There's No Love In the Deathzone (BL)
Chapter 284 - 277. Sweet Entrapment

Chapter 284: Chapter 277. Sweet Entrapment

[Zein, is the news true?]

On the way to the Guildmaster’s office, Zein suddenly received a video call from someone he did not expect; the Azure twins. The one talking to him was the younger one, but he could hear the voices of two other people in the background.

"Which one?"

There was a lot of news about him these days, so these people needed to be specific with their questioning.

[Oh, about the Saint Candidate—]

[I’m the one who wants to make the call! Get away—] Before the younger twin managed to finish the question, he was already getting shoved to the side, replaced by the beautiful face of his guide. [Zein!]

Xue Ren had been whining in the background because the espers insisted on making the call first. It was a nice surprise hearing the guide seemed to get more vocal, and now that Zein saw him, Ren wasn’t as pale as before. "Have you been going outside more?"

[Yes!] the young guide replied cheerfully. [I’m trying to do it even if they’re not home—ah, but that’s not what I want to talk about]

"I’ve talked with the Goddess and told Her I can’t accept the position," Zein answered the question the younger twin asked earlier.

[Oh, that’s a relief...] Ren sighed while putting his hands over his chest. But he snapped right away, looking at Zein nervously. [Ah, I’m sorry. It’s not that I don’t like it if you became the Saint of Frejya, it’s just...umm...]

Zein raised his brow, patiently waiting for the younger guide to finish his thought while stepping out of the elevator. But in the end, the one who finished it was the older twin.

[Ren just worried he wouldn’t be able to call you as much if you were to be confined in the Northern Lake]

[Uhh...umm...yeah, what he said...] the young guide followed sheepishly.

"Ah..." Zein chuckled at the shy expression on Ren’s face, who didn’t want to lose his first friend. "Well...I have my esper I need to take care of here."

That was all that Zein told him, but as a guide, Ren understood what Zein meant by that. The round eyes got even bigger, and for some reason, Ren looked happier about that than about Zein not staying in Northern Alliance.

"Alright, I’m going to see the Guildmaster, so..."

[Ah, give my regard to him] the older twin said, and after Ren waved his hands adorably as goodbye, the twin ended the call.

"Azure send their regard," Zein said as a greeting the moment he entered the Guildmaster’s office.

"You’re getting close to them," Radia smirked, flicking the ash off his golden needle.

The office was quiet without the usual hustle of the summoned secretary, and Radia was enjoying the silence while lying on the sofa, just staring at the ceiling. "Do you need some guiding?"

"Sure,"

Zein took a seat on the armchair and held the summoner’s outstretched hand, watching the billowing odorless smoke coming out between the red lips. "Everything’s alright?"

"Can’t you see it yourself?"

Since he already got permission anyway, Zein proceeded to look into Radia’s core. Surprisingly, everything looked alright. There was not much change there; still the old swamp and a flower waiting for its star. It didn’t get better than before, but it also didn’t get worse.

It was almost boringly normal, so to speak.

Ah...

"Are you bored?" Zein raised his brow, to which Radia responded with a small smile.

"You know that feeling of getting numb while you’re just waiting?" the summoner replied in a drowsy tone, looking blankly at the empty air.

Indeed, it was three days before the alleged announcement days, and at this point, there was nothing more they could do but wait. They had sent a revised framework with an increased probability of success; they had tried to turn all kinds of troubling rumors and events to their advantage.

Now, all they could do was wait for the result of their years of effort. And of all people, Radia would be the one who was most nervous about the result. Especially because he used to know everything for certain. So, for something that he had no privy to, he would either be so restless or...just numb himself about it.

"You can work or something," Zein shrugged, giving the man serious advice.

It was rather weird for him, seeing Radia who had always moved here and there, jostling from places to places, taking care of both the Mortix and Trinity, to be lying here on the sofa staring blankly into the ceiling. He knew it was good that the busy man could have something resembling a break, but...it felt so weird that Zein almost thought the esper was sick.

Perhaps if he was watching movies or listening to some music instead of laying still and staring at the ceiling, Zein wouldn’t be so weirded out.

At Zein’s serious suggestion, Radia responded with a laugh. "I can’t concentrate," he said, taking a deep drag of the golden needle.

"Funny," Zein muttered, observing the esper’s face carefully. "Joon said you’re always taking too much work if you need a distraction,"

The guide waited for some kind of reaction—a frown, a mocking laughter, a call of his full name with a cold tone...

But Radia’s face became even more...blank. Like he was tired of that topic already. Tired of Han Joon. Was that a bad sign, Zein wondered.

"...ah...I want to fuck,"

Zein blinked at the sudden reply. It was dry, but it was also genuine. Like the man really meant it, but didn’t think he would get some. Just like people dryly said they want to go on a vacation, or they want to be a billionaire while laying on their back.

