The Demon Lord's Bride (BL)
Chapter 512: Isn’t it frustrating when your anger has nowhere to be placed?

Chapter 512: Isn’t it frustrating when your anger has nowhere to be placed?

I wanted to see Shwa, I really do. I was dying to see my little flower and told them it’s okay, I’m fine, don’t feel guilty about anything...

But I couldn’t even bring myself to get out of the bed.

I was expecting my core to be filled--maybe not fully, but at least half of it--but no; my core was stagnant, perhaps even going down for a bit. This was despite my natural rejuvenation.

At first, I thought my genetic ability was broken. Upon inspection, however, I found nothing wrong with my rejuvenation--it worked as it intended to. This meant one thing;

The rate of my mana consumption was greater than my mana recovery.

So, it wasn’t just the blooming that sucked my mana dry all at once, but the daily consumption afterward was increasing. I could probably manage not to get my tank completely empty by absorbing mana from the environment and the mana stones, as well as eating the food designated for vampires. But to fill my mana core again...

That would be hard.

I couldn’t help but acknowledge this when I failed to increase the amount even after absorbing everything I could from many sources. My daily ’meal’ was probably expensive enough to feed the whole realm for a day.

And because of this, I didn’t have enough energy to walk without assistance. In the morning, Natha had to help me drink my herbal concoction and spoon-feed me my breakfast since I was so devoid of energy. It got better in the afternoon, after I gained more mana from the meal, the stones, and purification. I could at least hold my own utensils during lunch.

But walking? Someone had to help me just to walk to the bathroom. It was...

It was like my worse days in the hospital.

Although...at least I was yet to be totally bedridden like the days before I died.

But this meant I couldn’t go to the shed; couldn’t see Shwa and told my sweet child to not apologize.

And so, I turned to the only other person who could convey it to Shwa.

"Nat...please visit Shwa," I grabbed Natha on the third morning as my heart grew restless at the sorrowful cry of my child echoing through my heart and soul. "Our child feels so, so guilty. Please...don’t let Shwa think we’re angry, please?"

"Sweetheart..."

"Please?" I could see his conflicted heart, his frustration--I do! But he couldn’t do this to our innocent child, who didn’t want this any more than him. "Please, I beg you," I pleaded desperately, clawing to his shirt which was drenched with my tears. I pleaded with my voice that was choked with tears. "Shwa is crying..."

"Alright," whether it was because I told him Shwa was crying or because of my desperate attempt, Natha finally relented. He held my hands tight and caressed my head. "Alright, calm down."

"Please..."

With a deep sigh and furrowed brows, he stood up. "Okay, I’m going now."

"Take Jade--"

"No, Jade stays with you," he refuted me immediately, not even letting me finish. There was a slight frown on his forehead and a slight growl in his voice that made me unable to speak further. "Everyone stay with you."

[Jade stays with Papa!] the little bird latched onto my chest. [Jade give Papa mana!]

Ignis, who hadn’t been in his cave for the past few days, curled on my shoulder. "I’ll keep him warm."

With my children’s reassurance, Natha finally left the room. But the moment I felt his presence left the Quarter, I was sobbing. I felt bad for him, and I felt bad for Shwa. This...this shouldn’t happen if I was stronger.

Maybe...maybe if Valneier managed to open the druid gene earlier...

Or perhaps...if I listened to Natha and waited until I was truly strong...

Oh, who cares! I couldn’t see Shwa now, couldn’t do anything at all! Natha tried to hide it, but I knew how distressed he was. Our child was important, and I knew I was important to him.

Oh, Mother--everything seemed so peaceful and jolly just a few days ago. Couldn’t we...couldn’t we just keep being all happy?

I curled on the bed and pulled the blanket over my face, muffling my sob on the fluffy fabric until I fell asleep. Perhaps because I was low in mana and energy, but I easily became sleepy and once I fell asleep, I could sleep for hours.

Was I hibernating? Conversing energy? I had no idea. Usually, Natha would let me sleep and only wake me up to eat--that was, to absorb more mana. Unfortunately, there was no such thing as mana-drip to sustain me while I was asleep. If Jade was a fully-grown elemental bird, a ceaseless flow of mana could happen, but alas--Jade was still a juvenile bird.

This time, however, I did not wake up from hunger--although I did wake up from Natha’s voice. Just...he wasn’t talking to me. As I blinked beneath the blanket I pulled up earlier, I caught someone else’s voice.

Oh--it was D’Ara! Did Natha call her because of my condition? We did think of calling Amarein if I did not improve in a week, but I didn’t think he would call his teacher too.

