There's No Love In the Deathzone (BL)
Chapter 626: Side Story 1. The Twilight Zone - 8

Chapter 626: Side Story 1. The Twilight Zone - 8

Not long before, Zein was running abruptly with a pale face. But this time, the guide had regained his complexion with the help of warm lime ginger tea and the supplement that the doctor gave him.

The one with a pale complexion, instead, was Bassena.

"Bas?" Zein tapped on the esper’s hand, and only then did Bassena stir.

"...oh," Bassena flinched slightly, sounding like he was in a daze. "Huh?"

It was clear to the others that Bassena wasn’t in his usual headspace, and they weren’t so dull to stay around.

"We are forgetting the barbecue," Ludya spoke calmly while rising from her seat. "Let’s go eat them now, it’ll be a waste otherwise."

"Y-yes! Let’s!" Raina clapped her hands and made a cheery sound while pulling Han Shin--who did not forget to snatch the plate of grilled food--outside to resume the birthday party.

Soon, it was only Zein and Bassena there. The esper was still staring blankly at the empty space, so Zein did not bother to call his name again. Instead, he turned toward the butler who, for whatever reason, stayed behind.

"Can I borrow an empty room?" he asked the butler. "A quiet one."

"I shall bring you to the ante-library, Sir."

Zein paused--the place was truly made for quiet conversation, but it was also a room that Ludya frequently used, so he wasn’t sure if it would be right for them.

Seeing the guide’s expression, the butler merely let out a benign smile. "The Madam conveyed that you may use the room should you need so."

For free? Huh...this grandma had become quite generous--Zein thought with a smile. "Then,"

The butler bowed politely and gestured toward the hallway. It was quite deep inside, but the journey gave ample time for Bassena to finally surface from wherever he had been drowning himself in. By the time they reached the place and the door softly closed behind them, Zein didn’t have to call out to the esper repeatedly.

But he also did not let go of Bassena’s hand.

Still holding the clammy palm of his fiance, Zein looked at the pair of amber and spoke sincerely. "I’m sorry."

Naturally, Bassena was perplexed.

"W-what? Why are you apologizing?"

Contrary to the tight hold on Bassena’s hand, Zein’s gaze was soft as he looked at the flustered esper. "I know you don’t want any kids."

"T-that’s..."

Bassena flinched--his instinct was to automatically deny such notions, thinking it might hurt Zein’s feelings. But he couldn’t, because Zein knew the answer from their conversation at the hospital, and lying would only hurt the guide more.

So he pressed his lips and lowered his gaze, agonizing between the fear he couldn’t overcome and the frustration of hurting the love of his life.

Looking at the shrinking esper, Zein sighed inwardly. He didn’t feel disappointed--truly, he felt apologetic. "While I also didn’t know this would happen, thinking back, I was constantly making a move on you," Zein said.

Again, he remembered how he had been acting after the proposal. It didn’t matter before since they always ended up devouring each other, but now that Zein thought about it, he was always the one initiating the moment.

"I was the one who kept insisting on doing it without protection, and demanding you to come inside," Zein smiled wryly.

Retracing back to those moments, Zein couldn’t help but grimace. He recalled back at how he persistently kept his destroyed womb inside his body even after knowing it was dangerous. Was it an inkling or some kind of hope?

Perhaps, subconsciously, Zein had always hoped to build his own family.

Different from Bassena, who was raised in a dysfunctional one and thus terrified of the idea of having one, Zein had no ’family’ but was able to build it. That man, who was probably dead in a ditch somewhere already, never seemed like a father to him. He always had an inkling that he wasn’t that man’s child. But when the twins were thrown into his care, Zein did not shirk away.

Perhaps he wanted to prove that he was a better human than that piece of trash who sold him for merely five thousand credits. Or, perhaps he longed for a family that others had, which drove him to build one with the twins despite doubting their biological relation.

And thus, despite the harsh circumstances, Zein managed to build a little happy family with the twins.

That feeling was broken when the twins died, but unknowingly reignited when Bassena came into his life as a guarantee of a brighter future.

Still, no matter how Zein felt about it, a family could not be built by one person. He couldn’t just ignore Bassena’s feelings just because he was fine with it.

So he truly felt apologetic. "I’m sorry," he said softly, stroking the side of Bassena’s head.

He kind of understood why Bassena was so frantic after imprinting him before. This too...kind of felt like happening without Bassena’s consent, after all.

But Bassena, flustered, shook his head strongly. "No! Please, don’t...don’t apologize," he bit his cheek, grabbing the hand that was stroking his head. "It’s not your fault--it’s not a fault, for that matter. I just..."

Bassena gritted his teeth, confused about the many emotions swirling inside his head.

"You’re just not happy about it."

"No!" Bassena replied swiftly. He leaned back against the bookcase and closed his eyes. "I don’t know, it’s..." he sighed deeply and opened them again. "It’s very abrupt. I need...time, to digest it."

