There's No Love In the Deathzone (BL)
Chapter 217 - 211. First Time

Chapter 217: Chapter 211. First Time

"Well...there’s this one thing..."

Bassena asked in a quiet voice, which got Zein to raise his brow. He knew what Bassena would say though, but he pulled away so he could see the esper’s face clearly.

"What?"

"Umm..." Bassena frowned slightly, eyes darted to the side like every time he was nervous and rather uncomfortable with the topic. "About that man...the leader of the Scarlet Moon,"

"What about him?" Zein asked dryly, stepping away to shed his uniform jacket and taking off his mask. As he turned his back on Bassena to drape the uniform on an armchair, he smiled subtly.

Bassena must have been holding it back so much since the morning. Zein said they should talk later--but later came so late since they kept doing something else.

"So that’s the guy? The one who taught you...something else?" Bassena asked cautiously. Zein could feel the dilemma of curiosity and uncomfortableness of finding out about his past partner in the esper’s voice.

Suppressing his smile, Zein turned around and crossed his arms, looking into the amber eyes with a firm gaze. "Say it like an adult, Bas."

"...he’s your first?" the esper asked after chewing the inside of his cheek for a while. "The one who...took your virginity?"

"Of my dick, yes."

Zein replied nonchalantly, flatly. Not because he didn’t consider Bassena’s feelings in all of this--actually, he commended the esper for holding back so patiently for the whole day.

But he also wanted to show Bassena that he didn’t hold that era of his life as something important. At least, not important enough for Bassena to concern himself about. So he answered as if he was just looking at a report; with a boring and flat tone.

"...how long?"

"Does it matter?" Zein tilted his head. "Are you competing about my past relationship?"

"But...he loves you," Bassena clenched his jaw and fist tightly.

Zein raised his brow in surprise at this. He thought Zach had hidden it pretty well, but turned out Bassena knew about it just from meeting him once. Perhaps because both espers harbored the same feeling toward the same person, they could recognize each other’s feelings toward Zein easily.

So that was why he had been feeling angsty. Perhaps if Zach truly bore no feelings for Zein anymore, Bassena wouldn’t be this defensive about Zein’s past. But alas...

With a sigh, Zein answered. "I don’t," he uncrossed his arms and started to approach the esper, making sure the amber eyes held his gaze. "I never have."

"He still loves you, even now," Bassena furrowed his brow deeper.

"Maybe," Zein shrugged. "Should I tell the world that no one is supposed to like me because you’re the only one who can?"

Zein stopped in front of the esper, with a sharp gaze that prompted the younger man to press his lips in nervousness. "I..." Bassena opened his mouth and stopped, ended up with lowering his gaze and muttered an apology. "...am sorry."

"I won’t stop being friends with him, you know that, right?" Zein said, rather dry and cruelly.

"I know,"

"And it won’t stop Radia to make a contract with them."

"I know,"

Zein sighed at the way this mighty esper’s voice became quieter and quieter. He reached out his hand and stroked the esper’s cheek, lifting the discouraged face. The man still looked perfectly handsome though, even like this. Handsome, well-built, powerful, wealthy, and above all, adorable. So why would he constantly feel insecure? Zein thought he had shown more of his affection and adoration these days, but...was that not enough?

Slowly, he moved his fingers, sliding his thumb over the sharp jaw, stroking the high cheekbone, and grazing the flesh beneath the amber eyes. He rubbed the three scales, glinting beautifully like an obsidian as he stared into the widened amber eyes.

Bassena, utterly confused and astonished, could only stay there, frozen, as if his time had been stopped as he indulged in the soft touches and drowned in the deep blue. He didn’t dare to breathe, even, and when Zein’s thumb trailed above, Bassena closed his eyes, letting the gentle touch stroke over his brow, pressing on the slight scar on it.

He heard the sound of a sigh, soft lips pressed gently over his eyelids, and little kisses trailed all over his face; his forehead, his temple, the tip of his nose, the shell of his ear. "Baby," he heard the soft whisper that got him clutching the armrest tightly. "Open your eyes."

When Bassena did open his eyes, he almost blurted out how lucky he felt of being alive. Looking at the brilliant blue eyes that gazed at him softly, red lips that smiled at him genuinely, and felt the fingers that stroked his face gently, Bassena felt like he was willing to fall to depravity if it was for this man. He would take Zein’s name if he would be able to forever see that peaceful face and felt that gentle touch.

"Bassena Vaski," Zein called out, and Bassena couldn’t help but stutter in his daze.

"Y-yes?"

"I’ve never cried in front of anyone before," Zein said, which led the amber eyes to widen. They shook as he recalled the night when Zein had an outburst and poured out everything--the night that bound their relationship.

