The Accidental Necromancer
Orcs Discover Porn

Later that same day I sat down with Gruush, Inka, and Kendala, and I asked Kathy and Gren to sit in on the discussion with me.

“I want to pay you for your labor,” I said.

“You don’t have to pay us,” Kendala said. “We’re employees.”

I took a deep breath. “Yes, that’s one of the differences between employees and slaves. You have to pay employees. No pay, no work. No work, no pay.”

“You’re already providing us food and shelter,” Inka pointed out.

“Okay, and that’s part of your pay. It’s not all of it. So I’m going to pay you in dollars, and Kathy, or Gren, will help you order stuff off the internet when you want to spend your money.”

“What are dollars?” Inka asked.

“What’s the internet?” Gruush inquired.

“Who are we ordering around?” Kendala asked.

“So, the internet is a communication tool,” I said.

“Remember when we watched those people having sex yesterday?” Gren asked. “That’s called porn. And the way we got the porn was through the internet. In fact, some people think that’s what it’s for. There’s a song, even –”

“Alright, so you can also use it to buy things,” I said. “Bricks, even. Books. Tools. Candy. Clothes. Something like the bike I was showing people how to use earlier.”

“Also,” Gren said, “Subscriptions to get better porn. We could all pitch in.”

“Can we order the actors to do what we want?” Kendala said.

“Not for the money I’ll be paying you,” I said firmly. I named a figure, and they took it, not really knowing what it meant. I was embarrassed at how little I was paying them, even given that I was paying for their food, but I wanted to make sure it was sustainable and that I would have enough cash flow to improve everyone’s lives, including that of the orcs. They were amazed, as Gren and Kathy showed them some samples of what they could buy with that money, that I was paying them so much. I suppose it all depends on your point of view. At least it was tax free.

For the next week, Kendala, Valeria, Inka, and I worked on building an extension onto the tomb. Ultimately, I wanted to surround it with new construction, so that no one could see it for what it was from the outside, but we settled for expanding the front for now. Xyla helped clear the area, using Talos occasionally to help her move a tree to a new location in the forest. We incorporated the old guardhouse foundation into the structure, making its former location into one of the rooms. Gren and Gruush went to the troll village to work on building an outpost out of bricks up there, and I gave Gren a little hooch so she could enlist trolls to work for them. In the process, of course, they’d be teaching the trolls how to make bricks, and how to build with bricks and mortar.

One day, Gren came back in tears. Valeria nudged me, because I’d been focused on making sure the studs of the new construction were properly spaced, but when I saw her I put down my measuring tape and hurried over.

“What is it?” I asked. “Did something go wrong?”

“No, I’m just so happy!”

“Happy?”

“Because I’m having your baby!”

Bwahahaha!

Now what was he chortling about? I squeezed her tight. I had mixed feelings, but I was happy she was happy, and I wasn’t going to do a thing to mess with that. I felt I should hold her with her head on my shoulder, but she was taller than me. Either way, she still felt nice.

This is just too rich. I can’t hold it in any longer.

Gren looked down at me. “You’re happy too, right? Just not all weepy because you’re not the one that’s pregnant?”

I smiled up at her. “Of course. Enash is just chattering away at me, distracting me.”

One thing is for sure. It’s not yours!

Wait, what?

I was going to wait until the baby was born, but it’s just too funny. You have a body created by necromancy. It can’t create life! It’s just an artificial shell for an undead soul to inhabit.

“Gren,” I asked. “Are you sure the baby is mine?”

“Absolutely,” she said. “I took maidenweed every time I went to an orgy.”

I wondered if maidenweed was a hundred percent effective. What Enash said, unfortunately, made sense. For now, I said nothing.

She kissed me. “I’m glad it’s yours, Abby.”

“Me, too,” I said. And I was. If she was going to have a baby, it was going to be part of my family whoever donated the sperm. I watched her go into the tomb, where Inka was cooking, and sit down in front of the laptop. She signaled for Gruush to come over, and I figured she was well occupied at the moment.

I did the measurements I needed to do, and then told everyone it was time to knock it off for the day.

“But there’s still some light out?” Kendala said.

“We’ve been working nine hours,” I said.

“So?”

I shrugged. I worked more than forty hours a week when there was stuff to do, but I felt bad about having the orcs work much more than that. Then again, they were getting paid by the hour, and maybe Kendala wanted to keep going for the money. Still, we were at a good break point. “Gren’s inside helping Gruush spend his wages. You should join them.”

“Oh,” Kendala said. “Okay.”

Valeria and Lesseth looked at me. “Is Gren okay?” Lesseth asked.

I nodded. “Healthy, yes. She’s crying because she’s happy.” I wondered if she would be so happy if she realized it wasn’t mine.

“Oh,” Valeria said. “Are you okay?”

I nodded. “But I have to talk to Enash for a few minutes. He said something … well, I have to talk to him, that’s all.”

“May I come with you, my lord and master, while you talk to the great and powerful Enash?” Lesseth asked.

I shrugged. “Sure. I’m just going over there.”

