There's No Love In the Deathzone (BL)
Chapter 560 - 554. A Path of Thorns and Roses

Chapter 560: Chapter 554. A Path of Thorns and Roses

"How could you leave him like that when you love him that much?"

Before realizing it, Bassena had already blurted what he only meant to say inside his head. He blinked and raised his head, lips parted to say something to fix it...

But he closed his lips again. Since he already said it anyway, they better talk about it. Perhaps, the uncomfortable knot in his heart could unravel then. Or, at the very least, he might find out what he felt about Han Joon’s true face.

"I mean...I know why you did it, but..." Bassena followed with a strained voice, staring down at the clear water below. "I wished, at least, you’d tell someone near Radia..."

"Like you?" Han Joon smiled, putting the last stroke in his sketch.

Bassena did not answer, but both of them knew what he wanted to say.

"Has it occurred to you that I want to be his sole hero?"

Bassena turned his head fast with widened eyes. "What?"

It was obvious that such a thing never occurred to him. He was so flabbergasted at the notion that Han Joon felt bad about it.

About shattering his well-crafted illusion.

He chuckled. "The real reason is that I can’t be sure you knowing it wouldn’t trigger the system caution, and...well, you were still with your old guild."

Bassena pressed his lips. Well, that made sense. And, if they looked back, the Vaskis did have something to do with that system--albeit merely as the Horin’s dogs. Still...

"After--"

"Afterward, you were just too...stood out."

"Oh..."

Bassena closed his eyes and exhaled slowly. Well, at least he found the answer as to why Han Joon did not include him. It wasn’t a matter of trust or whether or not Bassena was good enough.

"But even if I think you can help, what I said earlier was true too," Han Joon continued, and the knot in Bassena’s chest, which had started loosening, was getting tight again.

He turned his head with a frown, staring at the man who relaxedly flipped his notebook to add notes to the newest sketch. Zein did tell him that Han Joon’s feelings for Radia were very intense, but he never thought it would be this much. But the way the man went about it felt ridiculous to Bassena.

"You knew he was hurting, didn’t you?" he said with a clenched jaw. "He changed so much after you were gone. He was stressed out every time he couldn’t get ahold of your news, he..." Bassena recalled what he saw in those crimson eyes when Joon disappeared without a trace. "He was in pain."

"I know," the answer came with a dry voice. "I watched him all the time."

"But you still did it?" Bassena snapped coldly. "Even though you can die anytime and everything will be over without him knowing anything?"

"Yes."

Was it the lack of remorse, or the relaxed tone? Bassena was so flabbergasted at the definite answer that he couldn’t bring himself to say anything more, just staring at the man incredulously. Han Joon closed his notebook and put it inside his jacket, before looking at Bassena with a subtle smile.

"Do you want me to say I regret it? That I feel sorry?" he asked with a hint of laughter in his voice. "Do you expect me to say that I’ll do it differently if I turn back time?"

Bassena pressed his lips. Perhaps. Perhaps he wanted to hear that. That felt more like the Han Joon that he knew from his childhood days.

"No, I don’t regret any of it," the black eyes were steady, and Bassena knew the man meant every word that he said. "I’ll do it again many times more if I have to."

Bassena averted his gaze, perhaps because he didn’t want the illusion to shatter even more. "...isn’t that...selfish?"

All this time, in his head, Han Joon was the most selfless person he knew. Taking care of an unruly child like him, raising Han Shin by himself, fighting against an accursed system alone...

But that person readily admitted.

"It is," Han Joon said without any hint of deflection, which surprised Bassena. "Everything I do, I do it for myself; taking care of Shin, teaching you, destroying [Kronos], killing Han Gyeong--" he paused for a bit, clenching his jaw just for a split second. "I did what I had to do to get what I wanted."

"...including coming here?" Bassena frowned.

"It would be good for him if the operation finished quickly," the man shrugged.

"So the process doesn’t matter as long as you obtain your goal?"

"It doesn’t for me."

Was it because the admittance was so straightforward? Bassena found that he didn’t feel angry, just...confused.

"I..." after a few seconds of silence, Han Joon spoke again. This time, however, his voice was softer and more strained. "Have lost almost all I treasured in this world."

It was something that Bassena could relate to, and the bitterness seeped into his heart.

"Only him...I will not let anything take him away from me," even from the side, the fierceness in those black eyes could be felt. "Even Radia himself."

Bassena felt an eerie shudder on his nape.

"All I ever want in my life is Radia," Han Joon continued, staring into the darkness of the tunnel as if he could see the face of his beloved there. "I had loved him before I knew what love was; I had desired him before I knew I was allowed to desire something."

Bassena remembered Zein’s word again; intense. As the shard below surfed between their rocks, the light illuminated the ex-soldier face, and Bassena could see the scar on the man’s neck. The scar which, after he knew the story, was very much self-inflicted in a way.

