Guang’s voice said.

"Hmm," the voice of the Deity.

"I really hate... this name. Lewis sounds much better," Lin Guang said, "When people call him, it always feels like they’re not calling him, but invoking a different god."

"Hmm," the Deity said.

...

"Deity, today he suddenly died," Lin Guang’s voice said.

"In a few years, he will appear again," the voice of the Deity said.

"I will wait," Lin Guang said.

"Why are you so fixated on him? He’s always been wary of you," the Deity said.

"But," Lin Guang said, "he’s the only one willing to walk with me... Every time I saw him, my chest would burst with fireworks-like happiness. I don’t understand what this feeling is; I’ve never experienced it. I can’t understand why a smile means lifting the corners of your mouth, or why having tears means crying. But seeing him gave me these reactions. My surroundings seemed to be a mix of dark and light shades, but he had color."

... The Deity was silent.

...

"Deity, today I told him, ’Lv Shu has long been dead,’" Lin Guang’s voice said.

"He must have been very sad," the Deity said.

"I regret saying that a bit," Lin Guang said, "Deity, when I said that, my heart ached, why is that?"

"Check if there’s a wound," the Deity said.

"Is it because of a wound?" Lin Guang said.

"Is it?"

...

"Deity, today I went to find him. In the cave, I found him first. I was faster than Shan Tingting, faster than the redhead, faster than Smiling Tiger, faster than anyone else," Lin Guang’s voice said.

"He indeed is an interesting person," the voice of the Deity said.

"The moonlight looks beautiful today," Lin Guang said.

"But he still didn’t walk with me."

...

"Deity, today I dreamt about a lot of things... I dreamt about Acto and the gingko tree," Lin Guang’s voice said.

"It’s just a dream," the voice of the Deity said.

"Today... I also broke his leg. There’s a saying that if a person makes the right choice at every time point, he will achieve perfect happiness. So far, have I done many wrong things? I seem to have hurt him too many times, but I can’t help it," Lin Guang said.

"You are inherently flawed; what more could you ask for?" the Deity said.

"I want to leave the City of Gods, Deity," Lin Guang said, "I want... to travel around, I want to understand why I always subconsciously do the wrong things."

...

"Deity, over these years, I’ve been to many places. I secretly visited Doomsday City, bought a lot of painting supplies, and I want to paint his portrait over the next several decades," Lin Guang’s voice said.

... The Deity remained silent.

"You seem to have stopped talking to me for a long time, am I useless now? It’s fine, I can talk to myself," Lin Guang said.

...

"Deity, today I met Shan Tingting, he gave me a letter from Lewis saying he’ll treat me to a meal someday. I’m looking forward to that day. Which day is ’someday’?" Lin Guang’s voice said.

...

"Deity, several years have passed and ’someday’ has still not come," Lin Guang’s voice said.

...

"Deity, I have housed many children; they’re so noisy all day and night, I can’t sleep," Lin Guang’s voice said.

...

"Deity, today he appeared at the dinner party looking very tired. I secretly followed him and killed some people who tried to attack him, even though he didn’t know," Lin Guang’s voice said.

...

"Deity, in recent years, I’ve started shooting myself, but I feel nothing but pain. Why? Clearly, some humans shoot themselves and smile so happily," Lin Guang said.

"I find it hard to perceive positive emotions. Distorted negative emotions continuously accompany me. I don’t understand why happiness means to smile, nor do I understand why the death of a companion means to cry," Lin Guang said.

"If I had met him earlier, would things between me and him... have been different?" Lin Guang said.

...

...

"It hurts," Lin Guang said.

...

"Deity, Tretiya died for him," Lin Guang said.

...

"Su Xiaobi jumped down for him," Lin Guang said.

...

"Didn’t expect Yao Wen wasn’t a traitor," Lin Guang said.

...

"Noah held on for a long time," Lin Guang said.

..."It’s quite ironic that Sen died in a church," Lin Guang said.

...

"It’s so cold," Lin Guang said.

...

"I’m out of paintings," Lin Guang said.

...

"I saw him," Lin Guang said.

...

"He still hates me," Lin Guang said.

...

"Deity, I followed your advice and saved so many people I detest, but no one has ever saved me," Lin Guang said.

"I painted a thousand and two hundred pictures of him, all of which were burned," Lin Guang said.

"The over one hundred hours of video footage I kept of his live broadcasts is also gone," Lin Guang said.

"I planted strawberry trees, but now the flower garden is no longer mine. I tried to find roses, but it’s hard to find flowers in this world," Lin Guang said.

"I wanted to find painting supplies, but the last set of supplies was also destroyed; they called me a demon," Lin Guang said.

"If even he fears and despises me, I’m left with nothing," Lin Guang said.

"Deity, I don’t want to call you Deity anymore. To me, he’s more like a new, little deity—a deity of my redemption, the deity who keeps me going," Lin Guang said.

"Does getting and then losing not hurt?" Lin Guang said.

"But have I ever even had ’getting’?" Lin Guang said.

...

"New Deity," Lin Guang said.

"I’ve never been saved," Lin Guang said.

... "Save me once, please?" Lin Guang said.

...

"Tap, tap, tap."

The overlapping and chaotic memories made Su Ming’an keep moving back, until he reached the edge of the window.

In a trance, it seemed there was a figure in traditional Han clothing, with patterns of pine cranes and bamboo leaves embroidered on the fabric, standing silently in the rain, holding an oiled paper umbrella.

Blood blooms spread one after another in the puddles, the figure in Han clothing slightly moved, turned his head, and looked at Su Ming’an with a lightless gaze.

This made him feel,

he was about to break down.