"Not even in front of those siblings," Zein added, clearly referring to Alma and, ultimately, the man Bassena was worrying about. "Not even in front of my brothers."

Now that was something that shook Bassena to the core. He knew Zein had difficulty expressing his burden, which was why he knew how special it was when Zein poured out everything on him.

But to think Zein had never cried in front of others before?

Then...that would mean he only cried in front of Bassena.

As he was still drowned in astonishment, Zein used the other hand to stroke Bassena’s cheek, cradling the handsome face in a tighter hold as if he wanted the esper to listen to him keenly.

"I’ve never committed myself to a relationship before," the guide said, eyes never leaving the liquid ambers. "I’ve never let someone call me their lover before."

And that means not even the men who took his virginity.

The amber eyes flickered as Bassena felt his lungs cease functioning. When the stroking hands slipped back to circle his neck, the breaths that he took were sharp and heavy. The soothing scent that flooded him with those bated breaths was dizzyingly intoxicating.

"And..." Zein pressed his forehead gently against the espers, voice lowered to a whisper. "I’ve never...imagined a future with someone else before."

Oh, to be living and breathing with this man--as he pulled Zein closer for a kiss, Bassena felt thankful for his mother to birth him in this world. It was deep yet gentle, reminding him of their kiss on the commentary, and their kiss on that evening when Zein got rid of any distance they may have. It was a kiss that told him Zein held a much bigger affection for him than he might ever realized.

Perhaps it was drowned within years of searching, and months of pursuing. Perhaps it was drowned by his own fear of the older man’s tendency of running away. Perhaps it was drowned by his own fear of losing yet someone he hold dear.

But there was always this thought that Zein might decide to leave him one day. Even though he told himself that he would chase the man beyond the end of the world, there was always a nagging fear that Zein would go somewhere he could not follow.

And if Zein decided that his heart belonged to someone else?

Would Bassena be so audacious and demanded the man to stay? Even if Zein looked happy with that other person?

No--he could never trap Zein like that.

Bassena blinked, and slowly pulled out of their kiss in a daze. His mind whirred as he realized; might it be, that the other person had the same thought of him? If that person knew Zein the way Bassena knew the guide, or even a portion of it...

Zein...did look happy, right? Bassena looked at the guide, who still had that soft gaze and gentle caress on his cheek.

Zein was happy with him, right?

"Do you get what I’m saying?" in a voice that almost sounded like a whisper, Zein asked firmly.

"Yeah..." Bassena’s reply came breathlessly, closing his eyes as he leaned onto the guide’s steadily beating chest. "Yeah."

Zein had chosen him--to be a lover, to be a shield, to be the guarantee of tomorrow. It wasn’t just because Bassena was pursuing him. But Zein had decided, upon many contemplations, to follow his heart and accepted Bassena. A choice that he made after careful consideration to be vulnerable.

To be insecure about their relationship would be disrespectful to the other’s feelings.

Bassena sighed, hard, and then paused. His hands, which were perching around Zein’s waist, fiddled with the guide’s small back.

"What is it?" Zein asked, looking down at the amber eyes that looked like they were still debating about something. But the esper did not immediately answer, looking even more fidgety for some reason.

"Bas," Zein let out a warning sound and Bassena looked up.

"Do you...want to do it with me?"

"What?"

Bassena pressed his lips, eyes darted anywhere but in Zein’s direction, before finally landing downward, a slight reddish hue scattered on his cheek. "What you did with that man..."

Zein raised his brow, eyes widened slightly, before his eyelashes fluttered in surprise. Slowly, his fingers raised, rubbing his lips that started to stretch, blue eyes gleaming within the dim light as he stared at the bashful esper.

"You have no idea how turned on I am right now,"

It wasn’t so much of the idea that he could fuck the esper for a change as the very notion that Bassena was offering himself, willingly, just to make sure that he could be the only one. Just to make sure that Zein only thought of him in any scenario. Love, or foolish ardor; whatever the reason was, the man was perfectly adorable.

If he couldn’t have Zein’s first time, Zein could be his first time instead.

Zein could see what Bassena was thinking while offering himself like that, and Zein felt that in his heart. In his heart and somewhere lower.

He raised one knee and placed it on the chair, right beside the esper’s thigh. Instead of answering with words, he pushed the wide shoulder into the backrest, and had the amber eyes staring straight into his bulging pants.

With a hand that wasn’t pressing Bassena, Zein unbuckled his belt and undid the pant’s button.

Without needing to be told to, Bassena already moved his head forward, pressing his face into the clothed excitement. He kissed the protruding outline, and flicked his gaze up to see the guide’s curling lips.

"For now, I’ll fuck your mouth," Zein parted his lips in a lustful smile. "And then we’ll see."

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