Zein observed Bassena’s face for a while. The amber eyes were like a swirling inferno, filled with confusion. It seemed like the esper truly had no idea what he really felt about this matter. Zein didn’t blame him--a matter of another life wasn’t something to be carried lightly after all.

"Okay," he nodded. Still, Zein wanted to make his stance clear. "I’m just going to say in advance that I’ll keep the baby."

"What?" Bassena was startled and straightened his back right away. "Of course, we’ll keep the baby! What are you talking about?!"

"...huh?"

Zein blinked at the agitation in the esper’s eyes. A sudden shift and...was that anger?

"I never thought for a second about termination--who do you think I am?!"

Again, Zein could only blink. "Oh..."

Bassena raised his hands to cover his eyes and let out a long, exasperated sigh. "Haa..." he exhaled heavily and lowered his hands, staring at the decorated ceiling. "I don’t...it’s not like I hate the idea--well, I did, because I thought you keeping a damaged womb would endanger your life--but that’s not the case anymore, so--"

Zein raised his brow. This time, the confused one eas him. But it seemed like Bassena slowly settling the jumbled emotions in his head, so Zein waited while listening keenly.

"I don’t...hate the idea," Bassena repeated, slowly bringing his gaze down. "I’m just...still not sure that I would be a good parent for the baby."

Right--all of Bassena’s aversion to having kids stemmed from the fear he had of himself, of his past. Of course, he also hated the idea of putting Zein’s life in danger through pregnancy. And everything was so...

So endearing.

Zein let out an exasperated sigh before pulling Bassens for an embrace, cradling the platinum head lovingly. "Ah, why are you so adorable?"

Bassena did not expect such a reaction, but...he gripped the guide’s waist and buried his face in Zein’s shoulder. The guide stroked his head with affection, and it drove Bassena to open up more.

"Zein..."

"Mm?"

"Honestly, I’m terrified."

It was a confession uttered in a soft whisper, and Zein kissed the top of the esper’s head gently. "I know," he replied assuringly.

"I know I’m not good at managing my emotions, and I still have some unresolved trauma," Bassena gripped the guide’s waist tighter. "No matter how much I think about it, I still don’t think I’ll be a good father."

He pulled slightly and moved his hand, stroking the guide’s abdomen. "This..."

With trembling fingers, he caressed the flat stomach. With a trembling voice, he whispered. "This is so precious," Bassena bit his lips. "I’m worried I might break it in the future."

Zein watched the way Bassena’s fingers hovered over his stomach as if it were made of glass that could break with a simple touch. Honestly though, with how strong Bassena was and how Zein could no longer protect himself with mana...that fear wasn’t out of bounds.

But Zein needed to remind his future husband something. "Bas,"

"...yeah?"

"You’re not the only one who will become a parent."

Bassena paused his hands and blinked stupidly. "Oh..."

Zein flicked the esper’s forehead, before cupping the bewildered face. "I’ll help you," he chuckled. "Let’s help each other. Let’s ask for help from other parents."

"Help..."

"You’re the one who made me realize it’s okay to rely on others, so...why don’t we?" Zein shrugged.

"...right," the amber eyes flickered; the tangled confusion was starting to unravel. "Yeah...yeah, I’ll...I’ll study!"

Huh, suddenly enthusiastic? Zein tilted his head at the new fire blazing in the esper’s eyes.

"I’ll study hard so you won’t have to bear the burden alone!"

"No."

Zein flicked the esper’s forehead--hard this time.

"It’s not a burden, silly," he rolled his eyes at the flabbergasted esper, before chuckling softly. "It’s a blessing."

Bassena bit his trembling lips, but decided to stop the tremble with a kiss instead; one that was filled with affection and gratitude. He would never forget the smiling face under the golden light streaming into the small library that he saw when their lips parted.

"I think we can start by asking Calix and Lauren," Zein said with an amused chuckle. "On that note, we should return to the barbecue."

"Uhh...will you be alright?"

Zein wasn’t repulsed by the meat, so he was confident as long as he stayed away from the seafood. And then, it dawned on him.

"...agh, fuck--I won’t be able to eat seafood while I’m pregnant?!"

"Zein!" Bassena hissed, glancing at the guide’s belly. "Language!"

The guide stopped for a few seconds before raising his brow. "Heh,"

"What?"

"Seems like you’re already a better father than I am," Zein smirked, gleefully pinching the esper’s blushing cheek. "Alright, let’s get back to the family, cutie pie."

"Nngh--" Bassena groaned and followed Zein to the exit, only to freeze before the door. "Wait...did you just say ’family’?"

"Yeah, why?"

"...are you forgetting we have another set of family we need to inform about this?" Bassena gulped.

"Ah, fu--"

Before Zein could let out another curse, Bassena had already clasped his mouth.

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