There's No Love In the Deathzone (BL)
Chapter 212 - 206. Weight of Tears

Chapter 212: Chapter 206. Weight of Tears

"It’s been a while," Zein said, leaning against the pillar as he watched the other member of Trinity dispersing.

Radia had told him to ’catch up’ with his old acquaintances, although Zein had no idea if it was just a consideration or if the man wanted him to make a talk about working together.

Rina had dragged Bassena off to avoid a bloodbath, although the esper didn’t look like he was about to jump someone--but, precaution. And while Zein was supposed to talk with them both, Alma actually went out of her way to follow Dheera and the others because she wanted to know what Zein had been up to this whole time.

So it left Zein standing there with Zach, in the corner of the hall among the pillars and railing that separated them from the main lounge--of course, Jock was there to guard him, but he always made his presence to be as little as possible, so he might as well a thin air.

"It sure is," the Scarlet Moon’s leader answered briefly.

Their conversation sounded flat and awkward, especially comparing it with the way Alma greeted Zein earlier. It had nothing to do with the fact that they used to have a fling, but because they were both naturally reserved people. It also had nothing to do with the fact that they hadn’t seen each other in five years, or that Zein had left the red-zone without even saying goodbye to the esper. After all, going away and disappearing without a warning was something common in the red-zone.

"I heard you guys are the landlord, now."

Zach chuckled at that--he could see that the guide had changed. In the past, the man would never be the one to start a conversation unless he wanted something first.

So it wasn’t his appearance that had turned better.

"Don’t worry about that orphanage you’re making, we’ll be sure to guard its process well,"

"Just the process?" Zein raised his brow.

"Perhaps if you show your face there every now and then, we’ll extend the service," Zach shrugged.

He still recalled the first letter that came from Zein, the way it made his heart clenched; from longing? From heartbreak? Araka might not be up to date with the rest of the world, but as the ’landlord’, he had the privilege of information.

Even if that information included the rumor about the man he was--still--in love with involved in a relationship with another man.

"Hmm...perhaps I will," Zein answered easily, and Zach perked up slightly. Zein never said things he didn’t mean, so if he said he’d try to visit, then he’d really try to visit. "It’ll be fast if I go with Bas."

And just like that, Zach felt his heart, once again, crushed. It was as if Zein deliberately told him that he shouldn’t have any feelings for the guide anymore, because he now belonged to someone already.

Zach didn’t need to ask for confirmation about their relationship. He knew Zein well, he prided himself to be able to read the man just through his eyes. And that was why, he knew what Zein’s feeling was.

It was easy for him to see that the way Zein looked at Bassena Vaski was different. It was the gaze that he had always waited for but could never get. He told Zein he’d stop his feeling for the guide because he gave up on acquiring that gaze.

And thus, it didn’t matter what their exact relationship was--Zach knew what Zein’s feeling was, and it was enough to break his heart that had refused to move on despite saying he’d stop.

But what could he do, if Zein looked so contented while looking at that man?

Just...there was still one thing he needed to make sure of. "Does he treat you well?"

Zein didn’t answer for a while. He just leaned into the pillar while his eyes chased the wide back that was facing a journalist. Soft and full of adoration--Zach was almost flooded with jealousy at that moment.

"I cried," Zein said after a while, and Zach couldn’t help but widen his eyes.

The esper parted his lips, but there was nothing managed to come out of his throat. He could only look at Zein, and the smile he knew was hidden behind that mask. His hand gripped the railing hard as his heart was filled with a vortex of messy emotions.

"I cried in his arms," the guide added, eyes the reflection of brilliance.

Zach had only seen that brilliance once--when the twins brought their study report and became the top of their class. But at any other time, even while they were together and drowned in momentary pleasure, those eyes never sparked that brightly, glittering like precious jewels.

It was everything Zach had always wanted. To make Zein feel safe enough that he would cry and shed his burden away, even if it was just for a moment.

His heart felt like they were crushed by a massive rock called regret. But as the rock crumbled, he felt a surge of...relief.