"I can do anything, I can be as dirty as I can to have him," the deep voice went even lower. "Even if I have to hurt him in the process."

"That’s--"

"It’s easy for you, isn’t it?" Han Joon looked at Bassena; his voice eerily cold.

Bassena frowned. "What?"

"You and Zein," Han Joon smirked. "You can forge a bond that can’t be shaken by anything, unlike us."

Bassena’s brows dipped lower as a spark of anger flared. "That doesn’t mean it’s easy!" he spat. "Do you think just because we can forge a bond, it cannot be broken? Do you think just because we have a bond, nothing will be able to tear us apart?" his hand flew to point into the darkness. "We’re looking for the very thing that can destroy everything right now!"

Han Joon smiled. "That’s right."

Bassena paused and blinked; his furious arm hung awkwardly in the air. Belatedly, he realized he had been baited.

Han Joon tilted his head and looked at Bassena with deep eyes. "So why are you acting like you can’t understand me?"

Bassena lowered his arm, blinking slowly as he tried to digest the man’s words.

"In my life, I can’t be considerate, Bas," Han Joon smiled; one that did not reach his eyes. "I don’t want to be considerate. If I think your existence will make me lose Radia, I’ll get rid of you."

Bassena stiffened at the dropping tone and the dryness that spelled honesty. He knew, he could feel it; Han Joon was serious. "You’re..."

"I’m not some decent man," Han Joon smirked at Bassena’s stunned face. "But I know what I want and the extent of what I can do to make it happen," he stared at the shaken amber eyes. "Are you not that kind of person?" he glanced at the shard below and lowered his voice as he smirked. "Even though you said you’ll kill a God for him?"

Bassena stiffened, feeling like so many thoughts and feelings jumbled in his head. He was trying to unravel the knot in his heart, but it became messier instead.

"Do you think things will be that easy? That neither you nor Zein would get hurt because of it?"

"That’s..."

Again, Bassena felt his tongue lose power. In the end, he closed his mouth and pressed his lips tightly, battling with the mess inside himself.

"Look over there," suddenly, Han Joon pointed at the tunnel, where the only thing they could see besides darkness was the stair made of dirt. Bassena tilted his head slightly in confusion, but Han Joon continued without explaining more. "Right now, in your arms, your dearest lover is being poisoned."

Bassena frowned; his body tensed up in reflex just at the forced imagery thought.

"On that stair, there’s an antidote--the only one in the world," Han Joon continued. "To reach that stair, you have to go through the creek, laden with poison. The passage itself is a trap that will try to harm you at every step. You can’t leave him here and get the antidote yourself because it will quickly lose its potency every second; of course, you can’t teleport too."

Slowly, Bassena could see what Han Joon was doing. He looked at his hands; even if he didn’t want to, he couldn’t help the picture of a dying Zein in his arms. Pale, shivering, panting--he saw the exact thing on that day in the ship.

"What will you do?" Han Joon asked. "Will you take him through the painful journey? Or you’ll hesitate, thinking there might be a better method--and he’ll die while you’re doing so?"

Bassena closed his eyes and clenched his fists. Looking at the furrowed brows and the fiery conviction in those amber eyes before they were closed, Han Joon smiled.

"Life is a path full of flowers, but people sometimes forget that flowers have thorns," the man said; a bit softer this time. "One day, when you find yourself in a situation where you need to choose between two awful paths," he stood up, looking straight into the opening eyes. "Remember the answer you make right now."

Bassena shifted his gaze to the tunnel; Han Joon’s imaginary scenario was planted in his mind easily, perhaps because he had been worrying about Zein all the time. He imagined walking through poisonous water or a thorny road, trying to hoist Zein above the water or make sure his beloved wouldn’t touch the painful road, even if...

Even if he had to bear even more pain...

He flicked his gaze to Han Joon, who was about to go back to the tent. They had been talking about how Radia was hurting all this time, but...

"Were you...in pain too?" Bassena asked in a daze of realization.

Perhaps because Han Joon had been talking so nonchalantly about everything, it didn’t quite register in Bassena’s mind. That being said...finding out something was trying to kill the person you love and that your father was a part of it...deciding to get away from that person despite how much you loved them, watching them crying and hurting from afar without being able to give any consolation, knowing he was being hated and risking that person falling for someone else.

The loneliness of doing all that, on top of the physical burden of singlehandedly trying to stop a massive system...

Han Joon smiled subtly. "My feet are not impenetrable."

Even more than Radia, Han Joon probably didn’t want to stay away from the first and only love in his life. But he had to choose, even though all the paths were covered in thorns.

Bassena watched the back of the lonely night star silently, closing his eyes as the messy thread in his heart and mind slowly unraveled.

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