The Forsaken Hero
Chapter 337: The Cost of War

Chapter 337: The Cost of War

I had killed Levin. The truth struck like a knife in the dark, tearing deep into my heart. I had made the mistake of treating Levin like the Apostle of Fire and believed he would survive. But he was weaker than that demon, and vulnerable due to the extensive damage to his soul he had just recovered from. Furthermore, he had allowed my mana to penetrate him while I healed him, which, when combined with my experience with his soul, allowed me to devastate his mana on a scale I had only begun to approach with the apostle. It was the difference between stabbing someone with a toothpick and a sword.

I too worried about modifying Link Ability and healing Korra to notice his soul never stabilized, but continued its path to destruction. I should have been more careful. I should have realized what would happen. I should have–

"I’m sorry," I sobbed, squeezing my eyes shut. "It’s all my fault. I...I just wanted to save you....But I know he meant a lot to you. It’s okay if you hate me. I understand."

"Hate you?" Korra gasped. Her hand gripped my chin, forcing me to look into her eyes. "Let’s get one thing straight here. I. Do. Not. Hate. You. Understand?"

I nodded quickly, intimidated by the ferocity in her piercing green eyes.

"Good," She huffed. "Now, do you remember when Alex tried to...hurt...you at the Divine Throne? When I saw that, I said I would kill him if he laid another finger on you. I almost did it, too, and probably would have if the Pope hadn’t interfered. And I don’t regret it one bit. In fact, whenever I think of what he tried to do to you, I wish I would have."

"B-but Korra, you loved them–"

She shut me up with a glare, before continuing. "I believe you, Xiviyah. You said he tried to kill us, and I believe you. There’s something you need to understand. This is war. He chose a side, and it was against us. I wouldn’t have hesitated if our roles were reversed and it was you in danger. I thought I already knew that."

She had said things like that before, but to hear it directly, with no chance of misinterpretation, was still shocking. I couldn’t accept it. "But all of those people died because of me!" I cried, gripping her arm tightly, "you said that–"

She frowned slightly. "You’re not talking about what I said in front of the inquisitor, are you? I want to make it clear I didn’t mean a single word of that. It was a pretense to get him to lower his guard. It’s a dirty move, sure, but I didn’t have any other choice given the circumstances. I’m with you all the way, Xiviyah, no matter what you’ve done. Don’t ever forget that again."

I swallowed hard and nodded, tears gathering in my eyes. I had suspected as much, but her words washed away my lingering fear and darkness. It was just like the time Rasce distracted Vithrass. Why couldn’t they just tell me first, so their words didn’t hurt so much?

"Please...don’t do that again," I said with a sniffle. "I couldn’t bear it."

"Alright, that’s one promise I can make. But if you’re feeling up to it, would you tell me the full story? I remember you bringing us to the camp and then ending up in the city with the healers, but everything after that’s a blur. And make sure to explain what exactly happened with Levin. There’s going to be quite the fallout over this, maybe more than anything you’ve done before, and I need all the details to prepare for it."

I wiped away my tears and let the story spill from my lips. She listened carefully, asking questions about my choices or other factors, until I reached the point where she recovered. I tried to stop, but the words were flowing, and my heart refused to let me be still. I began to weep as I tried to share my vision, but pressed on between sobs. It was time someone learned of the true horror of High Valley. I couldn’t bear it alone anymore.

By the time I stumbled over the details of Aurle’s death, Korra’s eyes were wet too. She pulled me close in a sisterly embrace, letting my tears soak her shirt and stroking my hair soothingly.

"I killed her, Korra. If only I had let him do it...then she’d still be alive," I sobbed.

"No, that’s not true," she murmured, rocking me gently. "What happened to her is awful. If Lord Byron were still alive, I would personally hunt him down and kill him. But Aurle was right, Xiviyah. You can’t blame yourself. She chose to protect you no matter the cost, just like I did at the Divine Throne, and you did when you faced down the inquisitors for me. There are no real relationships without sacrifice. If you want to protect someone, you have to be willing to pay the price."

"Sacrifice? But I should have been the one to–"

Korra shook her head, gentle but firm. "That wasn’t your choice to make. It was hers. I would have done the same thing if I were in her place."

I let her words sink into me, and slowly, the guilt faded away. But it didn’t leave me feeling empty inside, rather, it allowed me to finally feel what had been simmering there all along. Beneath the guilt, pain, and anguish, there was fire. My hands curled into fists and my tail lashed driven by the rising surge of anger.

"I hate him," I let slip, my voice a broken whisper. It was the first time I’d ever admitted to anyone, including myself, that I hated anyone. I didn’t think it was possible for someone like me to hate, but Korra had shown me I was wrong. Hatred, grief, loss...all signs that what I had felt was real. The circle, no, the church had taken so much from me, and it hurt. I couldn’t let them take any more.

I sniffed, surprised to find I was crying again.

"Do you understand now?" Korra asked softly. "This is the way I felt when they stole you away that night. We’re the same, Xiviyah. We have to let the past go and stop blaming ourselves for the choices we made. All we can do is go forward, and stop at nothing to protect the things that are dear to us."

I nodded. I’d never been able to understand how Korra let her magic go. But now, feeling this, it became apparent. If losing my magic was all that was required to protect Korra, Elise, or Sari, I would sacrifice it in a second. It had been too long since I was reminded of the pain of loss, but reliving the anguish of Aurle’s death had reminded me. Pain like that swallowed up the guilt I felt for killing Levin, for destroying this city. There were some things I had to fight for, even if it cost others their lives. I couldn’t lose anyone again. I wouldn’t.

"Thank you, Korra," I murmured, letting my body relax. Getting all worked up now wouldn’t help anything. Being all tense would only end up hurting my weakened body.

She ran her hand through my hair one last time before pulling away. "No, it’s my turn to say thank you. Thanks for freeing me from the inquisitors, and healing the poison. You worked really hard."

I nodded, unable to speak past the lump in my throat.

"Good. Now go back to sleep. If you’re awake any longer, Fable’s going to notice and bust through the tent. I’d rather not explain why I didn’t tell him the moment you awakened. I guess I’m just a little selfish like that."

She shot me a wink and slipped away, leaving me to my thoughts. Korra had been right. This was war. It wasn’t a fight between good and evil, or even between the demons and gods. This was my fight, for the things I loved and cared about. There were no sides beyond that, I wouldn’t let anyone get in my way, be it god, hero, or demon.

With that conviction burning in my heart, I closed my eyes and slipped back into sleep. Darkness welcomed me almost immediately, but kept its distance, allowing me the rest and recovery I needed. Occasionally, dreams or visions flickered through my consciousness, but save for one, they passed quietly into the night.

That vision was a scene I had witnessed once before, though briefly. It depicted a lavish throne gilded with gold and inlaid with enchanted jewels. A man sat upon the throne, with a slender girl in his lap. She straddled his waist with her legs and had her hands wrapped around his neck, locked in a passionate kiss. His hands tangled through her long, golden hair, occasionally falling to grope and caress her curves.

It faded almost as soon as it appeared, but lingered with me, accompanied by the feeling that something was wrong. Very wrong. The couple was familiar, and though I hadn’t seen their faces, one thing was clear. The girl was cursed with a Heart Crest.

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