The Forsaken Hero
Chapter 316: New Thoughts

Chapter 316: New Thoughts

"I want to see Korra..." I said softly, gazing up at the young, stern Lieutenant Joel. "Is he really not back yet?"

Joel gave me a tight-lipped smile. "I’m afraid Captain Jackal hasn’t returned. The demons have been exceptionally active for the past few days, keeping most of our company tied up."

"Then why are you here? Won’t they need every soldier they can get?" It was an unfair question, but, feeling a little frustrated, I couldn’t help asking.

The lieutenant’s face twitched, but he quickly smoothed over his irritation. "Our position is of equal import. Bluerock Gap is the safest and most direct route through the center of the canyon. Even the demons wouldn’t risk straying to the fringes."

I sighed and folded my arms under my breasts, tail flicking back and forth. "Please Joel, please tell me where Korra is. It doesn’t matter if someone recognizes me or I get into trouble, I have to make sure she’s alright."

"Look, Xiviyah, there’s nothing to be done about. Captain’s orders." His response was sharp and stiff, a crack in the apathetic mask he’d been wearing. I didn’t miss the skip of an honor of title like the others used, either.

Joel turned crisply on his heel and stalked away, disappearing behind a row of tents. A few soldiers glanced our way, curiosity in their eyes. I ignored them and let out a long, exasperated sigh, my hand snaking through the air to find Fable’s head.

"Oh, Korra. Just hold on a bit. I’ll come when I can."

A low whine sounded in my wolf’s throat, and he rubbed against my side. Even in his condensed form, Fable was a massive, ten-foot-long wolf whose head came nearly to my shoulders. A small nudge from him, no matter how affectionate, nearly threw me off-balance entirely.

"Fable!" I protested, turning to glare at him.

He looked at me innocently, golden eyes wide and starry. There was a low chuckle behind me, and I whirled red-faced to find a few soldiers watching, smiling broadly. It was the same squad from the night before who had shared their fire with me.

Blushing softly, I pushed Fable away and stammered, "T-thank you for last night. I...needed it."

Solim, whom I’d learned was the leader of the squad, smiled graciously and pressed his fist to his breastplate in a salute. "It was our honor, Lady Xiviyah. You’re always welcome at the fires of the Last Light Company."

My brown creased and I stared at them closely. "Xiviyah. Just Xiviyah."

His expression faltered, eyebrows knitting together. "We could never be so disrespectful to one who–"

"Please," I practically pled. "I’m not someone you should praise or honor. The things I’ve done, the blood I’ve spilled...No matter what I was in the past, that isn’t me anymore. I’m just...an adventurer, I guess."

The squad exchanged glances before slowly nodding. "Very well...Xiviyah," Solim said.

I smiled softly, my tail giving a delighted twitch. "Thank you."

Before I could say more, one of the other soldiers unexpectedly asked, "Would you care to watch us spare? We’d appreciate it if you’d share some of your battle experience with us."

The others smiled and nodded, a few flexing for me then and there. The unwelcome image of an entire squad of sweaty, bare-chested men flitted through my mind, and my face began to warm. I took a step back, then another, my tail trembling in embarrassment. Surely they didn’t mean it like that, right?

A familiar, anxious tightness gripped my chest, my tongue growing thick and heavy. "I’m sorry," I stammered, pressing against Fable’s flank, "I-I’m feeling rather worn out. I should go rest for a bit."

The soldier blinked and opened his mouth to say something, but I couldn’t bring myself to wait for a response. Instead, I turned and ran, nearly tripping over Fable’s tail as I fled back to my tent. It wasn’t far, fortunately, but I felt their bewildered gazes every step, my cheeks flushed redder than my hair.

The moment I entered the blessed seclusion of the canvas, I threw myself on the bed and buried my face in the pillow. My tail flicked across the sheets, stiff with embarrassment, my face practically burning.

I squeaked as someone wrapped on the tent pole and pulled the pillow over my fur. Had Fable followed me into the tent I could have hidden in his fur, but that wolf never showed up when I needed him.

"Lady Xiviyah," Solim’s tentative voice sounded without the tent, "forgive us for our improper request. Should you feel like joining us for dinner, know that I meant what I said. You’ll always be welcome at our fire."

