The Werewolf's Vampire Mate
Chapter 124: I am free

Chapter 124: I am free

Beau.

How many times do I have to bend and break before I finally fall? I can’t count how many times I have turned. My bones feel weak, my wolf is exhausted. I thought this would be easy. I had it all figured out in my head.

This is not supposed to be hard but it is the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. Jules wants this done a certain way. He doesn’t want me to turn fully, he doesn’t want me to be more human than wolf, he wants it half of each. I know what he is asking for, I can see it in my head. I am trying to give him what he wants but every time I think I have mastered it, I end up the way I usually am.

Just an animal on all four.

’’You are getting sidetracked. I need your mind with me right now,’’ he yells already getting impatient.

His tone is different. I don’t even think he expects this to be a success on the first try. Maybe this is his way of teaching me. he can’t be too lenient. I mean how will I learn If he is.

’’I am trying,’’ I scream back at him.

Right now, I am in my human form completely naked. There is no time to even bother with clothes. The number of times I have turned is fucking exhausting.

’’You are getting angry again. If you do this in anger, it defeats the purpose,’’ he reminds me of our earlier lesson.

I cannot be angry.

I have to channel all that anger into happy thoughts. That is the only way this will work for us. I have been thinking about Lanis. he is the only reason why I have even been able to handle this for as long as I have. We have been going at it all day. The sun is already in the middle of roaming around to set. I don’t know what time it is but it seems like the day is already. I have spent all day facing the most excruciating pain ever.

The curse of the werewolf.

’’I don’t know what to do, nothing is working. No matter how hard I try, it just ends the same,’’ I groan exasperatedly.

He manages an encouraging smile. I am sure this is as frustrating for him as it is for me. he has been standing all day, under the hot sun and he still managed to control his patience. I need to give him a break.

’’Sit down,’’ he tells me, and I watch him as he sits cross-legged in front of me.

I obey him and do the same. Totally ignoring the grass that sticks to my skin. I am used to being naked but sitting on this dirty grass is the most disgusting thing I have ever done. I can’t complain because that will look ridiculous.

’’We are going to meditate. I want you to calm down your nerves. Do not fight whatever happens,’’ he informs me.

I nod and watch him as he closes his eyes. ’’Close your eyes. I know you don’t fancy this but I need you to indulge me.’’

I close my eyes.

The last time I meditated with him, I saw my father. I don’t know what he intends to do right now but I trust him completely and if that can help me then I will do this with open arms.

’’Inhale, I want you to take a deep breath and hold it in,’’ he urges.

I oblige.

Holding my breath.

Every sense within me heightens.

The sound of the wind as it breezes through.

’’Exhale, let all the pent up frustration out. All the anger, the disappointment. The loss you feel. Let is all out and set it free.’’

His words are comforting. I mean, everything that has happened is overwhelming and it hasn’t been easy to get through it all. There are thoughts that roam through my mind. I wonder what I could’ve done differently.

What if I didn’t fight with my dad that day, would he still be alive?

What if I didn’t go and try to be the hero for Lanis? if I had convinced him to stay with me and forget about Maddie. Would things have turned out differently?

What if I didn’t pressure Lanis to mate with me?

Those thoughts still overshadow my mind. I don’t know how to handle it all. I think about ti and all I feel is regret. The anger that I try to bury deep in me always finds its way out.

’’Set it all free Beau. You will never win this with all the anger within you,’’ Jules breathes out. Those words feel like a cool breeze that travels into my ear. I feel it deep within as it hits a spot in my heart.

Set it free.

It sounds easier than it is.

’’Set it all free,’’ he repeats, this time sterner.

I inhale again, taking his words deeper into my soul. Suddenly it feels like I am being taken into another world. Like the last time. I can still feel Jules, but I don’t see him again. I am surrounded by darkness. I can’t see anything.

I feel like I am on my feet, wherever I am feels very lonely. I try to open my eyes more, to see if I can recognise this dark room but to no avail.

’’Exhale,’’ I hear Jules through the darkness.

He is here but he is also far away. Suddenly through his words, I see a light. It is very faint. I walk closer to the light, the darkness is trying to overshadow the light. I reach for the light, try to get closer to it but the closer I get, the farther t seems.

I don’t know what to do.

’’Let it all go Beau. The past is not important. All the pain, all the anger. Let them all go. Live for the present.’’

I hear Jules again. It feels like his voice is the guide I need to get to the light. I want to reach this light so badly. Even a lot more than I want to succeed in my transformation.

’’I don’t know how to,’’ I shout in hopes that he can hear me.

The room remains quiet. His voice seems to have vanished. am I supposed to figure this out on my own. How do I let go of all the anger? I am still fucking pissed. I want to kill all the people that hurt me and my family. That is the reason for the training. The only thing that keeps me going. The only reason why I am still alive.

’’You are still alive for me,’’ I hear Lanis’s voice. I know this is all in my head, but it feels so real.

I know the voice is not wrong but I can’t live for him until I can protect him. I can’t live knowing that he could be taken away from me at any second.

’’You can’t live for vengeance either,’’ I hear his voice again. Pulling me into his orbit.

’’What do I do?’’ I aks him unsure if he will be able to answer me since this is all in my head.

’’Follow the light,’’ his voice comes into play, mesmerizing to me.

I turn around again, facing the light. I squint my eyes, trying to understand what I am looking for. follow the light. How do I follow the light when it keeps running away from me.

Let it all go.

Those words keep seeping through my head.

This is not my fault.

I am not the reason why my father is dead.

I am not the reason why members of my pack are dead.

I didn’t pressurise Lanis to mate with me, he did this because he loves me. he wanted it as much as I did.

The light suddenly becomes brighter at my revelation and I see a cage. The cage is dark but the light shines through it. I walk closer to the cage to get a closer look. I recognize the creature inside the cage.

My wolf.

It looks up to me, there is a sad expression plastered to its face. all the pain and anger, showing in its form. The brown of its fur, dull in the darkness of the cage. I feel its pain, I feel everything it is feeling I want to help. I need to get it out of this cage.

This is how I have felt.

I have been trapped in a cage that I put myself in.

Now I need to set myself free.

I grab the lock of the gate. It doesn’t even have a chain or padlock. With one swift cling, the gate slides open. My wolf stands up from the crouched position it was on and struts over to me slowly. Its limbs shake and shudder weakly as it tries to get to me.

I reach for it, wanting to show all the comfort and love I have been keeping away from it.

’’You’re free,’’ I pet its head gently.

I am free.