There's No Love In the Deathzone (BL)
Chapter 673: Side Story 3. Stellar Blossom - 8

Chapter 673: Side Story 3. Stellar Blossom - 8

When Radia and Shin arrived at the hospital ward, Han Joon had already in the middle of changing, sitting at the edge of the bed. From how he casually wore his shirt and the absence of any tube from his body, it was as if he had just come to the hospital for his monthly check-up.

"Hyung!" Han Shin burst into the room, but Bassena held the healer’s arm, pulling him to the side and silently pointed at Radia with his chin. "Ah..."

Pressing his lips, Han Shin held back from running to his older brother. He knew he was no longer his brother’s priority, and he had been learning to accept it and gave more space to them. Wasn’t that why he decided to move out of Althrea? It was just hard doing it when his brother’s life was in danger.

Reina gently held his hand, patting his arm as Han Shin let out a heavy sigh.

"Darling," Han Joon, meanwhile, smiled charmingly as his husband arrived in front of him. Since he was still sitting on the bed, he had to look up to see Radia. The way the crimson eyes looked at him coldly was a sensation that gave him a slight thrill. Just from that, he knew that Radia finally found out what happened to his body. "You look like you want to slap me."

"I do."

The answer was short and curt. Not something people might say to someone in a hospital bed, but Han Joon already expected it. "I won’t avoid it," he replied with an unchanging smile that he knew would only infuriate his darling.

"Later," Radia managed to turn his boiling anger into a cold fury. "But I think you owe us an explanation first."

Han Joon glanced at his trembling little brother and smiled wryly. "I guess."

Where should he start, though? They must have already found out about his condition--at least Radia and Shin, who came with the doctor. Then...they must have been interested in the ’why’, which was rather more complicated to explain unless they could live in his world and his mind.

"I realized my body was not in a normal condition when I changed physician to Doctor Ma," Radia turned toward the doctor, who was sighing at the door. "But it didn’t hinder my life, so I didn’t think it was important."

The crimson eyes flashed. "Do you still think it’s not important?"

"Hmm...well, I guess it is since I’m collapsed like this," he said with a smile that compeletly disregarding the severity of the situation. "I thought I could take it until I found a cure, but..."

"So you’re planning to hide it until the end?" the crimson eyes narrowed.

"Well...I was looking for a cure, and I thought I’d get better in the end," Han Joon shrugged, and then paused. He looked at swirling of emotions inside the crimson eyes and smiled faintly. "Honestly, I was planning to tell you if this one did not yield results--around next month. But I guess it doesn’t matter now."

"It fucking doesn’t."

It was frustrating that Han Joon knew that what he was doing could upset others and yet he still did it. But it was even more infuriating that he still acted like he was fine. As if what he had was a simple cold and not something that could kill him.

"Why..." Han Shin, who had held himself to the limit, opened his trembling lips. "Why do you think you have to hide it, hyung?" the reddened eyes could barely hold back the tears of guilt from spilling out. "Weren’t you...weren’t you in pain? The doctor said you’ve been feeling pain since your childhood...why..."

Why was he still acting like everything was fine?

"Haha," Han Joon let out a hollow laugh; the black eyes looked empty for a second. "I didn’t know the difference."

"...what?"

This time, even the doctor got surprised.

"My body being in pain is just...a daily occurrence," the man shrugged. "It is my normal."

That statement, uttered with such normalcy as mundane as the weather, cut their heart like a knife and quelled the disappointment. They had been given an image of a tough, reliable soldier who always stood tall and was more put-together than anyone. But before that man, there was a child who was not allowed to cry when he was hurt. There was a child who grew up enduring the pain he felt.

How could a child endure such abuse? By numbing it. Bassena knew how it felt. Zein experienced it for decades. And Han Joon...Han Joon had endured it since he was a baby. Even as a baby, he learned that his father would get upset and hit his mother if he cried. Baby Joon was used to his older sister pressing his mouth to muffle the noises he made.

He didn’t know. How could he knew there was something wrong with his body if he had been enduring such pain before he knew what ’pain’ was?

So what if he experience blindness sometimes? So what if he had noseblood? He had to endure dislocated joints and lacerations from his father’s belt all the time. If anything...this pain that only came sometimes was better than the continuous pain he experienced before he received his license.

Hell. What he had to endure in military boot camp was better than that.

That reality, away from any eyes--even Radia and Han Shin--woke them up. There was still a lot--a lot they didn’t know, and couldn’t understand, about Han Joon.

"I’m...I’m sorry..."

"Why are you apologizing?" Han Joon chuckled, getting up from the bed. "Anyway, I feel fine now."

"What do you mean fine?! You clearly--"

"Staying here won’t change anything," Han Joon stroked his husband’s cheek, who clearly had started to lose his cool. "Let’s just go home. My nephews would be worried."

"You--"

"I’ll let you scold me however you like back home, darling," Han Joon smiled gently. "Hmm?"

Radia clenched his jaw and smacked the cold hand away, before turning around and walked out of the room. That was all he could do to prevent himself from making a scene, and Han Joon couldn’t help but smile at the back of his upset darling.

Reina tactfully pulled Han Shin away to follow Radia, before more scenes could happen. Bassena looked at Han Joon closely, brows knitted deep into a frown.

"Are you really..."

