The Demon Lord's Bride (BL)
Chapter 44: It’s usually easier the second time

Chapter 44: It’s usually easier the second time

I was used to being alone.

I couldn’t remember my childhood much, but I didn’t think I spent much time with my parents.

When I contracted a mysterious illness after my eleventh birthday, my mother had a hard time being saddled with the new responsibility of taking care of me. But even when she always scowling, I was glad to be able to see more of her. After quite sometimes though, I supposed she got sick of it, and she kept fighting with my father. I heard they were fighting even in an event held by my grandfather, and it seemed like they argued even inside the car which eventually got them killed in a traffic accident.

I got moved to my grandfather’s hospital after that, since it would be easier to take care of me that way. It was quite nice, since I couldn’t go anywhere anyway, and the doctors and nurses treated me well at first, since I was the chairman’s grandson.

I wasn’t lonely then.

But when they knew my extended family never came to see me, it was clear that I was kind of an abandoned child. Gradually, the enthusiastic care of the medical staff waned. They still gave me basic treatment of course, and it wasn’t bad or anything. I just kind of missed their smile while doing it, was all.

Since I lived in the VIP ward, the room was spacious. But it got lonely fast, and I couldn’t exactly make any friends. I often walked to other wards, but people who came to the hospital never wished to stay for long, and once they got out, they never wish to come back. My longest-lasting friend was actually that author girl, which unfortunately left the world first before me.

Perhaps that was why, when someone showed me attention, I lapped at that like a thirsty pilgrim.

That was how I had my first love.

I remembered being skeptical at first. I thought him being attentive was only because he was under the professor in charge of me. But he was being too attentive, even using his break time to check on my condition.

And then I was being suspicious. A few years ago, my grandfather left out a problematic will. He left his personal wealth with me, including a big chunk of the company shares that would make any of my relatives a major shareholder if they got it. He also left a clause stating that if I died before I came of age, that wealth would go into charities of his choosing. After that, my uncles and aunts, as well as my cousins had been buttering me up, trying to make me write a will that would be favorable to them.

So I thought the young doctor heard this from somewhere and aiming for that too.

I swore I had my guard up. But it was hard to keep it when he was the only person willing to talk to me. He answered my curious question about the world outside, and if he didn’t know the answer, we would look for it together. We’d watched shows and discussed them, even down to the silly thing. He’d tuck me to bed, sometimes caressing my hair, smiling at me gently with that handsome face that got a lot of nurses and patients crushing on him.

Honestly, if I did not fall in love with that man, I should reconsider my sexuality.

It was days of winter that were filled with coldness, but my problematic heart had never felt so warm.

At some point, I couldn’t deny how much I yearn for him, and thought, well...if he did aim for my inheritance, I’d just let him have it as a price of erasing this loneliness, even for a little bit.

And then, one day, he stopped coming.

It wasn’t like he came every day, so when he didn’t come for three days in a row, I thought he was just busy. I waited for another three days, and he still didn’t come.

At that point in life, I had numbed my heart to expectations and gotten used to loneliness. I thought I wouldn’t feel so bad even if he no longer come. After all, everyone did that; like my parents, my relatives, the medical staff.

I was wrong.

After almost two weeks, and the flowers outside had bloomed, I finally asked the nurse about him. I found out then, that he moved to another hospital in another region.

Without any hints, without any words.

It wasn’t like we had a relationship or anything, but God...I wished he was just someone who aimed for my money. Because at the very least, I would have some kind of closure.

In the end, I couldn’t hate him, nor could I forgive him. It was a confusing feeling that got me crying on some nights, and laughing during others.

But the feeling of being alone was something that I had used to, so it didn’t take too much time for me to just tune out my feelings like usual. I didn’t need to do it for a long time either, just about two years if I recall correctly. The last days of my previous life were as blurry as my childhood memories.

Nevertheless...I found myself swimming among those warm feelings again. But within the warm current were harsh, cold waves of anxiety.