She nodded. “He stresses you out, and I thought I could provide some stress relief while you …”

Valeria laughed. “It’s definitely your turn, Lesseth.”

I wasn’t going to say no. I walked out of sight.

What do you want to talk to me about?

“I – what you said, earlier.”

If that sounds less than coherent or specific, it was probably because Lesseth had knelt on the ground, and as I was talking she pulled my panties down and simultaneously popped my cock in her mouth and slipped her tongue into my pussy.

What did I say?

“About it not being mine.” Lesseth slipped a wet finger into my ass, while her mouth created perfect suction on my rapidly hardening cock.  Her tongue curved around to what I guessed must be my G-spot. So many nerves were being touched at once that it was hard to make sense of the signals being sent to my brain.

Oh. I thought I’d string you along when she said she was pregnant. Of course it was never going to be yours. You don’t have any seed to seed anyone with. You were created with necromantic energy, and such energy cannot create life. You can cum all you want in those girls, and you’re never going to knock them up. For that matter, if you want, you can get fucked all you want and you’re never getting pregnant. No, you have to make your children the old-fashioned way.

“The old fashioned way?” I echoed, because that was all I had the brain cells for. I was wondering if I’d have to ask Lesseth to stop in order to talk, but I really didn’t want to.

By raising them from the dead! Hahahaha! Come on, you have over a hundred zombies, surely that’s enough children!

Ugh. “So you’re saying I can’t get anyone pregnant. But you kept trying to get me to knock Val up, too.”

Just because you can’t do it doesn’t mean I don’t think it’s hot.

“You don’t have kids just because you think it’s hot. You do it because you want to care for them and watch them grow up, and …”

Mostly I just wanted you to take the condom off. You know I feel whatever you feel.

Lesseth ran her hands under my top and felt my breasts. Wait, that meant three hands, and one very long tongue. I looked down and she still had a very human face, or at least as human-looking as it ever was. Translucent and bright red, but very pretty for all that. She also had four arms.

Whatever. Treating women as baby factories is hot. Let them worry about it. In any case you can’t. Not as Abby, anyway. Maybe your other body can.

I’d had a vasectomy. But they could be reversed, if that was what I wanted. I didn’t know what I wanted.

It was so funny you thinking it was yours! I figured some random troll had knocked her up at one of the orgies, and she was just lying to you.

“Gren wouldn’t lie like that.”

Of course she would. And you’d totally fall for it.

I did know one thing I wanted. I wanted Enash to go away and shut up. I wanted to destroy him forever. And maybe, someday, I’d become a powerful enough necromancer that I could do exactly that.

I focused on Lesseth, which wasn’t difficult. She was tweaking my nipples and finger banging my ass and tonguing deep inside my pussy, all while giving me an amazing, and very wet, blowjob.

Can’t believe you’re letting her do that to your ass. That’s so gay.

Fuck Enash. I was enjoying it. And he was feeling everything I was feeling.

“Can you fuck my ass harder?” I asked.

Ugh! You’re supposed to be the one doing the fucking.

Right then, the more it bothered him the more I liked it. And Lesseth was certainly willing, although hardness wasn’t really something she was capable of. But she made up for it by going faster. I looked down at her, and she looked up at me with her red eyes. Enash babbled some complaint, but I was able to shut him out. Too many things were happening to too many nerves to focus on anything else.

Then I came. I wasn’t sure what got me first, the tongue in my pussy or the appendage – to deep to be called a finger – in my ass. It made my knees buckle, and everything clenched, but my cock didn’t spurt. Then another hit me, and I yelled. It felt so goddamn good. And then, a third, as I jetted over and over inside Lesseth’s mouth.

Somewhere in all of that my knees had given way, and I ended up a puddle on the ground. Not literally. Lesseth was a literal puddle, and she was sliding on top of me.

She smelled like pussy.

She manifested a mouth somewhere, and said, “I love all your fluids, Abby.”

I could only smile vaguely at her and say, “I love you, Lesseth.”

“Of course you do. I’m lovable, and yours by right of conquest. Why would you not love what you have conquered?”

I wasn’t going to argue with her, or correct her, but then Valeria came rushing forward. “I heard you cry out, is everything okay?” she asked. Then she came to a halt. “Oh.”

“I’m made of Abby’s pussy juice right now,” Lesseth said. “Want a taste?”

Valeria looked torn. “Uh,” she said. “I do, but Inka has finished with dinner, if you two are ready.”

“Well, I don’t need to eat, but my conqueror definitely needs to keep her strength up,” Lesseth said, taking on completely human shape as she winked at Valeria.

“Absolutely,” Valeria said. And then to me: “Gren says you’re sleeping with Xyla and me tonight.”

That sounded good, but of course I had to say, “Don’t I get a choice?”

“Sure,” Valeria said. “Which one of us do you not want to sleep with?”

“Uh,” I said. “Right, I’m sleeping with you and Xyla.”

Valeria smirked. “And right now it’s dinner time, and your underthings are around your ankles, so you might want to fix that.”

I pulled them up, and then accepted Valeria’s hand, which she stretched out to pull me up. We had a good dinner, and afterward I went back to work.

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