There's No Love In the Deathzone (BL)
Chapter 616 - 610. I want to live

Chapter 616: Chapter 610. I want to live

"Can I have a pat too?" Bassena asked, placing his hand lightly on the guide’s waist.

Zein leaned back against the firm chest and tilted his head up, staring at the twinkling amber eyes. "What about a kiss?"

"Even better," Bassena chuckled and leaned down, welcoming the hand caressing his hair and a pair of lips smiling against his.

The guides scampered away while giggling, leaving their Captain frolicking away with his esper. His only esper. But since they were still in the open, they kept it chaste and public-friendly; soft and brief, just enough to satiate a little longing.

Hand-in-hand, they walked along the lakeside, which was no longer bordered by the wall of trees. An empty valley with green fields and sparkling rivers reminded them of the view they could see from the hill where Bassena’s mother lay. It was rather melancholic, savoring the sight of their hard work, basking in natural light instead of the one coming from the beacon.

And yet, the hand holding Zein’s was clammy, and the pair of amber kept staring at the ground instead of enjoying the view.

"I’m sorry..."

What is this again? Zein halted his steps and turned to look at the frowning esper. "Haven’t we talked about this?"

After picking up the last shard, they talked about how Zein did not mind the imprinting and that Bassena shouldn’t feel guilty or feel like he forced Zein into the bond. Zein had thought they were over this, and Bassena didn’t dwell on it again--or so he thought.

Was it something he said during the short interview?

"I know we did, but when I heard your announcement..."

Ah, so it was indeed about his retirement. But why would that make Bassena--someone who once wanted to make Zein his exclusive guide--feel apologetic?

"You were...I know you were just starting to enjoy guiding," Bassena said with clenched jaws, holding tightly into the guide’s hand. "Not for a means of survival or a job, but a sense of self. I could see it you know; I’ve been observing you from the closest place."

Ah...Zein could not refute that because it was true. The sense of purpose for being born in this world, for staying alive out of all people who had died. The sense of purpose outside the fact that he carried the seed of Setnath. He felt all of that during this hard journey in the Deathzone.

"So I couldn’t help it," the frown was getting deeper between the esper’s brows. "I feel like...I robbed that from you by binding you to me like this."

Although they had talked about imprinting after everything was over, that ’after’ was such a loose term that they had never talked about in detail before. ’After’ could mean right away, but could also mean five years in the future.

What if Zein wanted to pursue that sense of self for a while first? Bassena couldn’t help but think about that, because, for him, Zein’s happiness took precedence over his own.

And Zein could see that, which was why he could only swallow his sigh.

He turned to face Bassena and tilted his head. "Don’t be so full of yourself, Bassena Vaski."

Bassena flinched and finally raised his head, only to receive a mean flick on his forehead. There was no mana in those fingers, so it was barely tickling him, but the mental offset was greater than any punch.

The blue eyes pierced him sharply. "Don’t demean my agency by assuming what I want and what I don’t want."

"That’s not--" Bassena bit his lips to stop himself from talking. "I’m sorry..."

Zein sighed and rubbed the place he just flicked, even though there was barely any trace. "When you were fighting the Fallen Star..."

Bassena blinked at the sudden shift of tone.

"Every time I couldn’t see you because of some kind of obstacle, I kept thinking to myself," Zein said softly, brushing the fringe that was getting longer. "’Ah, if only we’re imprinted, I’ll be able to know your corrosion level even if I can’t see you’."

Bassena blinked slowly as the words digested in his head shooting straight into his heart.

"And I kept thinking about that, even while knowing I still had to guide a lot of people in that fight," Zein smiled lightly, thinking back to that dire time. It was still fresh in his mind since for him, it only happened four days ago.

As the guide stroked his cheek with affection, Bassena could only tremble in silence; eyes flickering in disbelief. Or rather, he was afraid to believe it was all real.

"So you see, I had been ready for it," Zein chuckled at the mix of surprise and hesitation in Bassena’s stunned face. "Maybe I would have preffered to have it in a more proper way--a calmer way, so I could properly savor the sense of being imprinted by someone I attached to. But..." he scoffed, "...things rarely go the way we want anyway."

Bassena bit his lips again, staring at Zein’s face instead of the ground. Just looking at that light smile and the soft curve of the blue eyes, he could tell that it wasn’t something that the guide would say just to console him.

It was genuine. It was what Zein had been feeling.