The sweetness of Natha’s kiss was accompanied by the bitterness of his absences. The way my heart pounded at his presence, and the way my stomach churned as he disappeared...it was all as painful as it was wonderful.

The morning after he abruptly disappeared at night, I found myself numbly laying down with a light fever. I was woken up by Jade’s soft whimper, the little bird holding strands of my hair in its small and cute beak.

Ah, right...I forgot that my hair was growing rapidly as I trained on the druid magic. I was about to ask Natha about it before, along with Jade’s green shade.

I reached out to stroke the little bird, and a rough hand came to pat my burning forehead with a cool towel. When I glanced up, Angwi was looking at me with a complicated face, and for some reason, I felt like she knew exactly what was going on.

I ended up staying in bed all day, feeling as lethargic as when I was still sick. Perhaps because I dreamt of the past again the night before, crying myself to sleep. Curling up while using Jade as a substitute plushie, I drifted between sleep and consciousness, only managing to get sober when Zia came to have a meal with me.

But letting out all that tears was a good thing after all. Remembering all those feelings, knowing that once upon a time I was capable of sailing through that—the warm and the cold, the sweet and the bitter—made me think that I had nothing to be afraid of.

It wasn’t like I was good at hiding my feelings, much less at burying them. Especially in front of someone who could sense my thought as easily as breathing.

So I wouldn’t hide it then.

It was scary, even now. Thinking about being left again one day, being abandoned. Someone bearing his face had done it to me before after all.

But still, I couldn’t help it.

I couldn’t help the warm feeling sneaking its way into my weak heart. Even while being afraid, even while feeling anxious.

Even while knowing the possibility of his affection being directed at someone else.

"Do you think I’m being foolish?" I poked the little bird’s cheek before I drifted into sleep. Of course, the baby bird had no wisdom to be imparted regarding that, and all I received was a tilting head and blinking eyes.

When he somehow realized I wasn’t Valmeier, perhaps he would abandon me, if he wasn’t so enraged to the point of erasing my existence. I didn’t think he would go that far, though. I wanted to believe even in the worst-case scenario inside my head, that he held a little bit of affection towards the me that wasn’t Valmeier.

"Until then, I will enjoy the affection he gave me," I laid on my side, caressing Jade’s light green head. "Since he told me I should be greedy,"

It was an absurd excuse, but Jade’s little coo felt like support. I found that I slept better that night, and woke up with a lighter heart.

* * *

"I want to go to the forest," I told Angwi during breakfast, while Zia tied my shoulder-length hair into a short ponytail.

"Why?" the one who ask, obviously, was Zia.

"I feel like I’ll be able to reach some enlightenment," I narrowed my eyes at Jade. "Or at least growing this guy,"

I felt Zia’s arms circling my neck from behind, as she tilted her head to peer at me. "Is your body fine, though?"

"...do I look that fragile?"

The sudden silence around the breakfast table gave me the answer already. Hmm...I thought Valmeier’s body was pretty shaped for a priest. But I supposed after getting pummeled by burning circuits and two months of unproper living conditions, I became lanky and weak. And while I fattened up quite a bit after arriving here, I never really did proper physical exercise. The battle priest’s sculpted abs were no more, unfortunately.

"W-well, you did have a fever yesterday," Zia broke the silence with an awkward shuffle toward her own seat. "Rather than your body, it’s more like your soul—" Zia started to mumble before shutting up suddenly.

It was clear that she didn’t mean to mention it, and swiftly stuffed her mouth with food as if trying to prevent words from leaking anymore. Her purple eyes frantically avoided my inquisitive gaze.

Glancing at the silent Angwi, who was looking at the succubus with reprimanding eyes, I knew that I wouldn’t get an answer even if I pressed her about it. So I just stared at Jade while shrugging my shoulder, pretending to ignore it even as a sudden dread came upon me.

Why? What was wrong with my soul?

Did it show somehow...that I wasn’t of this world?

Search the lightnovelworld.cc website on Google to access chapters of novels early and in the highest quality.