The Vampire & Her Witch
Chapter 386: Confession

Chapter 386: Confession

"Madame Zedya, I, I don’t, I mean, why, but..." Lennart stammered as he looked into the vampire’s shimmering amethyst eyes. Two desires welled up in his heart, one born of years of service, all but screaming that he should kneel before immediately rejecting the honor that he knew himself to be unworthy of.

But another desire, one he’d long suppressed when engaging with Lady Nyrielle, Madame Zedya, or any of the rulers of the Vale of Mists, came roaring up even stronger. Slowly, with a paw that trembled slightly at the audacity of the gesture he was about to make, he reached out and gently brushed a tear away from the corner of her eye.

Zedya might stand far above him, but tonight, she’d reminded him in more ways than one that she didn’t want to be ’Madame Zedya’ she wanted to be ’Zedya.’ She took his arm when they walked into the restaurant and walked beside him, not in front of him. And now, they ate together in a way that was more like, old friends, than superior and subordinate.

"Zedya," he said gently, forcing himself to discard her title even as he desperately wanted to cling to the comfortable distance that formality brought with it. Quickly, he organized his thoughts and mustered the courage to say what needed to be said.

"Lady Nyrielle chooses people for their unique skills. Sir Thane is a capable knight and commander, Sir Marcell has a vast network of contacts in the human dark market, Sir Ignatious," his voice trailed off as he released a heavy sigh.

"Zedya, I’m a common soldier," Lennart said, hanging his head low. "A common soldier who is past his prime and will soon be irrelevant. I have more experience than the younger soldiers under my command but anyone you bestow your favor on will rapidly accumulate that kind of experience. So, why? Why choose me?"

"Not because of what you can do," Zedya said, looking down at the table and taking a drink from a random cup of wine to distract herself before she continued, though her watery amethyst eyes remained firmly on the remaining artistic morsels on the table. "I’m asking you because everything is changing, but, there’s something that I don’t want to change."

"I would miss you," she said, blinking back the tears that threatened to overwhelm her whenever she thought of continuing their travels without Lennart’s steady, reassuring presence beside her. Her heart had nearly exploded in her chest during the battle for the Tangled Tower when she saw a Golden Eyed soldier’s knife barely miss Lennart’s neck, skittering across his jawbone instead. An inch lower and he might have bled out before anyone could reach him to preserve his life, especially after she’d been so badly wounded in her first clash with Savis.

Memories of that night had haunted her more than once during the trip, and every new conflict, every minor scuffle with a local Eldritch Lord and their elite guards only added to her fears that one day soon, this man would be torn from her world.

"You’d miss me?" Lennart said, cocking his head in confusion. "I still don’t understand. Before me, you traveled with Commander Bassinger and I’m sure there were others before him as well. You’ve seen at least a dozen men like me come and go, so... why do this now? Why me?"

"You don’t understand what time does to us," Zedya said. Carefully, she selected a morsel of lightly pickled cucumber that had been cut into a ribbon and then shaped like a flower beginning to bloom. "Eat this," she said, reaching out with her delicate fingers to offer up the bite directly.

"I, all right," Lennart said, taking a bite and savoring the complex interplay of sweet cucumber, sour vinegar, and a hint of something spicy that tingled across his tongue.

"Now, keep chewing," Zedya commanded. "Don’t swallow, just keep chewing."

"Mmm?" Odd as it was, he did as he asked, chewing on the cucumber until it was little more than a wet paste that rapidly lost all of the brilliance and complexity of flavor it had when he took his first bite.

"I can see it on your face," Zedya said with a sad smile. "You can swallow, you should understand now. For years, our lives were like that. Time wore us down. Everything we felt became dull and faded. Only a few things could still reach the distant places our hearts retreated to in those long years."

"I didn’t know," Lennart said softly, reaching out to take her hands again. Everyone understood that vampires were cool, distant, and rarely expressed emotion, but he hadn’t realized what it must have felt like to have been as vibrant and... alive as the sweet, sour, spicy flavors of the cucumber had felt and then to slowly see that fade away. "It, it must have been hard."

"Sometimes, you don’t notice until something is gone," Zedya said. "When you realize that nothing will ever taste like it used to or that your heart will never beat as loudly. But you always reached me," she said, giving his hands a gentle squeeze.

"Remember when we first met? When you were just a young cub, lost in the dark tunnels of the castle?" Zedya asked. "You were worried because you were lost, you were even scared of being in trouble if you got home too late, but you were never once afraid of me."

"How could I be afraid of you?" Lennart said. "Your eyes were the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen, and they still are. You stepped out of the darkness like a guardian and showed me the way to get home. My parents were so honored that you visited that they told me I’d have to earn a position in Lady Nyrielle’s guard, just to pay you back for the kindness you showed me back then."

"You didn’t need to," Zedya protested. "I would have done it for anyone who was lost near Mistress Nyrielle’s chambers, but especially for someone who has never once looked at me with the fear that others do. You know," she added, lowering her head again and looking anywhere but at the warm, gentle eyes that seemed so anxious for her from across the table.

"After the battle at the Tangled Tower, there are soldiers and drivers who give me that look," she said. "The look that says ’I’m glad she’s on our side’ or ’I hope I never upset her.’ After seeing me fight, just once, they don’t see me as Mistress Nyrielle’s handmaiden anymore. They won’t even meet my gaze," she said, looking back up at her bearish companion. "It’s like, they’re afraid that I’ll mesmerize them the way I mesmerized the soldiers of the Black Wolf Brigade."

"But you would never do that," Lennart said. With one large paw, he held her hands while the other reached across the table to gently caress her cheek, wiping away another tear that threatened to spill from moist eyes. "You’d never hurt the people of the Vale. I’ve seen how much you do for Lady Nyrielle and the people of the Vale. If people think you would hurt them then I’ll..."

"Hush, Lenny," she said, placing a slender finger on his lips. "Let them say what they will. They aren’t the ones who are important to me. You are. You, who have never looked at me with fear. You, who have given up your chance to be with any women from your clan so you can do as I have done, and dedicate your life to serving Mistress Nyrielle. You who have tirelessly protected me while you’ve been protecting her."

"Lenny, you have to promise me something," she said, pulling her hands back and growing very stern and very serious. "The secret I’m about to share with you is very, very dangerous. But... you need to know, or you won’t understand... so can you promise for me? Promise that you’ll keep this secret?"