He knew it took more than strength to make Zein feel safe. No--actually, an esper that only had his strength would make Zein walk away instantly. He had no idea what Bassena Vaski had done, but...he knew for sure that he could at least trust the man to take care of Zein when the guide felt vulnerable.

With a throbbing heart that stung like a mean old scar, Zach took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I’m glad," he said while releasing the railing from his grip.

"Do you?"

"Yeah," he leaned against the other pillar, chuckling to himself. "I’m glad I can truly give up now."

Zein raised his brow. "I thought you said you’d give up like...ten years ago."

"I’m a weak man,"

"Hah!" Zein chuckled, finally looking at the man who had been part of his growing-up phase, the man who taught him the pleasure of the flesh.

For quite some time, it was part of his guilt; that he couldn’t love Zach the way the esper had wanted him to, despite the fact that he used the man to satisfy his physical craving. And even after he realized the esper grew to love him beyond their carnal intimacy, Zein continued that relationship.

He realized that he was a coward back then--he didn’t want to feel lonely, but he had no courage to keep something with a vague future. Zach, young as he was, couldn’t provide that sense of security.

The sense of security that Bassena could provide him. The glimpse of the future.

Zein knew, that even if he was to stay in the red-zone, he would never work it out with Zach. So he was relieved when Zach told him in the past that he would stop his feelings for Zein, because he was much too cowardly to stop it himself.

He knew, of course, that Zach didn’t really stop. The esper took a long time away from Araka after they ’broke up’--for a lack of better words. And when he came back, he managed to maintain a professional, colleague-like relationship with Zein. But it didn’t erase the affection in his eyes.

Now...Zein couldn’t say the affection had gone from the esper’s eyes. But from the easy smile and no longer tensing shoulders, Zein hoped it meant the man would finally move on.

In a lighthearted tone, Zein said playfully. "I wonder if you’re weak enough to accept our proposal."

"We’re always open to talk," Zach shrugged. He retreated from the nostalgic vibe and came back to the professional tone.

Zein had sent them a letter--or rather, sent Alma a letter. It said that Trinity had a proposal for them, some kind of cooperation. They didn’t say what it was, but Zach and Alma had concluded it wouldn’t be roses and sunshine.

It wouldn’t however, deter them from helping Zein if he needed it.

"But do you think your esper will be alright with it?" Zach asked, following Zein’s gaze that almost never left that imposing back and platinum hair.

"He’s professional," Zein replied succinctly.

Zach let out a smile, rather bitterly. "How envious," he muttered. To receive that level of trust from the guide with a trust issue. But he shook his head to get rid of those unnecessary thoughts, and decided to move to another topic that he had been wanting to ask.

"So...you go by Luzein, now?"

Not many people knew his name correctly in the red-zone, but Alma and Zach were among those few. Zein mulled for a bit, wondering if he should tell the esper about his origin, or how much he could let out.

"Yeah, about that..."

* * *

When a staff came out and tell them the door to the conference room had been opened, Zein bid his goodbye to Zach and approached Bassena, who was waiting for him silently with a stiff face.

"Hey," Zein felt his lips curled upward, looking at how the esper was trying hard not to glare at Zach, who went out to look for Alma in the smoking room.

"Mm,"

Zein pressed his lips to stifle a laugh. Was the man sulking? Oh, how cute. His palm was tingling with a desire to pat and stroke that platinum fur--hair. But he held back since they were in public right now.

"You’re behaving very well," Zein said, staring keenly at the hardening ambers.

"I’m...trying," Bassena said with pursed lips, and how much Zein would like to rub them. With his own lips, to be exact.

Talking with Zach somehow just lit up all of his tender feelings for Bassena, as if his forgotten puberty wanted to make up for all the loss of the beautiful tingle of first love, the ravaging hormone. "I can see that," the crowd was thinning around them, and Zein pulled Bassena by his hand, slipping his thumb on the esper’s wrist. "I’m proud of you."

Rubbing his wrist slightly, he let Bassena feel the Paladin’s tear that he had never taken off and whispered. "Let’s talk properly later."

"Okay," nooded obediently, Bassena grasped the guide’s hand and squeezed it once before they entered the conference room.

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