Villainous Instructor at the Academy
Chapter 161: March of the idiots

Chapter 161: March of the idiots

The silence hung thick after my announcement, like the calm before a really stupid, really loud storm.

Julien, Mira, Garrick, Wallace, Felix, Leo—all stared at me, each showing different stages of horror.

"Special training?" Mira finally asked, voice flat and suspicious. "Is that just a fancy way of saying ’death march’?"

I gave her an approving nod.

"Exactly. Points for catching on quickly, Trickster."

She grimaced.

Wallace raised a trembling hand, like a kid about to ask if the fire drill was real while standing in a burning building.

"Uh... what kind of training?"

I unfolded the letter and read aloud in a mockingly serious tone:

___

"In preparation for the next semester’s integrated battle classes, all participating students must undergo an external survival and cooperation assessment in a natural environment, supervised by a faculty member. The goal is to foster camaraderie, resilience, and field adaptability."

___

I snapped the letter closed with a flourish.

"In other words," I said, grinning, "they’re throwing you into the wild and hoping you don’t come back too broken."

Leo looked ready to faint.

Felix, bless his soul, actually whimpered.

I clapped my hands together, startling half of them.

"Cheer up! It’s a chance for you to prove you’re more than slightly evolved pond scum."

"No offense, Wallace," I added casually. "I’m sure in the right light, you’re barely indistinguishable from a human."

He looked deeply wounded.

Julien muttered under his breath, "Pretty sure the right light would have to be complete darkness."

I heard that.

I let it slide.

Because honestly? True.

Mira crossed her arms, suspicious.

"Where exactly are we going?"

I pointed dramatically toward the distant, misty outlines of forested hills visible beyond the Academy walls.

"Out there," I declared. "Into the Virescent Woods."

Felix immediately blanched.

"V-Virescent Woods?! That’s... that’s where people go missing!"

"Correct!" I said cheerfully. "It builds character."

"But—but—but—" Leo stammered. "Isn’t that place full of rogue beasts and, and cursed plants and, and evil squirrels?!"

I gasped, mock-horrified.

"Evil squirrels? How terrifying."

Then, dropping the act, I shrugged.

"Relax. You’ll be fine. Probably. If you listen to instructions and don’t wander off like idiots."

I gave them a bright, dazzlingly fake smile.

"So naturally, I’m going to be giving you the minimum possible supervision."

Julien groaned and scrubbed his face.

"Why us?! Why Class C?!"

"Simple," I said, leaning in. "Because nobody expects you to survive."

They stared.

I stood back up, dusted off my coat, and added nonchalantly,

"That’s why it’ll be so damn funny when you do."

"Okay," Mira said slowly. "Fine. Whatever. Survival training. Great. When?"

I grinned.

"Tomorrow morning. Sharp. Pack lightly. Bring weapons. Bring snacks. Bring a will if you have one."

Leo raised his hand.

"Can I just... fake my death and run away to another continent?"

"You could," I said thoughtfully, "but I’d find you."

Leo whimpered.

I started walking off toward the festival’s main area, waving a hand casually behind me.

"Enjoy the rest of your day, Class C. Tomorrow, we descend into madness!"

"Wait, wait!" Julien called after me. "What about the festival?! What do we do if something breaks again?!"

I didn’t turn around.

"You’ll figure it out," I said cheerfully. "Or you won’t. Either way, it’s good for your emotional development!"

Behind me, the familiar sound of minor explosions, shrieks, and miserable students filled the air once again.

I smiled to myself.

Perfect.

Morning came with all the enthusiasm of a funeral march.

I stood at the Academy’s east gate, leaning lazily against the wall, watching as Class C stumbled in one by one like hungover goblins.

Julien was yawning wide enough to unhinge his jaw.

Mira looked murderous.

Garrick wore full armor like he expected war.

Wallace had three backpacks stuffed to bursting, including what looked suspiciously like a kettle strapped to his hip.

Felix nervously triple-checked his gear.

Leo... Leo just looked like he’d already accepted death.

Beautiful.

Absolutely beautiful.

"You look like a bunch of convicts about to be shipped to a penal colony," I said by way of greeting.

"Really inspires confidence."

"Why are you so chipper?" Mira demanded.

"Because," I said, pushing off the wall with a grin, "I have the rare joy of legally endangering all your lives. It’s what I live for."

Felix whimpered.

Again.

After some quick (and very half-hearted) gear checks, we set off toward the Virescent Woods.

It was supposed to be a two-hour hike.

It became a four-hour ordeal because my students were biologically incapable of traveling in a straight line.

First, Wallace tripped over a root and managed to tangle Garrick, Julien, and Leo into a screaming pile of limbs.

I stood there, arms crossed, watching impassively as they flailed around like fish on dry land.

"Marvelous teamwork," I said dryly. "If an enemy attacked right now, you’d defeat them through secondhand embarrassment."

Then Mira, in her infinite wisdom, tried to shortcut through what she swore was "solid ground"—and promptly sank knee-deep into a boggy puddle.

"You said you were good at reading terrain," I said, raising an eyebrow.

"I am!" she snapped, struggling to yank her leg out.

"Clearly," I said, deadpan. "Next time, maybe use both eyes."

Julien lost it and had to bite his fist to stop laughing.

Wallace wasn’t even subtle—he was openly snickering.

I pretended not to notice Mira swearing under her breath in increasingly colorful language.

Leo, meanwhile, was constantly looking over his shoulder.

At one point, he grabbed my sleeve and whispered in a panic,

"Professor, I swear I saw something move back there!"

"Probably a squirrel," I said calmly.

"A s-s-squirrel?! What if it’s rabid?!"

"Then it has excellent taste," I said. "I’d bite you too."

Leo whimpered and practically glued himself to Garrick after that.

Around midday, we stopped for a break near a small clearing.

I tossed my cloak over a rock, sat down like a king, and pulled out an apple.

Meanwhile, the students collapsed into the grass like they’d been personally mauled by life.

"I hope this suffering teaches you something valuable," I said around a bite of apple.

"Like what," Julien croaked, "how much we hate you?"

"No," I said loftily, "something even more important."

I pointed dramatically at the horizon.

"How to survive in a world that doesn’t care about your whining!"

Felix groaned into the dirt.

After some water and a lot of complaining, we pushed onward.

The trees grew thicker. The ground grew uneven. Strange calls echoed from deeper within.

The Virescent Woods weren’t exactly friendly territory.

But that was the point.

Real world conditions.

Real danger.

Real, hilarious suffering.

I watched them struggle through it all with a mixture of pride and amusement.

They were whiny, clumsy, disorganized disasters.

But they were my disasters.

And damned if I wasn’t going to turn these morons into survivors, one roast session at a time.

Tomorrow, the real training would begin.

Today?

Today was just foreplay.

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