Villainous Instructor at the Academy
Chapter 120: Academy’s shame parade

Julien was polishing his sword like it owed him money. Garrick stood off to the side, arms folded, silently judging the wind. Felix had tripped three times before I even finished my first yawn. Leo was pacing like a condemned man. And Wallace... was standing next to a suspiciously humming contraption.

I stared at it.

He smiled.

I stared harder.

He started sweating.

"Wallace," I said, tone flat. "What. Is. That."

He perked up like a happy inventor goblin. "A mana-assisted grappling hook launcher! I call it the Spider-Latch!"

"Spider-Latch?"

"It’s meant to help scale terrain—"

BOOM.

A puff of smoke. A metal bolt shot ten feet into the air and lodged itself into a tree branch. The rope snapped. The tree groaned. And then it collapsed. Onto Felix.

"AAAAAGH—WHY ALWAYS ME?!"

"Because fate has taste," I muttered, stepping over the smoking wreckage. "Felix, consider this divine punishment for being born with two left feet and no spatial awareness."

He moaned from under the branches.

I let him stay there for now.

"Alright, today’s lesson," I barked, "is terrain awareness and combat application. That means you’ll be using your surroundings to your advantage."

Leo raised a hand. "What surroundings? You just had Wallace blow them up."

I smiled.

"Good. Then you’ll have to improvise. Which means some of you might actually learn something."

Julien smirked. "You say that like it’s hard."

"Oh, it is. Especially for you." I clapped once. "Julien, you’re up. Show me how you fight while using terrain."

He nodded, adjusted his grip, dashed forward—and promptly slipped in the mud and landed face-first.

I pointed dramatically. "Behold! The elegance of the Dueling Department!"

Julien groaned.

"Leo," I said, "you’re next. Try not to punch yourself this time."

He squared up. Moved with purpose. Jumped off a rock—then missed his swing completely and face-planted beside Julien.

"Excellent. A synchronized failure. Truly the bonds of Class C are unbreakable."

Wallace offered, "Do I get to test the new boots now?"

"No. Because if they explode, we’ll all die. You’re only allowed to destroy one thing per day."

He sulked.

"Garrick," I called.

The big guy stepped forward.

"Don’t move. You’re the dummy."

"...Okay."

"Everyone else: try to land a hit on him using your surroundings. Whoever makes him flinch gets to skip physical drills tomorrow."

Felix, revived by the promise of less suffering, limped up first. He threw a stick at Garrick’s head.

It bounced.

Garrick blinked.

I turned to Felix. "Was that an attack or a cry for help?"

He looked embarrassed. "I thought maybe a distraction—"

"No. What distracted him was the sheer audacity of your weakness."

Julien tried climbing a tree to jump down and slash. The branch broke.

He landed beside Felix.

Leo hurled a rock.

It hit me.

I didn’t flinch.

He panicked.

"You’ve unlocked a side quest, Leo: Run.

I chased him for five minutes before he tripped over Felix and the two collapsed like a discount circus act.

Garrick hadn’t moved the entire time.

I sighed, dragging the two back to the training line. "You’re all disasters. Bright, flaming, magical disasters."

Wallace cleared his throat. "If I could just—"

"No, Wallace. No boots. No bombs. No bladed umbrellas. No grappling cannons."

"...Okay."

I checked the sun. Still some time left.

"New drill," I announced. "It’s called ’Hide and Flee.’ You get two minutes to hide somewhere in this field. I’ll come find you. If I find you, you do pushups. If I don’t find you... you’re probably dead, because this academy is full of monsters."

They scattered.

I waited exactly one minute.

Then shouted, "RAVENOUS GOLEM UNLEASHED!"

Screams.

Panicked footsteps.

Felix ran in a circle and hid behind me.

I tilted my head. "You do realize I’m the one hunting you?"

"I panicked."

"I can tell."

Julien climbed halfway into a hollow log and got stuck.

Leo hid in a bush and started sneezing uncontrollably.

Wallace built a makeshift decoy using rocks, moss, and half of his jacket. It actually fooled me.

Until it exploded.

Garrick stood behind a tree, unmoving.

