There's No Love In the Deathzone (BL)
Chapter 84 - 82. Bittersweet and Spicy (3)

Chapter 84: Chapter 82. Bittersweet and Spicy (3)

Bassena left the guide on the rooftop couch while the waiter prepared their lunch order, climbing down to the first floor to get that common candy that Zein wanted.

As he went back to the rooftop, he looked at the candy in his hand. It was a product that could be found anywhere on the continent, a common candy people might find as free service in public office or the banks. For someone like Bassena, who was always surrounded by luxurious products, this kind of candy was actually something he almost never consume. Probably once or twice when he was an adventurous child.

In an ironic way, he understood that Zein probably consumed this candy as seldom as he was, for a completely different reason. For the guide, a red-zone dweller, this simple, cheap candy was probably as precious as the limited edition one.

Bassena still remembered the astonishment on Zein’s face when he tried the fruits they brought to the borderland. He remembered the wonder and bliss after that first taste of chocolate beside the lake. There were many common things in Bassena’s life that weren’t at all common for Zein. He knew that Zein’s penchant for sweet things was derived from the lack of it during his life in the red-zone.

He could easily guess that this cheap, common candy in his hand was the first, probably only candy Zein had ever tasted. In a place where sugar was as expensive as a potion, a candy might as well be considered a drug.

At the rooftop which was rather calm and quiet, he could see the guide zoning out, staring vacantly at the plaza below. Zein did it sometimes, mind wandering to places out of nowhere, just like that time in the training hall.

Faraway places, heavy places...

Bassena felt his heart clench every time he saw it, as if Zein was flying somewhere he might not be able to reach. He took a deep breath, and jumped on the man from behind, putting a playful smile on his face.

"Like I said, if you space out when you’re with me, I might kiss you," he whispered scandalously, circling the guide’s neck and leaning his weight.

It was effective to wake the guide from whatever disturbing thought swirling inside his pretty mind. Zein looked up with an unimpressed face, flicking Bassena’s cap lightly. "Don’t be a pervert just after giving your autograph to kids."

Laughing merrily, Bassena took the guide’s hand and dropped the candy there. "This is the one that you want, right?"

Zein looked at the candy and hummed as he played with the noisy wrapper. He felt the round shape of the candy inside, and observed the glittering star patterns on the wrapper’s surface.

When he first tasted the candy, he kept the wrapper inside his pocket for so many days, sniffing the sweet scent every time he longed for the taste of melted sugar. He kept it until he got drenched in mud and blood and the wrapper was one of the casualties besides his clothes. Rather than the pain of the injury he got, he was hurt more by the loss of that sweet scent.

Zein chuckled at the memory, and unwrapped the glittering package. He wasn’t really sure whether the memory about the candy was a bitter one or a sweet one, but it sure was something that he was never able to forget. As he popped the small, round candy inside his mouth, he leaned back and closed his eyes, feeling the summer’s sun upon his face.

Vaguely, he felt Bassena hold his hand, quietly intertwining their fingers, just like their guiding session. But Zein wasn’t guiding, and Bassena wasn’t speaking. They just stayed there, in silence, feeling the sun and hearing the buzzing noise around.

It was nice, it was peaceful. Zein didn’t feel like pulling his hand, feeling the warmth of the younger’s hand.

Yeah--Bassena was warm. Seeing the esper interact with kids was interesting. He was warm and affectionate, despite being known as cold and arrogant. It was probably just a matter of where the other person stood in Bassena’s book.

He looked like a nice older brother, even though he was an only child that lacked affection. It was always fascinating for Zein how Bassena could grow up this well despite his history.

Bassena is pure. Radia had said that to Zein. He absorbed his environment. He was easily brought into a poisonous weapon for the Vaskis and the Golden Viper, but it was also easy to turn him back into a decent human being. The reason Bassena could be the way he was after the fall of his family was because of his mother--the memory of his loving, easygoing mother, and her diary that kept Bassena afloat.

And Zein.

Because he met his first love and chase the man relentlessly. Because he wanted to be the best version of himself that he could present to the person he treasured the most.

He was as complex as he was simple.

An adorable creature.

Zein didn’t think he deserved the attachment that this man had over him. The innocence and purity of his feelings. Zein was much too scared, much too cowardly. Much too cruel.

The blue eyes opened slowly, and their serene session ended as the sweetness dissolved entirely and the guide pulled his hand away.

Zein watched the plaza wordlessly, of families walking together, of brothers chasing each other around the fountain. His mind flew to the little girl Daisy and her siblings, looking happy walking back hand in hand, chocolates and candies in their hands. He wondered if the grumpy old man Dan felt happy when he bought his daughter the things they couldn’t get in the red-zone.

There were brothers playing with a ball near the fountain, the younger one kicking too hard that it fell into the water. The boy started to whine, and the older one sighed before going into the fountain and getting the ball back, even though he had to get drenched and wet in the process.

"Good boy," Bassena seemed to watch the same scene--actually a lot of people were. The esper smiled and clapped his hands lightly.

Zein let out a smile too, although the bitterness inside didn’t match the view. "I always thought I was a bad brother..."

Bassena turned his head with widened eyes, obviously confused. "How so?"

Zein watched the younger one jump excitedly and hugged his older brother to show his gratitude. The older brother laughed sweetly despite being wet and messy, ruffling the younger’s hair.

"I always loathed them," the guide smiled with hardened eyes at his confession. "I thought they were a burden, that I would be better off without them,"

The wrapper in the guide’s hands made a creaking noise as it got crushed. The necklace on his neck felt heavy, heavier with each word of confession he spat out, as if it were ready to crush his heart too.