"Then call him," Zein shrugged.

The response, again, came in a boring tone. "It’s been hard getting through to him,"

"Is he in the base?" Zein wondered curiously. He did hear something about how the soldier in the base was being limited on their access to the link.

"I don’t know," Radia replied nonchalantly. Zein raised his brow—hearing Radia say ’I don’t know’ was as weird as seeing him lying down doing nothing. "I don’t know. He’s the type that can really vanish if he wants to vanish," the man added dryly, raising his fist and opening it up. "Poof!"

Zein leaned back on his seat, tapping his temple as he looked at the esper. It could be because he was tired, but the way Radia talked about it was almost devoid of emotions, as if he was already numb and couldn’t care less about what was happening between him and Han Joon anymore.

It was honestly making Zein frustrated and rather...sad. Perhaps because he had been feeling so much happiness with Bassena, he liked to see other’s relationships going smoothly—just as he was glad hearing Cohen about to get married too, just as he was happy thinking about choosing a gift for Abel.

"You...really have no idea what he has been doing?" Zein asked carefully, trying to gauge the situation.

"No," Radia answered briefly, and for a second, Zein felt the marsh get darker as Radia let out a bitter laugh. "I feel like a clown," he threw the short golden needle into the ashtray, and let out a long exhale of white smoke between his lips. "He told me to wait, and I’m waiting so stupidly like this."

At that point, Zein realized that Radia wasn’t waiting for the announcement of the reclamation project.

"...Why?"

Radia raised his brow and glanced at the blue eyes who were watching him keenly. Again, in a serious tone, Zein asked him.

"Why do you wait?"

This time, Radia raised from his position, sitting comfortably while leaning into the armrest, still with his hand on Zein’s. The crimson eyes, that were staring blankly at the air earlier, now seemed to get some focus. They stared outside the window, conveniently placed in the direction of the military base where Mobius was stationed, with a gaze as soft as the voice coming out between the red lips.

"Because I love him,"

"Even now?"

Radia chuckled and turned to look at the guide, who had an even more serious look now, like someone looking for an answer. "It’s not something like a switch. I can’t stop just because I told myself to stop," the esper shrugged. "Maybe I could try to have a new relationship, but I will still have him in my head, in my heart, in everything that I saw," he tilted his head and smiled bitterly. "Would that be fair for the new person?"

"Hmm..." Zein nodded in agreement. Indeed, that would be unfair. One should never enter a relationship while still harboring a feeling for someone else.

But this stuff about...love...Zein pondered about what Radia said quietly for a while, that it wasn’t like a switch that could be activated and deactivated at will. Would that mean...no one really in control of their feelings? That it could just happen?

He recalled that Bassena also said he fell in love with Zein just like that—one meeting, one guiding, just like that.

He chewed the inside of his cheek and asked hesitatingly. "What...when did you realize you loved him? Have you always..."

"No," Radia answered readily, already knowing what Zein wanted to ask him from the moment the guide became silent. "It wasn’t like that at first," he shook his head, leaning back to recall the early days of his relationship with Joon; where everything was yet to get so messy. "At first, it was intrigue, and then lust, and slowly, it turned into this...raging obsession,"

There was a smile on his lips, a happy one, just like his memories, even if what he said was a bit concerning. "Without even realizing it, my days couldn’t go well without his presence; seeing his figure, hearing his voice. It was hard when he was away even for a few days. I got jealous, I got frustrated—everything felt like a mess..." he paused to let out a short laugh before he took a deep breath and contentedly sighed. "But everything also felt so right."

Zein unconsciously put his hand over his stomach, where he felt the somersaulting jealousy before. A messy feeling that also felt so right...

"It was when I could no longer picture a future without him that I realized I had fallen so deeply I couldn’t get out," Radia continued, looking at the ceiling with a bitter smile. "It was like a pit, a sucking bog, and sometimes everything just got too blurry; was it love? was it just obsession? I had no idea."

"And what is..." Zein parted his lips, feeling like it was hard to force out his question. Simply because he didn’t expect to feel it to be so...relatable. For him, the question had always been between genuine feelings and the attachment of a guide and esper. "What was your decision?"

"That it doesn’t matter," Radia turned his head to look at Zein again. "Whatever it is, what kind of label I should put on my feelings..." he chuckled and shook his head. "I just can’t be with anyone but him."

Again, Radia turned his head to look outside the window, staring into the distance as if he could find his one star if he stared hard enough. "It was his goal to make me so dependent on his existence that I won’t be able to get away, that I will still cling to him even if he is away,"

Smiling so deeply that Zein felt a shiver in his spine, Radia added in a low, almost manic tone. "And I gladly fall for it."