I squeezed my eyes shut, ears twitching as they caught the crunch of their footsteps moving away from the tent. Why was it so hard? I’d felt alright last night, if a little overwhelmed, and this morning I’d managed to confront Joel about seeing Korra. I’d fully intended to see her no matter what, but even though that somehow failed, at least I’d kept my composure. So what had happened just barely?

I could handle official communications, and even some small talk, but a direct invitation from someone close to my age? I wasn’t prepared to handle that sort of casual interaction and ended up panicking. And then they had the gall to pretend like it was their fault I ran away! The entire situation was just too embarrassing, I wanted to dig a hole and hide forever.

I groaned and kicked my feet, unable to get my blush to go away. If only Korra was here. She was so good at interacting with others that I never had to force myself like this.

The whisper of flexing canvas filled the tent and my heart stopped. Not daring to breathe, I peeked beneath the pillow, only to find Fable staring quizically at me.

"As if you could have done better," I muttered, glaring at him.

He snorted and sat down, somehow communicating a great sense of disdain, as if he could, indeed, have done better. I sighed and rolled onto my back, still holding the pillow against my chest. Was this just one of those things Korra was talking about when she wanted me to learn about the light? Was trying to talk to people supposed to be this difficult? It reminded me of the way Elise could connect with anyone, no matter the situation. She was so good at handling this kind of thing.

"Oh, Elise..." I murmured, closing my eyes and picturing her smiling face. What would she say if she could see me now? I wished I could show her my smile, as small and faint as it was. That would make her happy, right?

I let out another long sigh and sat up, finally relinquishing my death grip on the pillow. I hadn’t lied to the soldiers, I was feeling exhausted. Developing that technique for replicating an ability had pushed me to my limits...again. Korra would’ve scolded me for sure had she been there.

But she wasn’t, and I wasn’t about to let the opportunity go to waste. There was too much to learn, too much to do and not enough time. So, I took advantage of the time I was forced to wait for Korra and curled up with Fable, one of Thron’s tomes in my lap. For just a few hours, I was back in the library at the Divine Throne, the only place I had ever felt at home before Westfall Village. I could almost imagine the aged librarian roaming through phantasmal shelves behind me, smiling fondly as he watched me study. Was he still alive? Did the church discover that he had aided me?

The questions were lost in the swirl of words and runes that through my mind. Before I knew it, the sun had reached the end of its daily arc, settling down beyond the mountains. As I replaced the spellbook within my ring, my stomach growled, reminding me I hadn’t eaten all day.

Rising to my feet, I stretched and glanced down at Fable. His tail swished lazily across the ground, drawing a now well-worn pattern across the canvas floor.

"Thank you," I said softly, bending over to scratch behind his horns, "for being with me. I think I’d go crazy without you."

He yawned and stood, lingering just long enough to get another scratch before padding over the door. He turned his head toward me and stared at me.

"I know, I know, just give me a second. It’s not like I can just walk out like nothing happened. I ran from them, remember?"

I summoned my staff and took a few deep breaths, squeezing the familiar glassy haft for support. Truth be told, I’d rather fight another centipede than face those soldiers again. The thought of their friendly faces, smiling as though I’d done nothing wrong... It was too much to bear, and I came up short, hesitating at the tent entrance. Perhaps I should wait for morning. Everything would be easier then, and I could–

Fable nudged me from behind, sending me stumbling out into the dark. I rounded on him, preparing to scold him once more, when a friendly greeting floated through the air.

"Lady Xiviyah! We saved you a spot!"

Gritting my teeth, I shot the smug wolf a furious glare and turned. Solim stood just beyond the range of their fire, waving to me. The moment I met his eyes, his face lit up with a warm smile, and my worries melted away. There was no condescension, or mocking. Just his regular enthusiasm.

Perhaps Korra was right, and all this practice and change would be worth it. This seemed as good a place as any to try, and so, making sure Fable didn’t abandon me again, I walked over and sat, folding my hands uncertainty in my lap.

"Glad you made it," one of the soldiers said, passing me another bowl of soup.

As I raised it to my lips, another leaned forward, eyes wide and sparkling. "So, tell us about basilisk!"

Smiling faintly, I lowered the bowl again and looked around the circle of expectant faces. It seemed I wasn’t going to be eating for a while.