"That I’ll be able to run away if it wasn’t for them," he smiled as he said that, a cold and dry word that he pointed at himself more, as the sweetness in his mouth disappeared, and only the bitter, biting tang remained.

There was no lie in his words. Zein did feel that in the past, so many times, for so many years. Oh, how he agonized over the candy wrapper, how he wished he kept all the candies for himself, rather than sharing them with the twins. He could get a nice small bowl of warm soup for himself if he didn’t use his daily pay to buy a whole loaf of bread to feed three people. He could save some money to go to the safer zone if he didn’t have to pay for school and books and uniforms...

How many nights did he spend thinking of running away, leaving the kids to their own devices? How many times had he packed his belonging and reached the border, thinking of jumping over the fence? How many times he thought he hated them?

It wasn’t just once or twice, that was for sure.

How could he even think that he was a good brother? He never smiled like that boy, sweetly and affectionately, to the twins. He scolded them, pinched them to stop them from crying, spitting cold words...

Inside that darkness, when he cried alone, Zein wondered if their death was caused by his bad thought. Because he thought they were a burden, and so life took them away from him.

Inside that darkness, he wondered if it was his fault.

"But did you really leave them?"

Zein stopped his sneer, turning his head to look at Bassena, who spoke with a smile in his warm amber eyes.

"Did you really run away?"

It wasn’t a question that needed to be answered, because they both know that Zein never did such a thing. Even after his duty ended, Zein didn’t run away to the safer zone. He came to a worse place instead, as if trying to atone.

"Zein, I think you put too little credit on yourself," Bassena leaned his back to the couch, sighing. "So what if you think they’re annoying and a burden? Are you a Saint? An Angel? You were a kid yourself, weren’t you? You also needed to be taken care of. Isn’t that just normal?"

Without giving Zein time to respond, Bassena already continued with a rather annoyed tone. "You have a weird way of thinking, you know. Do you think anyone would think any differently if they were given two kids to take care of? If it was me, if it was Shin, or Joon, or Radia...do you think we wouldn’t have that kind of thought too?"

Bassena turned to look at the stupefied Zein, who really seemed like he never thought about it that way. So the esper just continued. "Hell--how many people in this world do you think would even think of taking care of two kids, out of nowhere, just because they were dropped in front of them? I bet most would just give them to an orphanage...if not worse,"

The esper smiled then, as Zein blinked and tried to digest the things his heavy, burdened mind never thought of. "A pure-hearted, kind person who is always selfless is amazing," the amber eyes gazed at Zein deeply, "But I think, having that kind of thought--about it being hard, being a burden--but still decided to carry through..." he took the guide’s hand again, holding it tight to make sure his words got across. "That is more amazing for me."

The blue eyes, which were stunned for a while back, started to shake a little bit. "You’re amazing, Zein," Bassena whispered firmly. "You’re way better than many other brothers in the world."

He didn’t need to smile sweetly, or offered warm words. But he was there, no matter what. Their protectors until the end. "It’s time to stop being too hard on yourself,"

Bassena leaned closer, smiling at the flickering blue eyes. "Here, you deserve the special edition chocolate,"

Suddenly, the esper pushed a chocolate cube inside Zein’s mouth, who blinked as the sweet melted on his tongue.

"They only give me one, so savor it--"

"Cough! What is--" Zein clasped a hand over his mouth, coughing at the sudden intrusion and prompting Bassena to react in panic.

"Huh--What? Wha--"

Without warning, Zein grasped the esper’s face and pressed his mouth there, transferring the chocolate to Bassena. The guide pulled away then, taking the glass of water from the table and gulped them down while the esper savored the chocolate in a daze.

And coughed.

"It has--pfft--chili...ahahaha!" the glass of water slammed to the table as Zein laughed until his shoulder shook. Beside him, the esper still coughing, slapping the guide’s arm for help.

"I can’t...spicy things..."

The bell-like laughter got louder as Zein passed the glass of water to the hacking esper. It took a while until the chocolate was completely gone and the stinging on their tongue dissipated.

Leaning back with panted breath, Bassena looked at Zein with a tired smile. "As long as you’re happy, I guess," he said, to another sound of laughter.

Well, at least, the joyful vibe brought by the sudden laughter lasted until the evening, when they came back to the dorm. Bassena leaned into the doorframe and smiled in satisfaction at Zein’s brighter complexion.

"Was it fun, today?" he asked as a farewell, holding back from asking for a kiss. He didn’t want to risk dissolving the nice vibe.

"Mm," Zein answered simply, holding into the door. There was a bag filled with some chocolates and jellies, as well as a whole jar of round candies in glittering wrappers in the foyer--traces of their fun time.

"I’m glad," Bassena pulled away from the entrance, smiling gleefully. "Don’t eat them too much at once, sleep we--"

The words died in the esper’s mouth when Zein touched his face gently, leaned closer, and planted a kiss on his cheek. And if that wasn’t enough to make his lung stop functioning, Zein gave him a smile.

The soft, genuine smile that reached all the way to the blue eyes, curling and glowing prettily under the dim light of the foyer.

"Thank you," the beautiful voice grazed him softly, with one last gentle stroke on his cheek, before the guide disappeared behind the door.

It took Bassena a whole minute to wake up from his stun, before slumping down into the floor.

Bassena Vaski, the untouchable adonis of the Eastern Federation, was crouching in front of his crush’s door, blushing profusely from a single kiss on his cheek.

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