"If I haven’t made it clear enough, I’m glad you did it," the stroking hands stopped and lightly squeezed the esper’s cheeks. Looking at the pair of shaking amber, the blue gaze was firm and resolute. "Do you know what I was thinking about when I saw you while lying there with a hole in my chest? ’I want to live’, I thought. I want to live with him for a long time."

This time, Bassena could no longer hold back from trembling. "Really?"

"Do I look like I’m lying right now?"

"No," Bassena shook his head swiftly, before covering Zein’s hands with his own. "But really?"

Haa...this silly, adorable fool.

"Yes," Zein smiled amusedly but also...fondly. He rubbed the three scales beneath Bassena’s eyes, which were no longer shining. "So I don’t regret it, except for the fact that you lost all of your second chances."

And that scar above his brow, which Zein secretly liked. He was rather disappointed knowing it was gone, as well as the one all over his own body, because Zein treated them like a badge of honor. Traces of his experience in life, bitter as they might be.

"Ah, don’t worry about it, I’ll ask for something on my next re-trial," Bassena took a deep breath, feeling the anxiety and guilt exuviating from his heart. A smile finally formed across his lips. "Since I finished the mission given to me, shouldn’t I receive some kind of reward?"

"What if allowing me to get healed was the reward?"

"Hah! Then I’ll keep calling that old snake stingy until He relented," Bassena sneered as if he wasn’t just trembling a minute ago. He even added cheekily. "Hmm...or I can move to another Tower--I heard the Tower of Loki is pretty go--ouch"

Zein blinked as Bassena suddenly winced and held his neck as if something just stung him. But the esper was smirking right after. "Heh--see? He’s reacting."

Pfft--Zein laughed and any tension left between them dissipated with it. Grinning sheepishly, Bassena took the guide’s hand again and resumed their leisure walk. With the hanging cloud disappearing from their head, they can fully enjoy the peaceful time now.

"Honestly...I was also glad I did it," Bassena muttered as he looked at the bright sky. "I did not regret using the blessing or keeping you alive. Even if you ended up hating me, I would make the same choice over and over again," he glanced at Zein and added wryly. "I just feel sorry about you retiring."

"Hmm...if anything, it’s probably the right timing," Zein shrugged.

"Huh?"

"Didn’t I tell you that I’d lose my power?"

"Well, yes..."

Zein had told him right after telling Radia back then. From what he understood, it would mean the guide no longer had the ability to wield mana. He couldn’t even open any storage ring that used mana for activation. Bassena would never say it, but...he was secretly glad and hoped it would keep Zein from doing reckless things and relying on others more.

Zein looked down to see inside his own system. "It means my absorbing capacity would be cut by half."

"Ah..."

"Just managing you will keep me full. I might even need to do it in batches from now on."

Bassena slowed down their pace and tilted his head. "Hmm, I don’t think that would be the case, though?" he stopped and gently held Zein’s waist, leaning down to whisper. "Don’t you remember that we’re imprinted now?"

Ah...

It was Zein’s turn to blink in realization, before chuckling and pulling the esper down for a short kiss. Since the Second Skin of Immortality also erased all the corrosion in Bassena’s system, there had been no need to practice any guiding. Both of them had no idea how much the guiding would improve, but legend said it could be twice more efficient depending on how strong their bond was.

And if experiencing life and death together could not maximize it, what else could?

Zein smiled in relief. It was one of his last worries, thinking about guiding Bassena’s massive system with only his original vessel--and it had been solved splendidly. Or rather, it had never been a problem in the first place.

"Hmm...if there’s something I regret..." Zein tilted his head and narrowed his eyes at the esper.

Bassena flinched. "Y-yes?"

"It’s the fact I won’t be able to push your head to the wall if you annoy me again."

He couldn’t even leave any trace with his flick. Zein vowed to hit the gym again once they were back in Althrea. Hmm...perhaps he should call Han Joon and ask for personal hand-to-hand combat training.

Looking at Zein’s suspicious contemplating face, Bassena gasped and clutched his chest. "I do not condone this penchant for domestic violence, Sir Luzein!"

"Ah?" Zein rubbed his lips. "I guess it’s wrong even though you got hard from it."

"Gasp! ’tis a slander!" Bassena clasped his mouth dramatically. "Although this one does not mind being pushed to the be--mmph?"

Zein stared into the blinking amber eyes as he caught the mischievous lips with his own; this time harder and more risky than before. "I guess you’re fine now if you can spout this kind of bullshit."

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