I walked by, pretending not to see him. He earned that one.

Eventually, I gathered them all again, muddy, scraped, panting.

"This," I said, gesturing at their sorry state, "is not a class. It’s a cautionary tale. If someone writes a book about you, it’ll be sold in the tragedy section."

Felix: "Do we at least get points for trying?"

"Yes. And you can exchange them at the infirmary for bandages and regret."

He collapsed onto the dirt.

I looked over them all—disheveled, beat up, exhausted.

And yet... still standing.

Somehow.

Maybe I was rubbing off on them.

God help us all.

By the time the dust settled, they were sprawled around the training field like victims of an unseen war.

I leaned against a tree, sipping tea from my thermos. Yes, I brought tea. No, I didn’t share.

Felix, still half-buried in dirt, raised a trembling hand. "Professor..."

I looked down at him.

"Permission to... die?"

"Denied," I replied cheerfully. "You’re not getting out of drills that easily."

Leo was lying face-up, whispering to the sky, "The golem wasn’t real... it wasn’t real... but it felt real..."

"Good," I said. "Imagination is a powerful tool. Now imagine the amount of shame I feel watching you all perform."

Julien sat up, bruised and filthy. "Can we at least say we learned something today?"

"You learned gravity is stronger than you. Again."

Wallace rolled over and groaned, "I learned that combustion isn’t the answer to everything..."

"Progress," I said with a nod. "Next you’ll learn that timing matters. Like, for example, not deploying a smoke bomb in your own face."

Garrick, still unbothered, stretched his arms. "I feel fine."

I pointed at him. "Exactly. Do you know why you’re fine, Garrick?"

"Because I didn’t move?"

"Because you’re built like a fortress and your brain doesn’t get in the way. The rest of you," I scanned the others, "need to uninstall the brain app and just focus on not dying."

"Why are we even doing this?" Leo wheezed.

I paced theatrically. "Because the battlefield is unpredictable. Because you’ll face things that won’t wait for a clean arena and a fair fight. Because monsters don’t care about your feelings or footwork."

I stopped. Looked them all over.

"And because one day, someone’s going to look to you in a moment of chaos, and if you hesitate, they die."

Silence.

Then, from the dirt, Felix mumbled, "But also because you enjoy this, right?"

I grinned. "Oh absolutely."

Julien coughed. "So... what’s next, Professor?"

I pointed at the collapsed tree from earlier. "Obstacle course."

Five groans and one excited nod from Garrick.

"I want each of you to climb that log, crawl under those branches, dodge Wallace’s malfunctioning launcher—"

"It’s not malfunctioning!"

"It nearly beheaded a squirrel, Wallace."

"It was a feature!"

"—and reach the far end of the field in under two minutes."

Leo blinked. "Isn’t that... impossible?"

"Exactly. But I want to see who fails the least."

Felix whimpered.

I blew my whistle.

Chaos resumed.

Julien nearly made it to the end before slipping on Felix’s face.

Leo got stuck halfway through and shouted, "I’m dying!" multiple times, none of which were true.

Wallace tripped over his own wire and ended up dangling upside down from a branch.

Garrick completed the course calmly, then jogged back to help Leo—who immediately collapsed in his arms like a dramatic maiden.

Felix made it ten steps, tripped on a root, rolled under the log, and fell asleep face-first in a patch of moss.

I marked him down as "Unconscious but mildly successful."

By the time the sun dipped low, they looked like survivors of a cursed obstacle tournament.

I clapped once. "Good effort."

Julien snorted. "You call that good?"

"For you lot? Yes. You didn’t set the forest on fire. That’s improvement."

Wallace mumbled, "Technically, the grappling bolt is still smoldering."

"Then we’ll call it a lesson in consequences."

As I gathered my things and prepared to leave, I turned back.

"Same time tomorrow. And bring helmets."

Leo groaned, "Why?"

"Because I’m making Felix do aerial maneuvers with a broomstick. If he survives, you all get extra credit."

Felix shot up from the moss. "WAIT WHAT?!"

Too late. I’d already vanished behind the tree line.

Let them stew in their panic.

It’s good for growth.