The Accidental Necromancer
Topless Tuesday

It occurred to me a few moments later, as the two beautiful and very strange women were grinning at me, that Lesseth probably could have killed us right then and there. All she had to do was turn into acid in the middle of us making love. I wouldn’t have chosen what we did as a way of testing her loyalty, but now that it was done, I had gained some trust for her.

I won’t deny that I was inclined to trust someone who had given me a mind-blowing orgasm. Humans are built that way, for all sorts of evolutionary reasons. It could cloud my judgment. But that didn’t change the fact that we had been at her mercy.

Someone cleared their throat, and it wasn’t me or Lesseth or Xyla. We all looked that direction.

“Valeria told us to find you and ask for directions for how to help find Lesseth,” Talos said stiffly.

“But I see you managed!” Kathy added, with a distinct smirk. Her arm went around Talos’ waist and then withdrew. I suppose plate mail wasn’t comfortable to snuggle with.

“She’s right here!” Xyla stated the obvious with a voice like sunshine.

“I’ll never be far away from Abby,” Lesseth said. She looked entirely human again, other than the fact that she was translucent, bright red, and monochromatic. “I’m going to live in her extra-dimension storage bag.”

I didn’t argue with that, either, because I had another thought. “Hey, can you get me an inventory of what’s in there?”

“Absolutely,” Lesseth said.

“There should be a pad of paper and a pen in there, so you can use those.”

“Great! It is my honor to serve the head of the harem.”

“Harem?” mocked Kathy.

“A huge harem?” Gren asked, walking in. “Sounds good to me. The more girls to play with, the better. I searched the east paths some, and no sign of – oh, there you are.” She looked at Lesseth.

“Always at Abby’s side,” Lesseth said. “I’m easy to find.”

“Seems like I’m overdressed to this party,” Gren said, and took her top off before I could say anything.

“Our cue to leave,” Kathy told Talos. “We should find Valeria and tell her she doesn’t need to keep searching.”

I grabbed my dress. “Actually, we were all going to get dressed.”

“I don’t wear clothes,” Lesseth said. “They don’t stay on when I transform, anyway.”

“Just a leaf girl myself,” Xyla said. “I wouldn’t call that dressed, exactly.”

“If we all just quit wearing clothes entirely, I’m good with that,” Gren said.

I had the distinct feeling that things were getting out of control. Kathy and Talos hadn’t departed yet, though, so I pulled my dress on. Had anyone not known that I had a penis? I had a hard time keeping track, but there certainly was no “big secret” now. Still, it felt rude to have it dangling out in front of everyone, so I felt better with the dress on.

“Did you all have a threesome?” Gren said.

“Yes,” Xyla and Lesseth said at once.

“And you didn’t invite me?”

“Then it wouldn’t be a threesome,” Lesseth said reasonably. “That would be four. It’s not like Abby can just be replaced, she’s the one we’re all married to.”

“It would be a fabulous foursome,” Gren said, cutting off my objection.

“We’re going,” Kathy said. “Have fun.”

This time, they really did go.

“I did have a question, Abby,” Lesseth said. “About what’s in your bag.”

“Oh, yeah, be careful. There’s a lot of gadgets from my world. Don’t push any buttons or pull on anything you don’t understand.”

She nodded. “Well, you might not want this question asked in front of everyone.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Xyla said. “Her secrets are our secrets.”

“She even gave me a cell phone,” Gren said.

“Yes, we’re all breasties,” Xyla said. “I mean besties.”

It hadn’t been a slip of the tongue, I was sure. In any case, I didn’t have any secrets in the bag, so I didn’t protest. “Go ahead, Lesseth.”

She shrugged. “Okay. Well, I was wondering why you had the withered hand of Baalzebub in there. Or at least that’s what I think it is, it’s got the weird ruby ring on the middle finger that I’ve heard described, which glows. And also what I think is Abomolich’s barbed dagger, which is supposed to turn virgins into banshees by stabbing them to death.”

She’s lying. Those things aren’t in there. I bet she’s never really been in the bag at all. Don’t believe her. Oh, and by the way, that threesome was really really hot. And these girls are up for a foursome. Why discuss the bag when you can have three girls at once?