"I’m fine," Han Joon repeated, putting on a light coat he took out of his storage ring. "Even if I don’t, there’s nothing the hospital could do other than the usual thing.

He glanced at his doctor, who could only sighed once again before telling him to get himself checked again next week.

"Haa..." Bassena followed Han Joon out while shaking his head. "I can’t defend you on this one."

"I’m ready for that."

Hearing that nonchalant reply, Bassena let out a sigh once again.

* * *

"Look at your swollen faces, mm? Did you cry a lot?" Han Joon leaned down to show his face to the twins, who were already up and waiting for them in the living room. "I’m fine now, you can touch me."

Asa curiously poked the cold cheek with his fingers, before pinching the nose--probably to check if it would bleed again. Han Joon chuckled and tilted his head. "See? It’s fine."

In contrast, Kar, who was usually clinging to his favorite uncle, turned around and buried his face in Zein’s shoulder, hugging his father’s neck tightly.

"Kar is always upset when he sees someone sick," Zein patted the older twin’s back. "He won’t want to get near you for a while."

"Haha," Han Joon chuckled and straightened his back. "I guess I can’t deceive children."

The sound of footsteps climbing the stairs shifted their attention. Radia, ignoring everything and everyone, just returned to their living quarter on the second floor.

"Darling..." Han Joon smiled helplessly.

"We’ll let you talk," Bassena said while moving Asa to his other hand so he could pull Han Shin with another. "Let’s go."

"Hyung..."

Reina smiled wryly and pulled the healer’s other hand. "Let’s go, Shin."

"But--"

"We’ll still be in the same building," Zein patted the healer’s head, whose eyes couldn’t move away from his older brother’s figure climbing the stairs while waving at them. "Just talk to him tomorrow, okay?"

With heavy steps, they went to follow the butler to the other wing where they would stay for the night, leaving the couple who obviously had a lot of things to talk about.

Han Joon had no idea if his husband wanted to talk, though. Radia was staring quietly at the darkening world outside the window. The dim light of the room cast a shadow that seemed to create a fence between them.

Of course, it was Han Joon’s specialty to break that fence.

"Darling," he stepped out of the shadow and stood behind Radia. "Would you like to slap me now?"

"Shut up!"

Radia turned around, shedding all pretense. There was no use of keeping his calm in this place where only the two of them were left. His face was crumpled as his fury exploded.

"Do you think I’m a clown?!" he threw his cardigan to the floor, raising his hand in front of the calm black eyes. "Do you think this ring is a toy?! Do you think this scar is a joke?!"

Han Joon stared at the thin line across Radia’s neck, repressing the temptation for a smile. "No."

"Then why are you acting like it is? Huh?!" Radia pushed the approaching shoulder away, feeling the guilt flowing through his arm as he did so. "Are you planning to laugh after you drop dead without me even knowing everything?!"

He looked up, with all the pain and feat he felt when he saw Han Joon collapsed helplessly to the floor. "I am your husband! I have the right to know about your well-being!"

"Yes, you are."

Slap!

Radia clenched the slapping hand, stopping it from trembling as he hissed. "Don’t say things you don’t mean!"

"I mean it."

"Then why?!" Radia screamed, something he never did before. "For fuck’s sake, Joon...why?"

Radia felt tired. Just like all those time he waited for Han Joon without knowing anything. Must he, after all this time, go through that again?

"I just don’t think it’ll get this ba--"

"Don’t lie!"

Radia pushed his husband back, glaring at the man. If Joon really didn’t think it was important, he would nonchalantly tell Radia about it instead of hiding it. Radia realized he didn’t know everything about his husband, but at the very least, he was sure about this.

Looking into those hurt crimson eyes, Han Joon could no longer see any path escaping it. Swallowing his sigh, he spoke reluctantly. "I don’t want to burden you."

"...what?" Radia looked at the man incredulously.

"Because I know you’ll blame yourself."

"So it’s my fault now?!"

"You think so," Han Joon stepped forward, so close he could see his own reflection in those glazed crimson eyes. "Don’t you?"

Han Joon caressed the trembling cheek. The tears dripping silently from the widening eyes were enough proof.

"But how could it be, darling? It’s not your fault," he cupped the wet cheeks gently, stroking the red hair that was uncharacteristically messy. "It is my choice to do this, and it is their fault to make you a target. You can’t blame yourself, no matter what."

"...fuck," Radia bit his trembling lips; voice receding into nothing but a pained whisper. "You..."

Han Joon smiled and pulled his darling into a tight embrace. He needed nothing but the warmth of his darling, so he would take it even if Radia slap him, or hit him with a weak fist like now.

"You’re always like this..."

Radia muttered hoarsely, weakly--as weakly as his frustrated fist hitting Joon’s shoulder.

"You always think you have to burden everything alone!" he choked by the hot lump in his throat. "Be it Shin or me...why do you always think you have to sacrifice yourself for our sake?!"

Han Joon raised his brow and tightened his embrace, laughing softly. "What kind of question is that?"

Radia clenched his teeth as tears that he had been holding back flowed endlessly in silence. Because he knew the answer to that, and there was nothing he could say to refute it.

"Of course, I should sacrifice myself to protect what is precious to me," Han Joon said in a low voice, like a knight’s pledge to their charge.

It was a pledge he made to himself. To never, ever, lose what was precious to him.

Even if he had to destroy himself while doing so.

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