There's No Love In the Deathzone (BL)
Chapter 197 - 191. Duty and Calling

Chapter 197: Chapter 191. Duty and Calling

Zein usually woke up with his biological alarm, unless he was physically drained or mentally distraught. Or both.

Today was none, and he woke up just after dawn just as usual. Only, instead of a ceiling, he woke up staring at a pair of warm amber eyes. "This feels familiar," he commented, lips curling upward reflexively.

"Like the time you woke up and kissed me out of nowhere?" the esper asked.

"Ah," Zein chuckled softly, recalling the day he visited the lab for the first time and touched the shard. He dreamt of something--he couldn’t remember what--but he recalled calling out for Bassena and when he opened his eyes, the esper was there. Zein didn’t think twice to kiss Bassena then, thinking it was still a dream.

Perhaps, he was already started to fall for the man even then, only that he was too afraid to admit it, too wrapped up in his worry that Bassena’s interest was nothing more than an esper attachment for a guide, a mere infatuation created from the good feeling during guiding.

But for the many months of their vague relationship after that, the most intimate guiding they ever did was through kisses, and that was only twice. Even after they finally made love, Bassena never asked for a guiding.

This time, as he stared at the warm ambers, Zein knew it wasn’t a dream, but he still reached out to grab the platinum strands and pulled the esper down for a kiss.

And this time, because it wasn’t a mistake of a half-sleep delirium, the kiss didn’t end shortly. It went further and further until Zein found himself straddling the esper’s hips, pulling off the esper’s shirt, and...well, it was safe to say he did his morning exercise in a different way.

"You didn’t sleep?" Zein asked as they basked in each other’s warmth beneath the comforter, while the sky getting brighter.

"How do you know?" Bassena raised his head from the guide’s chest.

"Because you were already up when I woke up," Zein smirked. There was only one instance when Bassena woke up earlier than him; when Zein slept in so late after having his outburst.

True to what Han Shin said, once Bassena fell asleep, it was hard to wake him up.

"Mm," Bassena just smiled in response and returned to lay his head on the guide’s chest. He liked it there, listening to the steady heartbeat, making sure that Zein was there. "I was afraid I might be dreaming."

Stroking the messy hair, Zein asked with a smile--he realized more and more how easy it was to do it in front of his esper. "Are you convinced now?"

"Mm," the mumbling sent vibration across his chest and Zein chuckled in response.

"You’re free to convince yourself whenever."

Bassena blinked, and slowly raised his head until he could stare at the blue eyes. "...yeah?"

"Yeah,"

"Can I convince myself now?"

This time, Zein laughed freely. He grasped the esper’s hair and pulled himself up, tilting his head for another kiss. "I’ll convince you in the shower."

"Wow, I don’t know it’s still my birthday..."

* * *

"Do you have the monthly assessment ready?"

The front desk twins looked up from their screens to stare at Zein, looking a bit stunned. It was because Zein finally spoke in a gentler tone, something they hadn’t heard for weeks. The last time they saw Zein this...relaxed, was right after the Serpent Lord finished his trial.

"So?"

"Ah!" they scrambled to pick up the folder they had just printed this morning before Zein came, and give it to the guide with more energy than usual. "I’m sorry for being late, Sir. We should have finished the report yesterday--"

"It’s fine, no one told you to work on the weekend," Zein waved his hand nonchalantly and took the folder.

Abel, who was buying something from the vending machine in the corner all this while, whistled. "People in love are indeed different."

Zein raised his gaze from the report and arched his brow, to which Abel responded with a smirk. "What? Do you think people wouldn’t know you’re ’official’ now?" Abel raised his fingers to make quotation marks.

"No, I just didn’t think people would make such a big deal about it," Zein shrugged. "It’s not like you people haven’t been gossiping about me and him," he glanced at the twins, "or making a group chat about it."

The twins coughed and dragged their keyboards, suddenly very preoccupied with arranging the guiding schedule while Abel laughed on the side. "You’re right, you’re already acting like you only belonged to each other before. Save a lot of people from broken hearts, since it was clear they had no chance anyway."

Zein rolled his eyes and hooked his fingers in the Chief Guide’s direction. "Come with me, I need to make the list."