"What should I do?" I heard Natha’s voice--the same distressed voice I had been hearing secretly lately. "He’s so weak...he’s even weaker than when he was sick back then..."

Was...was I really?

Well...I did manage to walk around although I had to hold back some pain. Perhaps because I at least had a full mana core--just a broken soul and blocked circuits.

I heard a rustle--seemed like Natha was sitting down--and then a heavy sigh with a groan. "God, I’m such a failure."

My heart dropped to my stomach. What? W-why? Why would he think that?!

"It’s not your fault," D’Ara said with a soft voice but a stern tone. "There’s nothing you can do about the mana intake."

"I should have prepared more!" Natha raised his voice, as if he was angry. No, he was frustrated. Because he was angry and had nowhere to place his anger--and so, he placed it on himself. "I should’ve found a place with abundant mana. If I wasn’t so selfish...I could build a safe place in the realm of nature, I could...I should have bought more mana stones..."

Oh, Nat...

I wanted to scream that it wasn’t his fault--it wasn’t anyone’s fault. Things just...things just happened! But I was so shocked that I could only clutch my chest beneath the blanket.

"No one knows the child needs this much mana," D’Ara argued, and I was glad she did. "Even if someone did, Valen has one of the biggest mana pools I have seen--everyone would assume it was enough. But this is the vessel for the Primordial One after all..."

"Yes, that!" Natha sounded angrier now, accompanied by a harsh sound as he stood up. "We should have known! I should have thought more about this and prepared as much as I could!"

His anger, frustration, and fear intertwined and filled the room, suffocating me slightly, and again, I couldn’t say anything; just curled in my place. It only went for a few seconds, however, and it ended as Natha took a deep breath and--hit the wall...it seemed. Or something.

There was silence afterward. I had never, never seen Natha use violence directly before. At most, I saw him use his fear--and even then, he barred me from ’seeing’ him.

So it was rather...shocking.

But was I afraid? Not really...perhaps because I could feel Natha’s fear more than anything. How could I be scared of someone who was so deep in fear?

"Does it help to beat yourself right now?" D’Ara spoke after a while, probably letting Natha calm down first. "It happened already--it’s happening. You should just figure out how to go through this."

"If I knew how, I wouldn’t just stay heat beating myself!"

"Quiet!" D’Ara hissed, and I shut my eyes tight as if they could see me. They shouldn’t be, since I wrapped myself tight in the blanket up to my head--but still...

After a few seconds that almost felt like an eternity, I heard Natha let out a long, heavy sigh. The next time he spoke, his anger was replaced with despair.

"I’ve bought every single mana stone I could find in the whole realm, but it’s not enough," his voice was quieter now, almost devoid of energy. "I couldn’t even put an advance order because of the war--fuck this war!"

Ah...right--I remembered now. The Wrath took a third of the mana stones in the market for their war. And since Natha personally wanted to make sure they won the war, it must have been extremely frustrating for him. If he ceased supplying the mana stone, the war effort might get jeopardized, and it might pose more danger for us.

Ah...how complicated. So this was why Natha had been so distressed? Not just because of his dilemma regarding Shwa?

"Damn it! Can’t you..." his voice fluctuated from high to low, from anger to plea. "Is there a way I can give my mana to him? Aren’t we eternal too?"

Oh?!

"I’ve told you it’s not how yours works," D’Ara clicked her tongue. "I’ve made your oath as he asked me--so you can share your lifespan. It doesn’t work like the vampire’s eternal."

Oh...

What I heard after that was a series of cursing in demon tongue--half of it was something that I didn’t even know existed, and the other half was things that I would never utter.

"Ra Natha."

Even the teacher gave a stern warning for the profanity. She held a long sigh. "He won’t die. He has my daughter’s pill."

Oh, right...I didn’t even remember I had that. Although it wouldn’t give me a boost in mana...

"That’s not my concern! If we die, we die together," Natha snapped. "But I don’t want him to suffer! He had enough of that."

"Life is full of suffering, child. He’s stronger than you thought."

"I know very well how strong he is!" Natha shouted again, slamming the couch. "That doesn’t mean he should experience it again!"

Oh...oh, my husband...

I had to bite my lips to prevent myself from crying again. At that time, there was also silence in the room.

"Forgive me," D’Ara spoke first.

"No, I’m sorry," Natha replied immediately with a heavy sigh.

Oh, I couldn’t do this anymore. It was suffocating, and I couldn’t bear hearing Natha keep blaming himself. Pulling down my blanket, I blinked at the sudden bright light and looked at the two demons on the couch.

"Nat?"

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