“It was Enash’s bag originally,” I said, which pretty much explained all of that.

Gren nodded. “I helped Abby get it. A perilous plunge into the depths, fighting, fighting, fighting –”

I looked at her. “Zombies?” I prompted.

“No good adjectives start with z.”

“Zany?” I suggested.

Gren shook her head. “She’s zany,” she said, pointing to Xyla. “And Valeria is zealous. But the zombies are just zombies. It makes you question the existence of God, really.”

“They do lack a certain personality,” I agreed. “But that’s part of what makes them zombies.”

“Ugly undead,” Gren said.

“So your bag belonged to the great and powerful, I mean, the cranky Enash?” Lesseth said.

“Yeah,” I said. “I suppose we’re going to have to destroy some of those things in there.”

“Powerful artifacts are often almost impossible to destroy.”

I shrugged. “Well, I can probably weld so much metal to that dagger that no one can be stabbed with it. We’ll do something.”

“I don’t suppose there’s much chance of a virgin around here, anyway,” Lesseth said.

“Actually,” Gren started, and stopped when I glared at her.

“I would never!” Gren said. “She’s one of us! But I’m just saying you could give the girl a little immunity from that thing if you filled her up sometime, you know?”

“The paladin?” Lesseth said.

“We’re not discussing this,” I said.

“As you wish, Abby. Sounds like I should get to working on that inventory,” Lesseth said. “The problem is there’s a lot of stuff there I don’t know how to describe, and it’s a horrible mess. It’ll probably take me an hour just to find the paper and the pen.”

I reached in the bag for the notebook and the pen, and handed them to her. “When I want things, they come into my hands when I reach for them. You can carry these in, hopefully, so you don’t have to look for them. But wait, actually, I have a better idea. Let’s go back to the crypt.”

“Does that mean I need to put my top back on?” Gren said.

I looked, of course. Gren’s bare blue breasts were beautiful. I couldn’t honestly say that I wanted them covered. “There’s no dress code,” I said.

“Yay!” Xyla said.

“Whew,” said Lesseth. “Abby, another question?”

“Yes?”

“Do you like it when I make my lips a little darker red, like this? I don’t have a lot of range, but I can manage some intensity by shifting a little more pigment to that area.

“Um, yes, that’s quite nice.”

“And my nipples, too?”

Without that, she was kind of PG-13, even naked. “I like for you to do what you’re comfortable with,” I said. “If it’s a lot of work, I don’t want you to do it for me.”

“Abby loves nipples,” Xyla told her.

“Definitely,” Gren agreed. “Probably more important than your lips, tbh.”

“Tbh?” I asked.

“To be honest,” Gren explained. “I’ve been reading up on texting lingo. LOL.”

I put my hands on my head and gave it a nice squeeze.

“Sometimes I get headaches after really good orgasms, too,” Xyla said. “But it’s so worth it.”

“I don’t think this is that. Gren, please don’t speak text acronyms out loud.”

“Alright. But you have to promise me that we’re going to have an orgy soon with Lesseth. Three, four, five… all good. The more the better. It’s part of my culture, you know.”

“Um, far be it from me to deny you your culture,” I said. It wasn’t like I really objected to the idea.

When we got back to the crypt, Valeria was there. She waved. “I thought I’d wait for you here, because Kathy said something about a fabulous foursome.”

“Could have been five,” Gren said. “Still works.”

Valeria nodded. “Glad you’ve been found, Lesseth,” she said. “So Abby, next time you have a foursome, uh, could you –” She got up, so she could whisper to me. “Tie me up and make me watch?”

“Make you,” I repeated.

“Well, of course I’d want to join in.” She’d stopped whispering.

“Then join in.”

“Not until you marry me, Abby. Until then I have to remain frustrated, yearning, and imagining what it would feel like for your shaft to penetrate my wanton channel.” She looked at Gren. “You know, you don’t have to flaunt that you and Abby had relations by leaving your top off.”

“Well, first, we didn’t, and second, it’s topless Tuesday. You should take yours off, not me put mine on.”