"Oh, right," Abel rolled the warm canned soup between his palm while following Zein to the latter’s office. "The framework needs to be submitted by the fifteenth, right?"

"Exactly two weeks," Zein nodded. "I’m still torn; is it right to put their name without telling them about it?"

"Would it affect your choice?" Abel asked as they entered the office/gym and nodded at Alice. "Are you going to take them off the list if they refused to go?"

Zein threw the report to his desk and sighed. "It’s always better if we don’t have to force them," he sunk to his chair and stared at the data printed on the papers. "It’s a place that needs dedication. Even the borderland’s guide feels repulsive about going to the Deathzone."

"I reckoned everyone--including espers--would feel repulsive about that," Abel said. "But as long as they are the member of Trinity, they are bound to their duty."

"Duty..." Zein muttered, playing with the pen in his hand absentmindedly before he cast a gaze on the other guide. "When did you awaken?"

"Me? Fifteen, just like most guides," Abel replied while feeling surprised, didn’t think Zein would start talking about that. And then he recalled Zein awakened much earlier than that and it made him feel unsettled for some reason. "Why?"

"What do you think about awakening? Do you think it’s a blessing? A divine calling?"

Abel watched the taller guide tap his pen on the desk, and the way the blue eyes stared a the distance. He wondered how he should approach this, how he should answer without coming out as pretentious. But in the end, he just gave an honest reply.

"I...don’t know," he shrugged. "I was born into a family of Guides, so I just know someday I’d awaken as a guide," Abel said dryly. His family was prominent among the guide community, one of the families who contracted to the government. They were the elite and privileged group of guides, so to speak.

So it felt uncomfortable to talk about it knowing how Zein never received proper guide training and had to survive being a guide in a red-zone, where they were treated more or less like a tool.

"I’d been taught about the theory before I was sent to the Temple, and never thought of doing anything else," Abel saved his sigh, because now, Zein’s question made him think about why exactly did he do this; what guiding was for him. Something he had never thought of because it felt so natural to his life.

"Like a career path," Zein stopped his pen tapping. When he saw Abel’s face, he chuckled and added with a smile. "There’s nothing wrong with it."

"What about you?" Abel asked, observing the blue eyes.

"Me?" Zein pulled the report closer to him. "It was just...a way to earn money, a way to survive."

It felt like a curse at first, for it was something that made Tadros sell him. And during all those times he had to endure the short course by the other guides, and had to figure out how to do the guiding well to avoid being beaten, he wondered if God hated him.

But every time he received his payment, he would momentarily think it was a blessing. At least until he grew up--growing out of his dream, out of his hope--until he stopped praying and became numb. And everything just became a tool for him to survive, including this darned guiding ability. When the twins died and he wasn’t even sure he wanted to survive, he felt lost, just guiding for the sake of guiding, because that was the only thing he knew he could do well.

"Was," Abel commented. "What about now, then?"

"That’s what I’m trying to figure out," Zein smiled behind his mask, the blue eyes glowing softly as his mind traveled to his esper. Because lately, it was obvious that he didn’t do this merely for the money. "Whatever someone’s objectives are, it’s better to do it without being forced," he leaned back on his chair and tapped his pen on the report. "It’ll be easier on anyone."

"That comes from experience?"

Zein raised his gaze to meet Abel, and they stared at each other until they both ended up laughing. Zein looked at the report again, tapping the end of his pen to his temple. "Which one’s better; someone who is enthusiastic about their work but sucks at it, or someone who’s better but reluctant?"

Abel pondered about it for a bit but ended up answering with a shrug. "Is that important?"

"Huh?"

"Don’t you forget your own motto?" Abel pointed to the other guide with a finger gun. "Which one has a better chance of surviving?"

It almost made Zein flinch, as he recalled what the porters said; the irony of surviving while having suicidal thoughts. Well, it didn’t matter now. He already made a resolve to stay in this world; to live, to stay with his esper.

So he smirked and said playfully. "Can I put your name on the list?"

"Are you kidding me? I’m getting married!" Abel replied with a shudder. "How could you send a newlywed to a Deathzone?"

"...you’re getting married?"

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