To His Hell and Back
Chapter 98: Willingly Drink Poison

Chapter 98: Willingly Drink Poison

Hearing his words that bound her like a cage made Arabella to glare at him out of anger.

She pushed his chest, pushing that thick wall in front of her until the push turned into anger as she balled her hands into a fist and hit him strongly on his ribs. It didn’t affect him- instead, it hurt her more but she didn’t stop. Anger rose to her throat and she yelled, "You, you’re... an asshole."

Her voice rang through the chamber, raw and shaking with fury. She struck him again, her fists colliding with his ribs, her hands trembling from the force of it. It didn’t matter that she was the one in pain, that her efforts barely made him flinch but she didn’t care.

Cassius watched her, unblinking, as still as the water that was about to erupt. His expression unreadable as she vent her anger against him. Her breath was ragged, her lips still shaking from the fear of death she had just survived from, but she didn’t stop. She didn’t want to stop.

"You- You don’t care for me. You never cared for me but then you will save me like I’m such a damsel in distress and then what? Should I thank you for it? For saving me from something that was also caused by you?" she shouted, her vision blurring with unshed tears that welled from the rim of her eyes. "You said that I can’t leave, that I belong to you— but I am not yours! I willnever be yours! I don’t want this," she sighed, sucking in her breaths so tears won’t ever spill from her eyes . "I hate being around you."

Cassius looked at her, his frown tightening as well as his fists but he heard the words that came out from her lips slowly, not stopping her or cutting her off. He heard her words, those words that spilled faster than her head, "You make me hope. Hope that there is something in this god damn empty chest of yours! One day you show me kindness and then you turn ice cold. You struck me as someone who cares for me but then you tell me to know my place that I shouldn’t ever wish for more from you."

Arabella felt the bubbling frustration that overwhelmed her completely. When she looked at his crimson eyes, her green ones were simply filled with so much anxiety and anger. The anxiety that one day this kindness he showed to protect her would turn to another bout of coldness from him.

"Youwon’t change but you worry for me. You put me to suffer but don’t want others to hurt me I’m done- I don’t want to stay with someone who contradicts every of his words ," she hit him again but this time her fists slowly slid from his chest to his waist, her strength leaving her as the weight of her emotions bore down on her. Her hands clenched at the fabric of his coat, squeezing it tightly even though she would usually fear any wrinkle on such an expensive silk. She didn’t only hold him out of anger but in something weaker and fragile, something that was born out of desperation.

Her forehead weakly bumped against his chest as she sucked in a shaky breaths. She hated the way she trembled against him, hating the way his scent surrounded her like that broken golden cage.

She realized that if she was the bird he protect, that would mean that he’s the golden cage. Impossibly magnificent and beautiful yet so broken and tattered.

But she had enough of the cage if it keeps closing in, making her doubt in herself and in him, hoping for something fragile, hoping that he... that perhaps... somewhere she was important to him as his actions had showed.

"I don’t want to feel this way... anymore," she whispered, her voice breaking, barely audible like a small choke. "Stop making me doubt myself. I don’t want to care, Cassius. I don’t want to hope."

Cassius, who had stood still through her anger, now moved. Slowly, taking it’s time tenderly as one of his hands came to the back of her head. His fingers weaved through her reddish brown hair as he gently lift her gaze to his. His grip wasn’t rough, but it left no room for defiance. His crimson eyes burned into hers, dark and consuming.

She knew he was going to say something demanding, something that would force her to accept him as he was and she immediately refused to look at him, "If you aren’t going to change, then don’t, don’t bother and let me leave you. There is no choice for you- leave me or-"

"Or what?" Cassius leaned forward, his hands moved as it grabbed her wrist. He pressed her hands to the armrest, his fingers slid between the gaps of her five fingers and held it down, both hands on the armrest tightly wound with his hand. "What could I do to stop you from leaving?" His crimson gaze burned into hers, filled with something wild, something tamed by him that was slipping from his masks.

Arabella froze, her breath hitching as the weight of his words settled over her like a suffocating shroud. There was something raw in his voice, something that made her chest tighten and her fury waver. Cassius never asked. He commanded, he took, he manipulated— but this? This was different. This was desperation, an unfamiliar crack in his carefully constructed walls.

He was negotiating for her presence.

She swallowed, forcing herself to hold his gaze despite the storm raging within her. "What...?" Her voice was barely above a whisper.

His grip on her wrists remained firm, as if afraid that if he let go she would disappear. His body loomed over hers and he looked extremely tense, restless. His gaze searched hers for an answer neither of them were ready for.

"What should I give you," he asked, each word deliberate, a silver of urgency stirred into his voice, "in exchange for you to stay with me?– So that you won’t ever ask me to let you die again?"

Arabella’s lips parted, but nothing came out. Of all the things she expected from him, a command, a cruel taunt, even another one of his unbearable silences, this was not one of them.

Her fingers twitched beneath his, the warmth of his touch searing into her skin. She could feel his pulse beneath the surface. It felt steady, unyielding, yet betraying the turmoil he refused to name.

She had a choice. A rare, dangerous choice.

"You want me to... stay?" she finally said, her voice quieter now, as if testing the very words that left her mouth.

His jaw tensed and he took a moment before confirming what he hadn’t wanted to acknowledge, "Yes. Stay."

Arabella’s breath hitched. The tears on her eyes stilled as she tried to sink his words to her head. She stared at him, confused, doubting her ears from what she had heard.

His jaw clenched. He should have laughed, brushed her aside and told her she was being dramatic. But the words wouldn’t come. Because he didn’t want to say those. He refused to confirm that she has became important to him. She refused to have her killed by someone but he also couldn’t accept the idea that she would leave. Leave his side, leave and.. leave him alone. Again?

The thought of her leaving, of walking away as if she could carve herself out of his life, made something ugly rise in his chest.

His next words were quiet, almost careful, but edged with something raw.

"Anything," he murmured. Cassius knew how dangerous this fondness he had for Arabella had became. He knew he should stop but his rationale had gone out of the window. All he thought was to find a way to keep her here, in his hell. He could let her go, perhaps that would be safer for her as well but when he thought of her leaving his side for good, a sense of loss overcame him.

He could still remember fresh that raging anger that had almost caused him to tear the castle apart upon seeing her lifeless body out of the lake. This was perhaps the cause for his sudden erratic behavior. That was perhaps a wake up call, a cruel one even.

Yet that emotions didn’t stop there, it grew.

What he was doing was akin to willingly drinking a goblet he knew was poisoned yet his words slipped from his mouth almost in a natural promise, almost tender, hardly believable that it had came out from his mouth.

He could see Arabella’s eyes that was wide from shock, as confused as he was.

"Tell me what you want, Arabella."

She searched his face. The mix of fury and uneasiness carved into his sharp jaw, the furrow in his brow, the way his breath came just a little too fast. She swallowed, her heart hammering against her ribs in a rush of emotions.. For a moment, she could have said nothing. She could pretend she didn’t hear that and argue her way so he could let her leave.

But something in her— some fragile, foolish hope washed over heart little heart.

"Anything- Just promise me that you’re not going to disappear."

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