I was a little shaky on the days, but I thought it was Sunday. In any case, Valeria was already taking her shirt off and apologizing for not knowing the rules.

As much as I enjoyed my exotic beauties, it was kind of nice to see breasts that came in a more terrestrial shade.

“Why isn’t Abby topless?” Valeria asked.

“Because she left her panties in the forest, and she’d have nothing on at all,” Xyla said.

So I had. It was hard to stay focused on business with all the bouncing breasts, but I resolved to do my best. I took Xyla’s cell phone out, and showed Lesseth how to work it. It took her a while to find the right pressure and viscosity that would allow her to push buttons, but this way she could take a picture of anything she couldn’t identify.

“You know what would really help,” she said. “Shelves or boxes. It’s a jumble in there, really, and it’ll be hard to keep track of what I’ve already inventoried, but if I can make the place orderly, it’ll make it so much easier.”

I chuckled. A woman after my own heart, in a way. Did she have a heart? Not as such, I suppose. Well, whatever. “Sounds like it’s time for a hardware store run,” I said.  “Wait, Lesseth, can you get the force to turn a screw?”

“No one has ever complained about my screwing,” Lesseth replied.

I decided it was easier to explain with a screwdriver in hand. I pulled out the drawer with my panties, where the handle was screwed on from the inside, and told her what it involved. As I turned out, no, she couldn’t turn a screw. She just couldn’t get hard enough to screw properly.

I decided not to vocalize that thought. As it turned out, she could operate a cordless, so she could still do what I had in mind, which was take in the pieces of shelving and assemble them inside the bag. And while the drawer was open, I managed to get some panties out of the drawer.

“I am going back to my forest. It’s so cramped in here,” Xyla said. “But you’ve lost your excuse, Abby.”

“Time to say no to the dress,” Gren agreed.

“As a matter of fact, I was going to go back to my world for a bit, anyway. To go shopping for shelves. In the meantime, Lesseth, if you wouldn’t mind doing the best you could until the shelves get to you?”

“Not at all.”

“Can I come with?” Valeria asked.

I shrugged. “Sure. But you’re going to have to put your shirt on. It’s not, um, Tuesday in my world.”

Valeria laughed. “I’m pretty sure Gren just made that up, anyway.”

And yet, she had gone along with it. Curious. I pulled my dress off. Gren whistled. Lesseth and Valeria stared. I was a little aroused, which meant that the panties didn’t really do the job, but I tried to ignore that.

“Valeria, would you like to kiss?” I asked.

“Yes, Abby, very much.”

So we kissed, and I enjoyed the feeling of my breasts squishing against hers, and my cock hardening and pressing against her belly. I slid my hands from her waist toward her chest, and asked, softly, “Do you mind if I touch?”

She shook her head. I didn’t think she’d object. She’d chosen to flash them at me for a reason, after all. They were soft in my hands, really very delightful.

“Can I –” Lesseth began.

“Sssh,” said Gren. “Patiently perv.”

Valeria started groping me back, and we kissed some more. She didn’t move her hands downward, and neither did I. Second base was a good spot for us right then, and there we stayed.

“Is she part of the harem?” Lesseth asked, not so quietly that I couldn’t hear.

“Totally,” Gren said. “But you know. Prudish paladins.”

“She doesn’t look prudish to me,” Lesseth said.

Valeria pinched my nipple, and I just resisted saying ouch. I wasn’t used to them being so sensitive. “Is that too hard?” she asked. “I think it’s kind of nice.”

I pinched her back, to show her what it felt like, but she just ahhed in pleasure.

“You know what would be hot?” she asked.

“No, what?”

“If you tied me up and then squeezed really hard, when I couldn’t resist.”

“Noted,” I said. “But we’ve got a hardware run to do.”

“Okay,” Valeria said. “I’ll get dressed. Duty, always, before pleasure.”

Gren kissed me, and then Lesseth lined up to do the same. She’d changed her color to amber brown, and she tasted like honey, but I kept it brief. Valeria, meanwhile, slipped behind a screen to change into one of the dresses I’d gotten her at the thrift store.

 I left the bag on the coffin table, stripped out of the panties, and went upstairs with Valeria.

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